William K. Wolfrum's picture

    William K. Wolfrum is a great blogger, so laws should not apply to him

    My friends, it has come to my notice that I'm a fantastic blogger. Seriously, borderline brilliant. My blog posts have brought joy and comfort to hundreds and hundreds of people over the years. For many, I am the only joy they will have all day.

    Now, being this good is a burden. Namely because it gives me so many chances to commit crimes. And here's the thing - I should be able to commit these crimes. The only thing holding me back is the law. This must change.

    So here's the thing, I have started a petition titled "William K. Wolfrum is a great blogger, let him commit crimes." Now, if you're reading this, I can safely assume that my blog has made you a more reflective person. In fact, because of me, you are just a better person, period. So go sign the petition.

    My friends, the desire to commit a wide variety of crimes grows in me daily*. Without your help, I have to choose between committing these crimes or blogging. This is not a choice I want to have to make. So give me proactive immunity now, and I'll stay here cranking out those blog posts you love so much, rather than rotting in a jail cell with criminals who aren't anywhere near as good at blogging as I am.

    It's your choice. Make me above the law.

    * I promise to not commit any violent crimes. I mean, it would just be sick and inhuman for you to support me if I did something like, say, drug, rape and sodomize a child, for instance like Roman Polanski? I mean, exactly how messed  up in the head do you have to be to plead for the freedom of a serial child rapist?

    -WKW

    Originally posted at Talking Points Memo Cafe

    Comments

    I have felt compelled to leave the following horrible comments for mankind to chew on and gnash around in their pretentious mouths:  (I had no choice but to agree to your cruel arrangement)...

    Let that rotten bastard have some fun as a moral test against the cruel unyielding fibers of the Great Right Hope. The fear of hell doesn't seem to stop their heinous crimes, so we need a constant, a comparison, a good Samaritan ready to bend a rule or two for the good of man, but not necessary being forced to against his weak will. May logic and normalcy prevail over the false majority who live the 9-5 hours in shady hotel rooms which rely on their moral compromises for a steady stream of degenerate business…

     


    Note to self: the word "bastard" is not fit for public consumption and online petitions will not stand for it.  Always replace the word "bastard" with "fool" when dealing with the government.  Your actual signature may depend on it.


    This is still a fantastic post. Which is no surprise, given that you're a fantastic blogger. Nonetheless, should we ever see your ugly mug in Canada, you will immediately be detained by the RCMP, and sent to our NWest Territories re-education camp (and grill.)

    See, the Swiss can do what they like (and do do what they like), but for our Mounties, there is some shit with which they will not put up.

    Which includes you, mon frere. And Genghis. Probably Orlando too.

    As for Polanski, I give up. Laws? Laws? No rules in a knife fight. Wall Street has no rules. Oil companies have no rules. Anybody big and important faces no rules anymore. No reason you should have to. Fuckit. My new slogan - fuckit. Let 'er rip. Give 'em hell. Just do it. Have it your way. etc.


    But he can easily get by the RCMP if he offers them some Molson and sings Oh Canada.


    Don't worry, Quinn. I won't be showing my face in Canada unless those bastards try to extradite me.


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