The following list of ten defense strategies may or may not have been found near a trash bin outside Rod Blagojevich's home, and may or may not be a list of ten things he thought of to defend himself and to discuss with his lawyer, Ed Genson.

My Top Ten Secret Legal Strategies, by Rod Blagojevich

10.  That Was Illegal? No way.

9.  The So-Called Sale of the Senate Seat Was a Victimless Crime. You know, like Spitzer.  And my victimless crime would have saved the taxpayers money, by subsidizing my other campaigns.  Something like that.  We can work with this.

8.  No One Is Dumb Enough To Say All That [Expletive] [Expletive] And Really Mean It. Seriously!  When we get in front of a jury, no one is ever going to believe that anyone could really mean all that stuff about selling the Senate seat. Nobody's that [expletive] stupid!  Right?

7.  I Was Chipping Golf Balls on My Lawn When the Calls Were Taped. It could not have been me on the phone selling the Senate seat, I was chipping golf balls on my lawn when several of the calls were recorded.  Famous people do this all the time, when they are supposedly committing sensational crimes, I think.

6.  Appoint Someone To the Seat.  This proves I'm honest.  We'll figure out why it proves this after we do it.

5.  Col. Nathan Jessup Defense:  You Want the Truth?  You Can't Handle the Truth! My existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lives.  You don't want the truth because, deep down in places you don't talk about at parties, you want me in that Governor's office, you need me in that Governor's office.  We use words like thing, [expletive], and golden.  We use these words as the backbone of a life spent exercising power.  You use them as a punchline.  I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a public that rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very power that I exercise and then questions the manner in which I exercise it.  I don't give a damn what you think you are entitled to.

3.  I Never Even Finished the Crime. If they had let me auction off the Senate seat, then they might have had something to complain about.  But U.S. Attorney Smartypants Fitzgerald indicted me for talking about doing something that might be wrong.  Who doesn't ever think about doing something wrong?  [Expletive] Mother [Expletive] Theresa?  Whatever.

2.  I Can't Be Corrupt, Everyone In Illinois Hates Me. Corrupt people do favors for their friends.  I have none.  My approval rating is [expletive] four percent or something.  This must be good somehow.  Ask Ed to work on this.