William K. Wolfrum's picture

    I denounce “Liberal” Martin Eisenstadt and his new book!

    Throughout my long and inglorious writing career, I have always held true to the concept that money, fame, and recognition was always secondary. Good work has always been its own reward. These words I have lived by. But no more.

    You see, in slightly more than two weeks, Martin Eisenstadt will have his first book - “I Am Martin Eisenstadt: One Man’s (Wildly Inappropriate) Adventures with the Last Republicans” - hit the stands. This is the same Eisenstadt that I spent part of 2008 conclusively proving was a hoax. The one who was wrong about everything (except Sarah Palin’s $900 spray-on tan. Turns out that was true.). And he gets the book deal. To make matters worse, he mocks me - by name - throughout the book.

    Well, let me tell you, I’m somewhat peeved. And I will take it no longer.

    I hereby denounce Martin Eisenstadt’s upcoming book. I also denounce Martin Eisenstadt, his assistants, his family and his pets, provided he has any. Consider this a full-blanket, scorched-earth-type denouncement. I really want to have my bases covered on this. I also denounce the food he eats.

    In denouncing Eisenstadt, I join a long list of conservative commentators like Debbie Schlussel who long ago denounced him. Knowing that far-right thinkers are always astute judges of character (see Bush, George W.) I believe that now is the correct time to denounce Eisenstadt.

    But denouncement isn’t enough. It never is. What we need here is a full-scale preemptive strike. And I’ll let Schlussel deliver it:

    “When I was a teen and worked as a summer intern on Capitol Hill, there was a fellow intern, [Martin Eisenstadt], who worked for Jack Kemp. An Orthodox Jew, [Eisenstadt] was an extremely good-looking guy on his way to becoming a rabbi. Instead, he became a liberal.”

    Yes, my friends, radical right neo-con extraordinaire Martin Eisenstadt is, in fact, a liberal. He’ll deny it, but it’s something you should really keep in mind when you decide whether or not to buy his book.



    Bah!!! Poe's law! Poe's law! My head is about to explode!

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