Cleveland: Keeping Christmas at Home
Ramona: The War on Happy Holidays
Brazil fan Zé Aparecido was pensive during the first half of Brazil-North Korea World Cup match. [Read more]
“Would you just stop it with the forsaking already?” [Read more]
We Americans are an independent people with a do-it-yourself attitude. And no one proves that more than Gary Brooks Faulkner. The 50-ish American – armed with a pistol, 40-inch sword, night-vision goggles and book of Christian verses – went to Pakistan on a one-man mission to behead Osama bin Laden.
“God is with me, and I am confident I will be successful in killing him,” Faulkner said.
SOUTH AFRICA – Faced with a barrage of bad press about the endless drone of vuvuzelas during World Cup matches, South African President Jacob Zuna today announced that he will ban the horn-like instrument, provided the Western world stop exploiting Africa.
“It’s a fair trade,” said Zuna. “The world can watch World Cup games in peace, and Africa can stop being exploited. Totally win-win scenario.” [Read more]
Was Chuck Liddell getting knocked cold worth it for Dana White and the UFC? [Read more]
They say a tie is like kissing your sister. Of course, those saying that are a bunch of sick, sister-kissing freaks, so it may just be best to ignore them, especially when it comes to the U.S. National Soccer team holding mighty England to a draw in the 2010 World Cup. [Read more]
By definition, Birthers are Conspiracy Theorists. And after more than 500 days since Barack Obama was sworn in as President of the United States, their persistence means they have now equaled 9/11 Truthers as the most obnoxious of conspiracists. [Read more]
Another man – Republican lobbyist Larry Marchant – has come forward admitting to an affair with Republican gubernatorial front-runner Nikki Haley.
Honestly, I just don’t care one way or another about this “Scandal.” But, being that it would have been said already if the genders were switched, let me just make this proclamation:
Will Folks & Larry Marchant are family-wrecking whores.
AFGHANISTAN — American actor and martial arts enthusiast Chuck Norris will take over as the No. 3 man in Al Qaeda, sources say. Norris, known for his hyper-conservative views and Internet Facts, will join the terrorist organization in a private ceremony later today.
While many have voiced confusion about the move due to Norris being an unapologetic Christian, an Al-Qaeda spokesman said it all made perfect sense. [Read more]
Being a lobbyist can’t be easy. First off, in most cases, you have to actually rid yourself of any soul whatsoever to get into the business. Secondly, there are no career goals outside of getting paid – even the most successful lobbyists on the planet have no real “achievements.” Just bucketloads of money.
Are they a necessary evil? I don’t know. But perhaps America might be a better place if lobbyists didn’t tell Americans that they could get cancer if they tax the wealthy.
Lobbying campaigns by people who have money must appear to be for the good of those who don’t, or they aren’t worth the money. [Read more]
While Israel fights its newest PR war after it’s attack on an aid flotilla left a dozen or so dead, the U.S. is showing that friends in high places can be quite helpful. First, the Obama Administration has taken a stand from the rest of the planet by not condemning the acts. And second, it seems that Israelis can even manage to kidnap American citizens without getting any reprimand from Washington.
WASHINGTON – Angered over repeated accusations that they have no answers or plans, the GOP today announced a new strategic plan to save the Gulf of Mexico from Grace Slick.
“We are the party of today, and tomorrow,” said House Minority Leader John Boehner. “The Grace Slick situation in the Gulf of Mexico is one that we’re ready to handle.”
When informed that Grace Slick was a singer who now lived in Illinois, Republicans, as is their wont, refused to back down, budge or change course.
“Listen, Grace Slick is out there and we’re losing jobs,” said Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal. “Obama has no interest in her, but we Republicans sure do.” [Read more]
HOLLYWOOD – After decades of being reviled as history’s worst monster, Adolf Hitler has had a surprise resurgence recently, mostly as a result of entertainers like Glenn Beck and others bringing up his name so much. The new attention has paid dividends, however, as Patrick Duffy will star as Hitler in the new NBC sitcom “That’s So Hitler!”
“A whole new generation is coming up that haven’t been brainwashed by actual history,” said NBC employee Patrick Buchanan. “They just hear his name mentioned repeatedly nowadays and hear how ‘Obama is Hitler,’ and think, ‘hey, Hitler was Ok.’” [Read more]
Like many, I watched the finale of the hit show Lost with much anticipation. Unlike many others, I take a very realistic view of the program.
Basically, I think we’re all dead.
Let me explain: In the finale of Lost, we learn that the alternate universe where they were residing is more of a limbo-type plane of existence. All were waiting to be “awoken” to their real existence, find peace with it, and move on, to heaven it appears.
So here’s what I’m saying: I think we all died during the Bush Administration. Now, that sounds REALLY far-fetched, I know, but think about it – it was the Bush Administration. It’s possible. He could have figured out a way. [Read more]