As rumors started coming out that Tiger Woods would be cited for reckless driving for his recent controversial car crash, something struck me - What in the Hell is this country coming to?
You see, this isn’t “Bob the Mechanic” from Modesto. This is Tiger “Freaking” Woods. This is a man that - while chasing Jack Nicklaus’ unprecedented record for major golf titles, is simultaneously chasing Wilt Chamberlain’s unprecedented record of having sex with four different women every single day of his life.
Basically, it comes down to this: Tiger Woods is better than us. Much, much better, in nearly every way imaginable, but especially at golf, sex and being rich. Much like Scooter Libby, Dick Cheney, George W. Bush, Timothy Geithner and Don Rumsfeld, Tiger Woods is above the law, and well should be. Imagine if Woods “Goes Galt” on us? Better start learning Chinese.
So, the Florida Highway Patrol needs to take their $164 fine and 4 points from Woods’ drivers license and put it where the sun don’t shine (which I believe is now Barrow, Alaska.) Tiger Woods is off-limits. At least as long as he keeps winning golf tournaments. After that, it’s your call.
–WKW
Comments
If you didn't see Jon Stewart last night, you owe it to yourself to catch it (e.g., on Hulu.com).
by Nebton on Wed, 12/02/2009 - 10:07am
by quinn esq on Wed, 12/02/2009 - 11:54pm
I said it before, and I am NOT AFRAID!
WHERE'S HIS BIRTH CERTIFICATE!
THE LONG FORM, AUTHENTICATED - NO HORSESHIT PHOTOCOPIES.
This so-called "Tiger MOHAMMED Woods" is from goddamn KENYA!
Can't golf for shit, said it before, and I'll say it again. He's a cheat. Only won because of THE NCAA-CP.
AND THE MEDIA.
by quinn esq on Wed, 12/02/2009 - 11:53pm