The Take Back queen of echo park

    I can't let the doom and gloom get to me, after all it's the holidays. People out shopping, the Salvation army collecting and---some people just don't get it, they're ripping off corporations returning clothes they've purchased and worn for three months, or junk they bought somewhere else. If these scams continue, the economy will tank faster than North Korea hacking the entire Fortune 500! But retailers today should stop complaining because they don't know how lucky they are never to have encountered the Take Back Queen of Echo Park.

    We met in California and even the greatest of melting pots couldn't work that one out but the community property laws eventually did so. It was Bronx/Italian--"you wanna go to the mat on this?" meets Ohio farm boy---"I'll cooperate, but don't push my damn buttons."

    Angela's haggling made be bleed internally. In Ohio we'd ask the price and if we didn't buy it we would apologize for half an hour. The aftermath of trips to Mexico with Angela and the purchase of a guitar or scarf could keep me in bed for days. If I had been more flexible, I'd be a rich man today. Nothing, nothing, was not returnable by Angela to a gift shop, pharmacy or department store. If I had returned half the stuff I've bought in a lifetime I'd be living in a New York penthouse.

    We were in a budgeting mess, plus baby sitting a colleague's three year old boy, Sammy. Angela dipped down into the inventory of returnable clothes. She wasn't a "free renter" and we kept a neat house. Clothes to be returned were in a pile on the closet floor, tags in tact. She pulled a dress out of inventory, handed it to me: "I need you to return this to I Magnin", she said. "No way", I said, leaping to my last defense too quickly. "Sammy is driving me nuts, and you need to do something to help around here." she said, "Sammy, put your coat on."

    I wasn't dressed for I Magnin and Sammy already had chocolate down the front of his coat. Nevertheless the intrepid returners approached a counter in the dress department. "I'm returning this", I said. The woman gave me the side-eye, "I don't recognize this", she said. We talked pleasantly, Sammy was at the cosmetics counter across the way smearing it with chocolate and the woman went into the back room. When she returned, she carried the entire authority of I Magnin on her face. "This purchase is three years old", she said, "it's not that we don't carry the dress any longer, we don't even have this department" pointing to the tag.

    This was serious. I was not ready for a divorce during the holiday season. I gathered my Appalachian roots and spoke in measured terms, deep breathing. "Here's how it is, I need to return this dress or face humiliation. And believe me you will not want to deal with my wife when she hears about this and comes in here, I Magnin or no. She will hit more sour high notes than Minnie Pearl singing Madam Butterfly at the Grand Ol Opry and you'll lose more business than if you just take this back. Sammy, come on over to this counter."

    The Christmas season and calm of the store somehow coalesced and the woman finally relented. "I'm going to take this back", but please tell her that our new policy is one year, not three." Sammy and I skipped out of the store as if we had just won the lottery.

    I grew in stature in Angela's eye's. She figured she could actually take me on a trip to New York, ride the subway, and even go a family wedding. We got along for a good many years, the floor inventory of clothing, like a savings account, rising and falling with the economy and I was never again asked to return anything. My success at I. Magnin was like a rite of passage.

    Despite all the news items decrying purchase return scams, the retailers today don't know how lucky they are, I suppose Angela might be buying most of her things on line. For me, I have no problem returning a table saw with a broken blade or a light fixture with a $10 vintage bulb missing because I was trained by a pro, a friend, and the Take Back Queen of Echo Park. Merry Christmas. 

    Comments

    Dear Lord,  what a great story.  This made me laugh, partly because just yesterday my sister talked about taking back a pair of pants from last Xmas. Thanks for the fun read.


    Thank you, Smith. Your dedication here inspires me.


    "Magnin", farm boy.


    Most retailers issue store credit nowadays, which makes returning something more like an exchange. You can get a different item, but they keep your money. Not to mention that they know if you have to spend store credit, you're likely to wind up spending even more.


    Thanks. My main retailers, Home Depot and Lowes used to give cash back but stopped.

    I see how I could have written this story differently, it's TMI on the personal. Oh, well, if I spend too much time analyzing something, nothing gets written.

    I enjoyed your haiku.

    I was thinking how smart my pine trees are in the way they prepare for winter but can't seem to turn a haiku about it.

      


    The personal side is what makes it a good story and an interesting read. It framed the subject matter quite nicely!

    I've never been a big fan of shopping, so I'm always loathe to return things. It's just another trip to a store I probably didn't want to visit in the first place. But for some odd reason, I like Lowes. Go figure!

    Pine trees are underrated feats of nature.


    Thanks.

    Underrated---yes, that's it. I could start a novel with that line.

     


    I am sitting here laughing because it brings back memories of my mother in law.  Many years ago when I was young and first married, she would give gifts at special occasions like Christmas of clothing that didn't fit.  She would leave the tags on them and offer the receipt so you could return them.

    So in early January with snow up to my butt, I would go across town to exchange all the gifts she bought us. Sometimes I was successful other times I was not and would come home frustrated from the experience.  It didn't take me too many birthdays and holidays to figure out I was the only one given this task. She would buy usable non clothing gifts for everyone else.  My family would get the returns. I finally got tired of that so I just put them in a consignment shop to sell because that were most of them were ending up when not returnable. I would hand the kids some money after Christmas telling them that it came from the returns and they would pick out something from the sales. I would suggest things to her that the kids would want or like but that would go in one ear and right out the other. I would drop hints that we needed a new alarm clock or some towels but it was ignored. Then during the unwrapping she would say that she didn't know what to get us. This was something she just did and was never going to change.  


    That's a great story. And of course the behavior continued despite your kindly messages to her, but you found a great solution.

    We had a Beverly Hills connection to a guy who worked in a high end store selling silver, tableware, gifts. There was an actress who had at least one Z in her name who was a "free renter" and a real problem for the store. But she finally excommunicated herself when she returned 24 place settings which had been used at a dinner party but hadn't been put through a dish washer.

    We got some good deals there.


    I always thought she was trying to send me a message but I could never figure it out or why? 


    It took effort, so a message(s) was embedded. Possible options.

    You needed to get out more.

    You were not treating your husband well,

    You were a spendthrift.

    You didn't know how to buy clothes for kids.

    My mother-in-law had some great ones. "Why do your friends from college wear plaid pants?"

    Then sitting right next to me at the dinner table, she addresses her question to wife across the table: "Does your husband want another canole?"

     


    I made all my kids cloths, including their coats and sweaters because it was easy for me.  I had always liked to sew.  Her other granddaughter told me how jealous she was of my daughters cloths. and always wished she could have the same. It just never made much sense.  

    The kids and I always dreaded going there for the Christmas.  We would get our lecture on how to behave and what not to say on the way there.  So the kids played quietly and I always brought needle work to entertain myself with until it was over.  I would just smile and bring up the weather. I would play a imaginary game that they all had Minnie Pearl hats on and who would brag about spending the most that year on vacations and big people toys showing off that price tag. They would delegate me to the kids table since I had 2 kids to serve and I would do all the clean up in the kitchen to help pass the time.  Then on the way home the kids and I would get our after action report on our behavior and where we needed improvement. 

    We were always happy to get home and enjoy the rest of our Christmas.


    The "rest of our Christmas". I like that.


    You guys are reminding me of how lucky I am to be "celebrating" away from family in the peace and quiet that is only now beginning to descend because of this holiday after yet another hectic day! My life has been extremely stressful since late spring. I did the "visit family for comfort" thing for Thanksgiving on suggestion of many. I came back with more anxiety and angst than when I left, as they did not comfort but piled their own anxieties and issues on top my own.

    I am getting more relaxed than in a long time in knowing that I will not have to deal with family issues tonight because I have asked them for peace as a gift. I am thinking that I may even go to church (just for the zen of it!) Extended family can be a great comfort in times of trouble, but it has to be real serious trouble when they set all their minor "issues" aside for a temporary cause.

    We are only truly safe from the need to fulfill expectations of others with those members of family who truly are friends and not just "family."


    I empathize with your cultural discord. My Russian-born wife often tries to shame me, a simple Iowa boy, when I resist her orders to engage in petty cheats and exploits, such as forging her signature or cutting ahead of a line of cars waiting to exit. I attribute her attitude to the corruption and resource scarcity of her Soviet youth. Oddly, she is very conscious of store return policies, perhaps because returns were not an option under the Communists.


    I didn't know about your Iowa roots, that's a fascinating cultural combination. It must be a Midwest thing---cutting a line is just not right. Of course gossip and shunning a neighbor is just fine.

     


    New Yorkers shun their neighbors too. Indeed, most New Yorkers shun all their neighbors.

    (Which reminds me, I need to invite our new neighbors to our holiday party. They're Russian.)


    Latest Comments