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    Senator Orrin Hatch and the Eight Nights of Hanukkah

    Orrin Hatch--Utah's longest serving senator in history, former presidential candidate, proud member of the Finance Committee, the subcommittees on Energy, Natural Resources, and Infrastructure and Taxation and IRS Oversight, the Select Committee on Intelligence, the Committee on the Judiciary, and the Health, Education, Labor and Pensions Committee, as well as the Joint Committee on Taxation--can now add another feather to his well-befeathered hat: Hanukkah lyricist.

    You may be surprised to learn that in addition to his senatorial duties and occasional cameos on major motion pictures, the 75-year-old Republican senator is also a songwriter. From his profile page at LDS Music:

    Senator Orrin Hatch's song "Heal Our Land" was performed at the inauguration of President George W. Bush, January 20, 2005. This patriotic song was sung by Wintley Phipps, a gospel singer who has performed for presidents at the White House and for popes at the Vatican. He is also the founder the U.S. Dream Academy, an online Christian academic resource.

    One of Orrin Hatch's songs can be found on the commemorative CD for the 2002 Winter Olympics. He recently teamed with the Osmonds: Second Generation to produce I Love America. And in the wake of September 11th, Orrin released the single, America United: A tribute to all those who lost their lives on September 11th. His works also include The Locket (music written for the book by Richard Paul Evans), Put Your Arms Around the World with Santita Jackson and Chris Willis, and Many Different Roads: A Tribute to Diana Princess of Wales and Mother Teresa.

    According to Wikipedia, the senator has also released several songs under the pen name, "because it's you, man," but this seems like one of those examples when the "citation needed" warning should be heeded.

    Senator Hatch loves music, obviously, but he also loves the Jews, whom he affectionately calls "the chosen people." We chosen ones are well known for writing fantastic Christmas jingles like "Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer" and "White Christmas," but when it comes to their own holidays, we stink. Our best known Hanukkah melody, "I Have a Little Dreidel," is the most tuneless piece of festive tripe since "Happy Birthday."

    When the good senator learned of our suffering from the writer, Jeffrey Goldberg, he decided to return the favor for all those Christmas songs by writing one for us Jews. According to Goldberg:

    Hatch said he hoped his song would be understood not only as a gift to the Jewish people but that it would help bring secular Jews to a better understanding of their own holiday. 'I know a lot of Jewish people that don't know what Hanukkah means," he said. Jewish people, he said, should "take a look at it and realize the miracle that's being commemorated here. It's more than a miracle; it's the solidification of the Jewish people."

    And so, without further ado, I give you Eight Nights of Hanukkah by Orrin Hatch, a.k.a. "because it's you, man":

    On behalf of the Jews of America, nay, the Jews of the world, I say, "Thank you Senator for the generous gift of song. It has helped us to realize the miracle that's being commemorated." (For those who watched the video but still don't realize the miracle that's being commemorated, you can find details in my Hanukkah post from last year.)

    According to the NYT, Senator Hatch has said that Eight Nights of Hanukkah will not be his last venture into Jewish music. "Anything I can do for the Jewish people, I will do," Mr. Hatch said in an interview before heading to the Senate floor to debate an abortion amendment.

    To which I respond again on behalf of the Jews, "Thank you, Senator, you've done enough. Happy Hanukkah."

    Comments

    Judah Maccabee wouldn't stand for this kind of condescension.

    But I am free, whenever Senator Hatch likes, to explain the nature of Mormonism to him. I think he'd find it revealing.


    Apparently 1/2 of my genes are Jewish. My Mum doesn't know which ones, and this Jewish girl I used to date said they certainly weren't the ones down my jeans.

    But after hearing that, I think I found them.

    They're in all those little fibres in my being that want to kill Orrin Hatch, right now.


    Eh? At least condescending Hanukkah jingles beat the heck out of blood libels and pogroms (not to mention pejorative implications about our Jewish penises).


    Judgment call.

    Blood libel...Hatch jingle... Blood libel... Hatch jingle.

     

    Nope. Screw it. Must kill Hatch.


    It's when the cossacks are singing like Orrin Hach that you have real troubles.