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    The Heretic's Bible - Genesis 10: Of ites and ims

    By Michael Wolraich on Sun, 06/14/2009 - 9:55pm | Humor & Satire, Religion

    This is another boring chapter. It’s just a list Noah’s kids and grandkids and great grandkids who founded seventy nations between them, including a bunch of “ites”  (Canaanites, Jebusites, Amorites, Girgashites, Hivites, Overbites, Arkites, Sinites, Arvadites, Uptites, and Chamathites) and a few “ims” (Ludim, Anamim, Wetdrim, Lehabhim, Naftuchim, Pathrusim, Casluchim, Caphtorim, and Shavincrim). I didn’t count seventy, but that’s what the Great Rabbi says, and he is one wise counter.

    There is one line, however, that makes the whole chapter worth reading:

    Nimrod was a mighty trapper before God. There is thus a saying, “Like Nimrod, a mighty trapper before God!”

    As the Great Rabbi has written, “Behold the Torah, the magnificent prose of the Lord. No mortal scribe may rival his infinite pith!”


    The Heretic's Bible is a translation of a recently discovered commentary by a notorious first century heretic, Joseph the Latriner. The commentary is presented in italics with footnotes by the translator.

    Previous: Genesis 9 - Noah gets naked
    Next: Genesis 11 - God is an asshole

     

    Topics: 
    Humor & Satire
    Religion
    Series: 
    The Heretic's Bible

    Comments

    I'll admit I was a little skeptical on the Nimrod bit and had to go to BibleGateway.com to verify. For those who are similarly dubious, it's Genesis 10:9. I apologize to the greate Latriner for doubting his translation.


    by Nebton on Mon, 06/15/2009 - 9:56am