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    100% of Mitt Romneys think U.S. citizens are jerks

    WASHINGTON, D.C. — A new Gallup poll today showing that a large percentage of Mitt Romneys think U.S. citizens are “jerks.”

    The poll – which took the opinions of one Mitt Romney over a 10-state area – showed some negative trends for the U.S. public. By wide margins, American citizens were thought to be “stupid,” and “Jerks,” and that they “should not be involved in the governing process.

     

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    Donate to me or I won’t Tweet & Blog Obama to victory

    My friends, the 2012 U.S. elections are the most important of our lives. Which is why you should give me money.

    Yes, my friends, it is that time again – the time for you to decide how much you love your country by giving money to a U.S. blogger residing in Brazil. As has been proven time and again, my words reverberate around the globe and give President Barack Obama a distinct edge in his race against humanoid life form Mitt Romney. For instance, when I tweeted this:

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    House GOP passes bill requesting Al Qaeda attack U.S. in late-October

    WASHINGTON – In its last action before recess, GOP representatives passed a bill through the House that would require President Barack Obama to send a personal letter to Al Qaeda leaders, requesting a large terrorist attack on a blue state of the U.S. in late-October. The bill passed across party lines.

    “We feel that a large-scale terrorist attack on the U.S. and its citizens is just what America needs right now,” said Speaker of the House John Boehner. “Just one devastating attack would be the end of this President, meaning lower taxes and more jobs would be on the way.”

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    Mitt Romney, Sarah Palin demand people be allowed to yell “Fire!” in crowded theaters

    DES MOINES – Appearing together on stage for the first time, Republican Presidential nominee Mitt Romney and former Vice-Presidential nominee Sarah Palin had harsh words for the administration of President Barack Obama.

    “By even mentioning that he did not like an anti-Muslim video, Obama has put all Americans in grave danger,” said Romney, smirking. “And when I say Americans, I’m not including troops overseas, because I’m only talking about important things in this speech.”

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    Breaking: Obama donates $1 million to Mitt Romney campaign

    WASHINGTON – The re-election campaign for President Barack Obama has made a $1 million donation to the Mitt Romney campaign. The donation comes on the heels of Romney’s recent foray into foreign affairs, accusing Obama of sympathizing with Islamic extremists, despite the fact that it never happened.

    Sources close to the Obama campaign said they wanted to make the donation to give Romney more chances to appear on television so voters could see more of him.

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    Sept. 11: There is no comparison

    Today is the 11th anniversary of the 9/11 terrorist attacks on the United States. It is a day for remembrance of those who lost their lives and loved ones.  And it’s a day to remember those who have used 9/11 to advance their own political agendas:

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    Vote for me for the office I deserve to win

    It has been several months since I, William K. Wolfrum, formally declared my intention to run for the office that I deserve to win. Since then, I have had multiple donors who have helped me spread my message across this great land.

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    Fact-Checking William K. Wolfrum: The Fact-Checkening

    Over the years, William K. Wolfrum has made numerous outlandish claims in blogs, on Twitter, in real life and occasionally while sleeping. Such claims demand non-partisan fact-checking to give the public the truth of the matter. That is why I, William K. Wolfrum, have taken it upon myself to fact-check some of these claims.

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    God signs new 4-year deal with Democrats: “I can finally get my Mom a new house”

    HEAVEN – God, the controversial creator of everything everywhere, has signed a new deal with the Democratic Party that will keep him in their fold for the next four years.

    “This is just a thrill,” said God, 42. “There so much uncertainty in this game, but now I feel as though I’ve finally made it.”

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    Obama did not kill bin Laden – He’s running for office in Brazil

    Yes, Bin Laden is alive and well in Brazil, where he’s running for office in the mid-term elections. His political aims? Apparently disillusioned by Jihad following his Pakistan bullet adventure, he is running to rid the nation of corruption and child labor. It’s a big move for Osama, who once made a living in Brazil in the bug extermination business.

    Brazilians aren’t at all fearful of Bin Laden, and for good reason. They have Batman and Robin to protect them.

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    Your Twitter choir won’t be winning this election

    One of the first soccer games I attended in Brazil was a battle between Minas Gerais interstate rivals Cruzeiro and Atlético Mineiro. The crowd of more than 50,000 was evenly split between fans of each team, with each side separated from one another in the stadium.

    During intermission, I wandered around the stadium, coming to the area where police had cordoned off the sides. On one side were fans of Cruzeiro, the other side fans of Atlético, both sides taunting one another. Then, the taunting got too intense. And the police tear gassed the lot of us.

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    Birth-Control as 9/11 -- Know your hyperbole

    When Republican Rep. Mike Kelly stood in front of the world and stated that the birth-control mandate was comparable to Sept.11 and the Pearl Harbor attacks, it got people’s attention. This was a true game-changing statement in many ways. Mostly, it changed how we Americans should now compare things.

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    I got your culture right here, with a side order of French fries

    Being an incredible success in life is something I’ve come to grips with lo these many years. And while I’d like to say that hard work and discipline have taken me to my current staggering heights, we all know that’s a load of nonsense. There is but one reason why I am the successful man I am:

    I’m cultured like a son of a bitch.

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    NBC has Twitter suspend journalist critical of Olympics coverage - I'm out

    I have been a big fan and user at Twitter for some time and feel it is a social media tool with incredible potential. That said, I’m out. Because of this:

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    Brazil's Neymar - a gold medal would make up for that haircut

    With two games down in the London Olympics, Brazil’s men’s soccer team has looked strong, scoring six goals on its way to two victories. Brazil’s most famous player – young attacker Neymar – is showing why European clubs are drooling over him, scoring twice and setting up two other goals.

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    Penn State deserves worse

    Penn State just received a walloping from the NCAA for the Sandusky pedophilia ring. A penalty of $60 million, vacating all its wins from 1998 to 2011 and a ban from bowl games for four years.

    And it’s not enough.

    On its own, Penn State University needs to drop its football program for at least five years. Pulling Joe Paterno’s statue down and pretending like the last 40 years didn’t happen isn’t enough.

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    Mitt Romney: There’s no there there - or worse

    There is no there there.

    This allegation has long been lobbed at Mitt Romney. In the GOP primaries of 2008, it wasn’t much of a secret that Romney was generally despised by the other GOP candidates. And Presidential looks be damned, the public didn’t show Romney much love, either.

    But Romney followed the game plan of Bob Dole, John McCain and others in the Republican party – he waited until it was his turn. The year is 2012, this is Mitt Romney’s turn.

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    Anderson Cooper stands up, is counted

    Anderson Cooper’s sexual preference has never been much of a secret, but his coming out to Andrew Sullivan and the world in a touching e-mail truly resonates. Everyone's experience on this planet is different, and no where is that more true than in the LGBT community.

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