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    Newt Gingrich stars in new Nike "Err Newt" ad campaign

    As speculation grows about a potential 2012 Presidential run, ex-Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich has teamed up with Nike to produce an advertisement meant to both soften the controversial Republican’s image, as well as sell his new line of products, available at Nike.

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    Tiger Woods & William K. Wolfrum return to golf course

    LAS VEGAS – The golfing world is buzzing as two of the world’s most important golfers – Tiger Woods and William K. Wolfrum returned to the game of golf on Thursday. Woods shot a first-round 68 at the Masters in Augusta, Ga., while Wolfrum shot a 99 at Arroyo Golf Club at Red Rock in Las Vegas.

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    Avatar II: The Tax Revoltening

    If you thought the movie “Avatar” wasn’t enough of a trite rehash, just wait until “Avatar 2: The Tax Revoltening.” Coming April 15, this new epic will feature a new Dick Armey led brigade marching on Washington – but this time, they’re doing it virtually*.

    Yes, tapping into the Tea Party’s overwhelming desire to stay at home and grunt loudly while wearing their underwear, this march promises to do to the Internet what the Tea Party has done to National Politics – absolutely nothing.

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    Pope Benedict shoot & kills God – claims he was just protecting the Church

    VATICAN – Claiming he had no choice and was only protecting himself and his Church, Pope Benedict today shot and killed God. The Almighty was rushed to a nearby hospital but was pronounced dead from the wounds.

    The shooting took place moments before the Pope’s annual Easter Mass. During the Mass, the Pope declared that the act of violence was necessary to help stop the “Flood of Gossip” which threatens to derail the church. A senior Pope spokesman later discussed the incident with CNN’s Anderson Cooper.

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    John McCain announces he’s a vampire, like in Twilight

    ARIZONA – Faced with a difficult primary challenge from J.D. Hayworth in his senatorial re-election bid, Sen. John McCain announced today that he’s actually a vampire, like in the “Twilight” movies.

    “Yeah, you kids love vampires, dontcha,” said McCain, wearing a cape. “Well I’m a romantic, hunky, super-conservative vampire. Bella!!”

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    Jesse James named new RNC chairman after Michael Steele fired

    WASHINGTON – The Republican National Committee, finally fed up with his free-spending ways and controversies, have fired Michael Steele as RNC Chairman and announced that TV Star Jesse James will be replacing him.

    “We felt that Steele had his chance and blew it,” said an RNC source. “We are now heading in a different direction.”

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    Respect to Ricky Martin for coming out

    Having known people throughout my life that have struggled mightily with coming out, I think the “duh, of course he’s gay” jokes that are already attached to Ricky Martin coming out as a gay man are thoughtless at best and hurtful at worst.

    So here’s offering much respect and admiration to Ricky Martin on his announcement today:

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    Blogger admits to dominating Michael Steele at Bondage Club

    BRAZIL – In a telephone interview, noted blogger William K. Wolfrum admitted to dominating Republican National Committee Chairman Michael Steele at a bondage club in Southern California.

    “I just kept asking him why Republicans always talk about fiscal responsibility but whenever they govern they run up massive deficits,” said Wolfrum, a one-time “Fly Girl” on the show In Living Color. “He had nothing to say. I totally dominated.”

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    Barack Obama is Xenu: Scientology, Tea Party join forces

    LOS ANGELES – Combining the works of science fiction author L. Ron Hubbard, fictional character Ronald Reagan, economics fiction writer Milton Friedman and actor Tom Cruise, the Church of Scientology has announced that it has officially joined forces with the Tea Party movement.

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    Sarah Palin Show canceled due to lack of reality

    SILVER SPRING, Md. – Discovery Communications has announced that it has been forced to cancel the upcoming reality show “Sarah Palin’s Alaska,” after it was learned that Palin ran out of reality almost two years ago. The eight-part documentary series was to star the ex-Governor Palin and her home state of Alaska and was slated to premiere on TLC, and executive produced by Emmy-award winner Mark Burnett of Survivor and Apprentice fame.

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    Conservatives beg Democrats: "Stop hitting yourselves!"

    WASHINGTON — Stating that it was only a matter of time before they beat themselves to death, top Republicans have come forward pleading for the Democratic Party to stop hitting themselves.

    Following the passage of Health Care Reform, concerned Republicans have come out in force, begging Democrats to stop battering themselves with their own legislation, which is naturally causing them to receive threats of violence.

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    Tiger Woods to run for Senate as Republican

    FLORIDA – Entering an already crowded field of contenders, golfer Tiger Woods today announced that he will be running for the U.S. Senate Seat in Florida.

    “Responsibility,” said Woods. “Dignity.”

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    Shia LaBeouf: Sage investor or InterOil dupe?

    So who do you get your stock tips from, these days? How about 23-year-old actor Shia Labeouf? Yes, in studying for his role in the upcoming film “Wall Street 2,” Labeouf spent time at John Thomas Financial. At John Thomas, InterOil (IOC) is their “favorite energy stock.”

    So guess which stock LaBeouf is praising?

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    Blogger receiving death threats from extremist birds

    BRAZIL – In an attempt to show that Democratic politicians aren’t the only ones dealing with threats and violence, blogger William K. Wolfrum today admitted that a bird crapped on his car, which he called an “obvious attempt to shut me up.”

    “You know, Democrats are whining and complaining about receiving death threats and whatnot, but really, I’m the victim here,” said Wolfrum, formerly a back-up singer with the band A-Ha. “But do you hear me complaining about it? No, death threats and bird crappings are par for the course in today’s world.”

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    Baby Jesus molested by Catholic Priest, disappears

    BETHLEHEM (March 24, 0008) – The parents of Jesus Christ – the much ballyhooed Son of God – have accused a Catholic Church Priest of molesting their child, causing him to flee from the area.

    “We really should have known better than to let him hang out with Catholics,” said Mary, mother of Jesus. “They’re just a bunch of predators.”

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    Tiger Woods shocker! I admit to affair with golf legend

    BRAZIL – In a telephone interview, I admitted to an affair with sex-addicted golf legend Tiger Woods.

    “Yes, I, William K. Wolfrum, had an affair with Tiger Woods,” I said. “The man is insatiable.”

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    Jesus Christ sees vision of himself on tortilla

    FRESNO – Jesus Christ Almighty was making himself and his followers a quick bite to eat when he noticed something amazing – he could see himself on the tortilla he had just made.

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    I dream of a better world (with no pedophile-protecting Popes)

    I have always lived my life as an optimist. Because of this, I have vivid fantasies of a better world for all of us.

    I believe that one day, man will put down his arms and celebrate peace. That enemies will become friends. And that we won’t have a Pope that covers up for Pedophiles.

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    Tea Party, Birthers and anti-government types an asset for the Democratic Party

    One of the strangest things to watch in the mainstream media has been how hard they’ve strained to make anti-government protesters into a major national story.

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    Coat Hanger Lobby thrilled with Health Care Reform Abortion deal

    WASHINGTON – The Powerful Coat Hanger Lobby celebrated a huge victory over the weekend, as the Senate’s Health Care Reform Bill passed the House of Representatives.

    While Democrats have also cheered the passage of the bill – which could get 30 million more Americans health care coverage – the Coat Hanger Lobby was especially thrilled with deal that will not allow poor women to receive abortions.


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