Senor Eduardo was in a pensive mood. He was always exhilarated by the quest, by the hunt. With Sir Palidan he had found the best partner. Palidan had already fired one of Senor's caretakers for negligence. The best horse in the realm now received the best feed, fine oats from the southern plains along with clean water brought in from the local spring. Senor Eduardo was once again proud of his coat, black as the starless night and yet shiny at the same time.

But all these wonderful changes did nothing to stop his mood swings. He began ruminating, even though he was no cow:

It was a dark and stormy night and I looked out from my stall and wondered what is it all; what is it all about and why am I here and not there; and why do I have to feel it all and not hide in the main structure with the humans who seem so removed from it all; and yet I must sleep like angels do while standing up; and speaking of standing, I have little standing as far as making my views known even with my peculiar talents; because I have yearnings and hopes and dreams; nay I sometimes neigh in my sleep involuntarily and no one is usually around to hear; and I rarely get rewarded for giving it all I got but severely punished when I am not, giving it all I got; but I am told of a retirement package where I am let out in the fields for stud fees; but I know deep down inside I will never be granted parental rights so in the end it is just me, Senor Eduardo, in my stall wondering what it is all about on a dark and stormy night.

Just then he heard this from the adjoining stall:

Oh, Senor Eduardo. The pathos, the poignancy of your truths. My beloved Everest would agree. Once he was applauded, photographed, and celebrated for his special talent -- jumping fences. Now he is scolded, berated, jailed in his box stall for days by the overworked stablehands, for -- jumping fences. Life for a talented horse is inherently cruel. So, please, take the stall next to Everest and talk with him, as only you can, about the irony of it all. He has been much depressed lately, wondering, like Bridget Jones, why he is not loved, just as he is, when he once was. And spare a thought for Reginald, too, who has achieved so much, transcended so much. We need to tell you -- you, and Everest, and Reginald, how much you have added to our life experience with your respective talents. Nay (or is it neigh?), we need to reward you, lavishing both attention and affection upon you, as you are so clearly part of God's light in this world. Amen.

The voice came from a beautiful woman, a poetess who whispered:

Do not worry Senor Eduardo, I will tell no one of your qualities of speech and reasoning.  Your master is a kind and brave knight and I think of him from afar. But speak to my Everest from time to time.  He will not respond with the gift of language but he will understand you and your messages will ease his heart. The poetess was Belle of the Stables of whom we will hear more of later in this tale and her love of the Moor.

Senor Eduardo took these words to heart and he spent more time relating to his neigh-bors
from that day forward and it eased his mind and his soul and the minds and souls of his stable mates. And he spoke with Palidan and Palidan promised to put in a good word for the other horses in the stable.

But while he was ruminating, the brat Mortimer showed his ugly face. He was in the stall across from Senor and he began beating the pony who resides there.  Senor Eduardo became incensed and then he decided he would try something.

Mortimer, Mortimer.

Mortimer was shaken. Who is there. Who is there. Do not fuck with the King's only son.

Putative Son, is it not Mortimer.

Now he was even more shaken.  Who who is there.

I am the spirit of the stables. Lo where I go, thou shalt obey.

Uh..uh

Art thou beating a a defenseless animal of the only true God.

Mortimer started shaking uncontrollably. He fell to his knees.  Oh Spirit, do not hurt me.  I...I ..was attempting to train my pony.

Don't you ever ever ever hurt that animal again or I will turn you into the meekest of mice and you shall spend the rest of your days looking for horse droppings. Do you understand?

Yes. Yes.

Do you hear me?

Yes o Spirit. Yes.   With that the evil churl ran away from the stables and stayed away for two fortnights.  And he never hurt that pony again.

Meanwhile in the more human if not humane quarters of Castle Camelot...

We enter the Room of the Roundish Table where the King has convened a joint conference on two primary issues; the economy and realm security.  The primary players were there including Sir Rathbone, the new head of the Camelot Bureau of Investigation, Blaise the head of the Royal Treasury, Sir Bedivere, Chief of Staff and Grand Vizeer, The Archbishop of Canterbury, and all of the primary knights of the Kingdom.
King Arthur began:

Blaise, before we begin policy discussions concerning our economic prospects for the next fiscal year, you have prepared a report on our royal account, have you not?

Yes sire. We have a little over 2000 ounces of gold in our treasury. We have another 2000 ounces invested in markets over seas, primarily in France. Most of those investments in France are in our own French Provinces. We are receiving a fine return on investments and the local French governments are on the hook for supplying our military needs.

Right now, prior to the unveiling of your new economic plan, our expenses have drastically dropped for the first time since the Battle of Mt. Badon. This is primarily because of the decrease in theft by government workers.  Sir Kay has been replaced by Snerf....

At that there was a gasp among the knights.  Gareth called out: The peasants are revolting, the peasants are revolting.  Silence was called for by the King.

Well that is all fine and dandy Sir Gareth. And far be it from me to attempt to over rule the knighthood. But if you fellows are ready to pony up an extra thirty pieces of gold this year, we can bring back the blue bloods and go back to the old ways.  Sir Kay only brought us pork and waste.  Now we all love a good pork loin from time to time, but Snerf has worked out new contracts with the chicken growers and the shepherds and I have not heard any complaints concerning our recent feasts here at Camelot.

The knights looked at each other. And all looked right at Gareth, who responded: NEVER MIND. That was enough of honor. It costs too much for blue blood honor.

Good. Moving on our new program of preparing a new partnership with the Church has brought in a further sum of funds into the treasury which have cut taxes for all of us.

I doth protest Blaise and my King.  The Archbishop said as he stood to speak. El Papa is not happy with the new tax measures. Give unto Caesar what is Caesar's and unto God what is God's.

With that all of the knights and their King knelt and blessed themselves.

The King responded: Dear blessed Archbishop of mine, thank you for your input today.  I have personally corresponded with El Papa and we both understand that in this context I am Caesar and He represents the Lord our God on earth and therefore an income redistribution plan must be worked out by both of us.  The King then blessed himself.  And the Archbishop duly sat down and shut up.

Thank you for the update oh venerable Blaise. I would now like to address our stimulus package.

This is our ten point plan:

1. The moat shall be drained. The smells emanating from this ditch is not to be endured      any longer. The peasants shall be organized after planting has been completed and the public work on the moat shall begin forthwith.
2. Pork shall be limited as a feast food to three meals a fortnight.
3. Sir Rathbone shall audit the kitchen supplies once a week
4. Knights shall cease forthwith from throwing spittle and urine upon my Jewish advisors, my return on investment is just to high to justify this type of behavior.
5. Due to a recent upturn in collections at nunneries ALL KNIGHTS SHALL REFRAIN FROM WOOING THE SISTERS, FORTHWITH.
6. Sir Tristan is hereby nominated as head of our Entertainment Division.
7. Five hundred ounces of gold shall be paid to the cartwrights for two thousand new carts and Sir Gareth shall oversee the designs of said carts with Blaise and the Captain of the Guards.
8. New road crews shall be organized and all bridges across a twenty mile radius shall be repaired along with all road surfaces.
9. We shall initiate this day a new Greening of Camelot program and Merlin shall be appointed Secretary of the Interior to prepare a plan for same.
10. From this day forward, horses shall no longer be allowed in the main entry way.

Horsepucky yelled Gareth.  Gareth could tell he had once again spoke out of turn. He became increasingly fearful as the King scowled in his direction.

Arthur then began to laugh and then to roar with laughter and the entire room broke into laughter.

Meanwhile, Gawain and the Moor had just gathered their steeds and headed toward Hadrian's Wall along with one hundred guards to quell a disruption caused by the Picts.

As they crossed the moat and began heading south, Senor Eduardo spoke up.

Does the sun rise in the West oh brilliant blue bloods?

Who was that? Inquired Gawain.

Senor Eduardo, the sun rises in the East. Replied the Moor.

Well my blue blooded Moor, if Hadrian's wall is north, just south of the land of Scots and Picts, and the sun rises in the east, we are headed the wrong way once again.

What is he talking about. And since when does a horse talk? Asked Gawain.

Get used to it Sir Gawain unless you got a compass.  

With that the entire troop performed a U turn and headed north.

A short while into their journey, clearly invigorated by the recent turn in direction, Senor Eduardo began laughing.  

Oh no, here we go again. Said Sir Palidan.

Sir Gawain, I have an idea. Let us give our chief lieutenant, Near Sir Andrews a chance to receive his full sirdom. Let us send him ahead to the Wall with the troop and you and I shall head toward that Mt. St. Michael in Wales to investigate the new giant that reportedly is wreaking havoc upon the populace.

Gawain who really did not enjoy disciplined army duty unless it involved the heat of good battle and the conquest of new territory began to smile.  I am with you on that.

With that Gawain and Palidan lagged until Lieutenant Andrews caught up and they told him of their executive decision.  The lieutenant was elated with his new appointment.  Andrews was only informed that the two knights had an emergency that just arose on the Welsh border.

The two errant knights began east on their new quest. Most satisfied in their ability to shirk their military duties for a new quest and maybe even some encounters with the opposite sex on their way.

Does the sun set in the east oh wise masters? Inquired Senor Eduardo.

Oh Jesus Christ, said the Moor.

With that both knights crossed themselves and made yet another U turn toward the west.

With that Eduardo began to laugh and then broke into song:

What more can I say
Which cue to obey
When your lips say neigh neigh
Your hips say oui oui

La di da da - da di da da da da
La di da da - da di da da da da
La di da da - da di da da da da
Mon coeer fait boom
La di da da - da di da da da da
Mon coeer fait boom
Boom, boom, boom

Gawain looked at the Moor.  Do you mean to tell me that he sings too? And in French?

After awhile, you kind of get used to it. It grows on you. Kind of lightens the spirit as you face a new quest, a new day.