(National Geographic reports that Britain's Oldest Toy Found. The carved figurine--most likely of a hedgehog or a pig--was discovered during an excavation of a wooden fence near the prehistoric stone monument. The figurine is estimated to be over 2,000 years old. "Whether it's a hedgehog or a pig you can argue about, but I like the hedgehog idea myself," said the dig's co-leader, Joshua Pollard of the University of Bristol. The Bronze Age figurine was likely made as a toy or in memory of the baby being stillborn or dying in infancy, the archaeologist said.)


Lancelot was becoming more and more restless. Three days of prayer was about all he could take. I mean, we should not come to some conclusion that he was anything but the most penitent Christian.  But more than a couple days of pure Christianity can make anybody depressed. Not only was our hero antsy, but a little on the gamey side, also.

During their morning walk, Lancelot came upon a beautiful lake, a lake that held no memory for him. He removed his clothes and went into his newly found bath. He was sudsing up when he began laughing at the first rule he was taught of Knighthood. Do not drop the soap!!!    

Out of the bushes two hedgehogs, up to no good came out of the bushes. Clementine became startled and ran for the forest. The porcine  began giggling and stole the clothes laying by the lake and ran toward the trees for cover.  Lancelot, after breaking the first rule of knighthood, ran after the creatures.

Bring back my clothes, said Lancelot, forgetting for a moment he was screaming at lower mammals.  CLEMENTINE, GET OVER HERE.  Realizing that a loud voice might have a better chance with  a higher mammal.

Just then, a figure was to be seen walking across the magic lake. It was Joseph of Arimathea.

Joseph of Arimathea had been a secret apostle and a member of the town council in Jerusalem.  He was said to be rich and well known in the town. Following the crucifixion and sought the permission of Pontius Pilate to remove Christ's body from the cross, and care for it under Jewish Law. Jesus was to be buried in Joseph's tomb.             

In olden days, the figure Joseph climbing a ladder positioned on the Sacred Cross in order to receive the Body of Our Lord and Savior would be a sacred scene depicted in many paintings.

This holy man was said to have the Sacred Cup of Jesus Christ from the Last Supper (a memento that DaVinci had forgotten to include due his dotage on a young apprentice).  Joseph of Arimathea was said to have left the Holy Land with Mary Magdalene and arrived first in Brittany and then England.  Mary was said to be carrying Our Savior's Child at the time.

As he reached Glastenberry, it is said he took his staff and stuck it into the ground where it grew into a famous tree.

But this all occurred more than four hundred years prior to Lancelot's bath.

Well, first things first, our hero thought.  Might as well face the holy man first.

Hale, holy man.

Hale, Lancelot du Lac.

Dost thou know who I am?


You are Joseph of Arimathea, the holiest of men. But how are you incarnate four hundred years after your time?

Four hundred years?  Seems like just yesterday.  I have come to you as a vision for a purpose.

But how dost thou know of me. How dost thou know my name.

Well, First, visions seem to work like that, do you not thinkest?  Second, the angels have watched you your entire life, including Gabriel and Michael. Because you are the great, great, great, great, great, great grandson of Mary Magdeline. Did I count that right? The great, great, great, great, great grandson of Mary Magdaline. Yes, that is right, counting his fingers.

You are the seventh generation from Our Lord Jesus Christ. There are some others like Percival, who had some milk maid in the chain there, oh, and his name is so hard to spell.

I am here to give you your quest.  It was I who sent your horse away and had the hedgehogs take your clothes so that you would be as your maker made you.

You had given a good confession.  I apologize for Father Kevin, but he has lost his ear, so to speak, over these years and he gets carried away on this onanism stuff. But it was a good confession.

And you made your rosaries, as prescribed by the good father.  We think you might have missed one or two Hail Marys and one Our Father, but who is counting.

And you have taken the Eucharist recently.

And you finally had that bath. Next time though, remember not to break the first rule of Knighthood. Hahahahah.

So as you stand as your Creator made you, I give you this quest.

There is a curio that must be found. It was the container that Our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, used to wash the feet of the uh uh poor bum in street.  It will bring a cure to the general malaise in the land and in the Dow of late.

I therefore send you on the QUEST FOR THE HOLY PAIL.

With that the vision evaporated like the fog in a marsh. And Clementine returned. And the hedgehogs returned with our hero's clothes.

MEANWHILE BACK AT CAMELOT

Sir Sundance had finished his last stint as head of the manure detail.  Due to the King's new Ten Point Plan, there were now monies available to hire on new help.  A peasant by the name of w was now officially in charge of the horse manure till the end of times. As they say.

Sir Sundance was called into the throne room by the King to be sent on a Quest.

Sir Sundance, you look good today and smell much better I must say.

Yes Sire, I feel better. But how can I best serve my King?

Sir Sundance, in a dream I was told that Lancelot, who has been lost for many days, has been sent on a new quest. The Quest for the Holy Pail.

Your quest Sir Sundance is to find Sir Lancelot. It shall be known as the Quest for the Knight seeking the Holy Pail.  What do you think?

I have always been in awe of Sir Lancelot and I would be honored to make this Quest for King and Realm.

Very good.  Oh and if you wish, you may take that Snerf fellow with you.  He smells funny but I like his monkey.

Sir Sundance bowed and left the throne room shaking his head.  Sire has not been just right since that Boar Tusk incident.  I am Snerf!!!  Oh well, I shall take Macaca with me however.    

Sundance prepared for his journey and called for Macaca who had been throwing excrement at the peasants working on the moat.  And wash your bloody hands first, our hero ordered.

Back at the magic lake.  Lancelot proceeded with Clementine and the hedgehogs proceeding close behind.  He came upon a sign on the road. Not really an ethereal sign like before, but a sign that said:

    Proceed straight ahead for the Pail.

Oh, I was worried this could take a twelfthmonth and here is the sign I have been looking for.

The four mammals proceeded five miles or so and:

They came to a picture-perfect a castle.  With lovely turrets.  And flags flying from them.  The castle has a wall and a moat around it.  And there's nice bridge over the moat.  Beyond the moat there is a lovely lawn.  And all over the lawn little tents are set up.

Boy, TheraP has that right, noted Lancelot.

Who is TheraP? Fred the Hedgehog asked.

Do not know, but she sure has a lot of followers, responded Hilda.

Lancelot proceeded right to the point in front of the gate from the moat.

What business doth the knight have here, called one of the guards in the turret.

I have come in the Quest for the Holy Pail.

The Holy What?

The Holy Pail.

What are you doing here then?

There was a sign saying that the Holy Pail was here.

Holy Pail?  No, no, no. The road crew was supposed to fix that sign and repaint it.  Rail. This is the castle of the rail.

What's a rail?

It is what you are going to find up your stupid arse, if you do not cease and desist from this silly quest at this castle.

Oh never mind, called Lancelot and proceeded West.  I knew this was looking too easy.

The hedgehogs giggled.