William K. Wolfrum's picture

    KFC announces new “Eat It Off The Floor, Bitch!” Promotion

    KENTUCKY – Following its hyper-successful “KFC Famous Bowls” and “Double-Down Sandwich” campaigns, KFC has announced its newest promotion – “KFC’s Eat It Off The Floor, Bitch!” combo.

    William K. Wolfrum's picture

    Dear Rick Barber: Go ahead and Gather your Army, tough guy

    Only 600,000 or so were killed in the Civil War. So, if you're a Southern politician, why not promote wildly secessionist language in your TV ads?

     

     

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    William K. Wolfrum's picture

    Christian Warrior Gary Brooks Faulkner fails to behead Osama bin Laden

    We Americans are an independent people with a do-it-yourself attitude. And no one proves that more than Gary Brooks Faulkner. The 50-ish American – armed with a pistol, 40-inch sword, night-vision goggles and book of Christian verses – went to Pakistan on a one-man mission to behead Osama bin Laden.

    “God is with me, and I am confident I will be successful in killing him,” Faulkner said.

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    William K. Wolfrum's picture

    South Africa promises to forever ban Vuvuzelas if rest of world stops exploiting Africa

    SOUTH AFRICA – Faced with a barrage of bad press about the endless drone of vuvuzelas during World Cup matches, South African President Jacob Zuna today announced that he will ban the horn-like instrument, provided the Western world stop exploiting Africa.

    William K. Wolfrum's picture

    William K. Wolfrum’s Morning – June 14, 2010


    Was Chuck Liddell getting knocked cold worth it for Dana White and the UFC?

    William K. Wolfrum's picture

    No Sister Kissing: U.S. must celebrate World Cup tie with England

    ENgland-U.S. tie

    They say a tie is like kissing your sister. Of course, those saying that are a bunch of sick, sister-kissing freaks, so it may just be best to ignore them, especially when it comes to the U.S. National Soccer team holding mighty England to a draw in the 2010 World Cup.

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    Nikki Haley accusers Will Folks & Larry Marchant are family-wrecking whores

    Another man – Republican lobbyist Larry Marchant – has come forward admitting to an affair with Republican gubernatorial front-runner Nikki Haley.

    Honestly, I just don’t care one way or another about this “Scandal.” But, being that it would have been said already if the genders were switched, let me just make this proclamation:

    Will Folks & Larry Marchant are family-wrecking whores.

    –WKW


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    Chuck Norris to take over Al Qaeda No. 3 Job

    AFGHANISTAN — American actor and martial arts enthusiast Chuck Norris will take over as the No. 3 man in Al Qaeda, sources say. Norris, known for his hyper-conservative views and Internet Facts, will join the terrorist organization in a private ceremony later today.

    While many have voiced confusion about the move due to Norris being an unapologetic Christian, an Al-Qaeda spokesman said it all made perfect sense.

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    If you Tax the Rich, you'll get cancer and die

    Being a lobbyist can’t be easy. First off, in most cases, you have to actually rid yourself of any soul whatsoever to get into the business. Secondly, there are no career goals outside of getting paid – even the most successful lobbyists on the planet have no real “achievements.” Just bucketloads of money.

    Are they a necessary evil? I don’t know. But perhaps America might be a better place if lobbyists didn’t tell Americans that they could get cancer if they tax the wealthy.

    From Politico:

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    William K. Wolfrum's picture

    Telling Israel not to kidnap U.S. Citizens is Anti-Semitic

    While Israel fights its newest PR war after it’s attack on an aid flotilla left a dozen or so dead, the U.S. is showing that friends in high places can be quite helpful. First, the Obama Administration has taken a stand from the rest of the planet by not condemning the acts. And second, it seems that Israelis can even manage to kidnap American citizens without getting any reprimand from Washington.

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    GOP unveil plan to save Gulf of Mexico from Grace Slick

    WASHINGTON – Angered over repeated accusations that they have no answers or plans, the GOP today announced a new strategic plan to save the Gulf of Mexico from Grace Slick.

    “We are the party of today, and tomorrow,” said House Minority Leader John Boehner. “The Grace Slick situation in the Gulf of Mexico is one that we’re ready to handle.”

    When informed that Grace Slick was a singer who now lived in Illinois, Republicans, as is their wont, refused to back down, budge or change course.

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