acanuck's picture

    Pat Robertson's soul fails to sell on eBay; devil says he expects reserve price to drop. True story

    Considering what's just happened to the poor, sick, malnourished and misgoverned Haitian people, it may seem an irrelevant distraction to focus on the words of one arrogant Christian bigot. But it needs to be done. It's time for Pat Robertson to just go away.

    Conjuring up bogus causality after the fact is his recurring shtick. Feminists and gays caused 9/11. Abortion caused Katrina. Evacuating Gaza caused Sharon's stroke. Health care reform probably caused swine flu. Teaching evolution no doubt led to Fort Hood and the underpants bomber. Enough.

    Topics: 
    William K. Wolfrum's picture

    Mark McGwire admits to steroids! Also, Pope admits to Catholicism

    Mark McGwire has come out and admitted the one thing everyone knew about him – that he took performance-enhancing drugs. Of course, as has been his wont since his retirement from baseball, McGwire did so in a cowardly and milquetoast manner.

    “I was given a gift to hit home runs,” said McGwire, who is attempting to return to baseball as a hitting instructor for the St. Louis Cardinals. “I believe I was given this gift. The only reason I took steroids was for health purposes.”

    Topics: 
    William K. Wolfrum's picture

    Sarah Palin & Fox News: One Heartbeat Away

    With the announcement of her deal with Fox News, Sarah Palin is now one Glenn Beck stroke, aneurysm, or cardiac event from being the most* batshit crazy person on TV.

    –WKW

    * Media Version. Overall, Charlie Sheen is still the most batshit and likely to commit a violent felony at some point.

    William K. Wolfrum's picture

    Man being evicted from Home doesn’t care what Harry Reid said in 2008

    SALEM, Mass. — L.T. Johnson was busy tying a sofa to the roof of his Pinto hatchback, when he was forced to think long and hard about the most recent political controversy.

    “Harry Reid said the word Negro when talking about Obama? And Apologized?” said Johnson, now unemployed for 24 consecutive months. “Yeah, I just don’t care, I need a place for my family to live, so I`m not all too interested in stuff like this.”

    Larry Jankens's picture

    VIDEO: George Bush Gets Verbally Assaulted - and not in a good way

    Picture yourself going to your favorite restaurant only to see former President George H.W. Bush also grabbing a bite to eat.  You can: A) Tell him what a great job he did; B) Ignore him; or C) Get your camera from your car and call him a zionist murderer.  I was going to give the option of throwing your shoe at him, but as we know he has reflexes like a cat and would dodge it.

    Comments?

    Topics: 
    Larry Jankens's picture

    Fixing the Middle East: Simple Economics

    There is no other force that can strike strong accord to the most disharmonious parties than money. For two basic reasons: 1) Money makes people content; and 2) Contentment breeds tolerance. Accordingly, the best foreign policy the United States can undertake is one that recognizes the awesome power of dolla-dolla billz y’all.
    Topics: 
    Michael Wolraich's picture

    Persecution Politics: Civil War Rages in the G.O.P., but Watch Out What You Wish For

    In the wake of resignations by Democratic Senators Chris Dodd and Byron Dorgan, Democrats may be taking some shortsighted solace in the prospect of a brewing conservative civil war between the Republican Party establishment and the revolting Teabaggers, no pun intended. The differences between the warring camps are not ideological - the G.O.P. long ago purged its dissenting moderates - but attitudinal.

    Topics: 
    William K. Wolfrum's picture

    Sources: Underpants Terrorist Kid printed full-page ad in NY Times promising to attack a U.S. plane

    Ok, maybe not quite that over the top, but the Intelligence Industry really dropped the ball on the Underpants Terrorist kid. And by “dropped the ball,” I mean “Put thousands in needless risk.” I do expect there to be attempted attacks that will get past authorities somehow, but this is sounding quite abysmal.

    Larry Jankens's picture

    Japanese Man Surprises No One by Marrying a Video Game Character

    On Sunday Sal9000 married the love of his life, Nene Anegasaki, who just happens to be character in a Nintendo DS video game, Love Plus. Aside from the obvious irony that the video game character has a more normal sounding name than the actual person, this is a notable union because it is a step in the direction of respectability compared to the Japanese raping video game that we have discussed here at Dagblog.
    William K. Wolfrum's picture

    Jesus Christ far too cool to sweat over Brit Hume, Tiger Woods

    HEAVEN – The heavenly perfection of Downtown Heaven was disturbed once all Hell broke loose following the news that Fox News Real-Live Journalist Brit Hume advised golfer Tiger Woods to become a Christian to overcome his cheating ways. The ruckus was quelled, however, when Jesus Chist stepped forward to say that he did not care.

    William K. Wolfrum's picture

    Jesus Christ he was enormous

    Bill’s Beginner’s Bible Presents:
    Jesus Christ Was He Enormous


    By William K. Wolfrum

    Chapter 1

    Genesis 6: 1-4 tells us that “there were giants in the Earth in those days.” Like all statements coming from the Word of God, this is factually true. There were, in fact, giants. And none were more giant than Jesus Christ.

    William K. Wolfrum's picture

    Confusing Blogger Vows to Quit Using Emoticons in 2010

    BRAZIL – Blogger William K. Wolfrum today vowed to cease using emoticons on the Internet, in any way, ever again.

    “If feel that they had become an intruder into my soul,“ said Wolfrum, who also vowed to act more “High-Fallutin’“ in 2009. “In real life, I wink maybe twice a year. This is out of hand.’’

    Many critics have come forward to complain about Wolfrum`s decision, claiming he is often to self-important and vague in a lot of his satire.

    acanuck's picture

    Favorite things: wall-to-wall hockey

    Don't mean to step on anyone's franchise (no need to lawyer up, Deadman) but I simply have to share this armchair fan's elation at tonight's orgy of televised hockey fare: four games to choose from, spread over the next seven hours -- and much of it top-notch.

    Topics: 
    William K. Wolfrum's picture

    Internet’s Top-3 Commenters in Nation announced by Prestigious Blog

    When I started my blog, it was because of my burning desire to affect change on a world troubled on a wide variety of fronts. Or it was because I had too much time on my hands and needed amusement. One of those.

    But something strange happened – no one came. For about a few year, I`d celebrate on days where I had 15 hits, even if 14 of them were me, logging on to different computers around the city so I could click my own Google Ads.

    Larry Jankens's picture

    MNFW: Judgement Edition

    It's been a while since I posted on Dagblog.  I'm not going to apologize for my absence or explain why, I just wanted to point it out.  Anyway, welcome to another exciting edition of My New Favorite Websites (MNFW): the judgement edition. Join me in relishing these two websites that help you look down upon other people - it's fun!

    The People of Walmart

    William K. Wolfrum's picture

    Tiger Woods SEO Tip

    Here`s the tip? Just mention Tiger Woods. And Elin. And Affairs. Toss in a helping of steroids, and Britney Spears (because you`re a rebel), and you`re in the money. It`s a new Tiger world we live in. Maybe we can pray it away.

    William K. Wolfrum's picture

    Wine & the Arts: Raquel Arantes & Simone Bischoff – Genius I know

    Quite often, I sit around the house reflecting on my own genius. These are times of focused contemplation. They are also times that usually take, say, 42 seconds or so, ending in self recrimination and a modicum of depression.

    Because all I need to do is look toward my family to see true genius. Take for instance my Mother-in-Law Raquel Arantes and my cousin Simone Bischoff.

    William K. Wolfrum's picture

    Barack Obama wishes all Americans a “New Year”

    WASHINGTON – President Barack Obama today officially wished all Americans a “New Year,” breaking with the tradition of U.S. Presidents wishing U.S. citizens a “Happy New Year.”

    Orlando's picture

    Indonesian Travel Journal: How to Pack

    Step 1: Wake up early, determined to finish packing up at least one room.

    Step 2: Check email.

    Step 3: Check Dagblog.

    Step 4: Check Facebook.

    Step 5: Read news.

    Step 6: Shower.

    Step 7: Head next door to see what the family is up to. (Wii!)

    Step 8: Play Lego Star Wars on the Wii

    Step 9: Play Just Dance on the Wii (FREAKING AWESOME!)

    Step 10: Have lunch with a friend you won't see for a couple years at least.

    Step 11: Get home from lunch determined to finish the room by dinner.

    Step 12: Order some shoes online.

    Topics: 
    MJS's picture

    Nine Out of Ten Taliban Agree: Dead Animals Do Not Belong in Polo

    At least the Taliban and I can agree on something.

    During their regime in Afghanistan, the Taliban banned the popular Central Asian sport, Buzkashi. This, uh, sport consists of horseback men riding around and trying to drag a dead calf into a ring in the sand.

    If you find this objectionable for some odd reason, don’t worry – a goat can also be used.

    Pages

    Latest Comments