The descendents of Nimrod, the mighty trapper before God, settled in the valley of Shinar. Once they were settled, they decided that it would be fun to build a really tall tower that reached the sky, so that’s what they did.

Then God came around to check out their tower, and he apparently wasn’t too pleased because he said,

“They are a single people, all having one language, and this is the first thing they do! Now nothing they plan to do will be unattainable for them! Come, let us descend and confuse their speech, so that one person will not understand another's speech.”

So God and his pals, whoever they are, descended and confused the people’s speech and scattered them all over the world. Then the people stopped building the city because in addition to translation problems, they were scattered all over the world.

Commentary: You know that kid in school who sees some smaller kids make a tower out of blocks, so he kicks it over to impress his buddies with how big and bad and all-powerful he is. That’s God. But at least He didn’t drown everyone this time.

Anyway, the rest of the chapter is another boring list of descendents and how long they lived. The weird thing is that most of them lived to be 400+ even though God already said that no one would get to live past 120. Maybe He forgot. He should have made another rainbow-type-reminder-thing.

The last bit is important though. In the twentieth generation after Adam, there was a guy named Abram. Abram married a woman named Sarai, who was sterile.

Commentary: I love cliffhangers.

The Heretic's Bible is a translation of a recently discovered commentary by a notorious first century heretic, Joseph the Latriner. The commentary is presented in italics with footnotes by the translator.

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