WASHINGTON – In an extremely bold maneuver today, the White House today made it clear they were going to take on the British Petroleum oil disaster by ignoring it in the hopes it will just go away.

“What oil spill? The Gulf of Mexico is fine, just fine,” said White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs. “Next question.”

In response to Comedy Central's decision to self-censor a South Park episode in which the prophet Muhammad was depicted wearing a bear suit, a Seattle comedian declared May 20th as "Everybody Draw Muhammad" Day.

My immediate reaction upon hearing the news was, "For fuck's sake, everybody grow up."

Forced to admit that reality and Conservatism can’t survive together, top Conservative leaders came together today to announce that they have begun “Creality,” a new, separate reality only for Conservatives.

“Ronald Reagan remains the greatest President ever,” said Top Conservative Newt Gingrich. “My term as Speaker of the House was the most successful in U.S. history.”

I know, I know—and in other news, it’s hot on the Equator, right?

But the comments made by Mark Williams, conservative radio host and chairman of the Tea Party Express, are beyond the pale. He calls Allah a “monkey god” and refers to follows of Islam as “animal of Allah.”