Richard Day's picture

    Arthur of the Roundish Table: The Virgin

    We find ourselves again in the plains of central England. Sir Cheney and Sir Boner have headed out to find out exactly what had happened to Sir Quinn and Sir Palidan.  Paladin and Quinn had proceeded toward the Wall, and nothing appeared to come of it.  Where were the two knights?

     

    http://tpmcafe.talkingpointsmemo.com/talk/blogs/dikkday48yahoocom/2009/05/10-week/

     

    Sir Cheney had been implicated, as it were, in some sort of government conspiracy, but as usual, he escaped the noose and he watched others get treed and such.  I had prevailed upon Arthur to do the right thing, but he refused. So what is a mother to do?

     

    Sir Boner just kind of followed Sir Cheney wherever he went and it did no good to challenge him anyway. So off he went, seeking Windmills even though it never worked for Quixotic.

     

    Sir Macconnell was going to follow but he lost his way and was made a teller at a local bank.

     

    The duo had continued toward their goal all day and the sun was setting so that Sir Boner decided to caution that it might be best to bivouac at the current location. There was a Roman Hearth at their current location, and it was time to dismount.

     

    Sir Cheney, who did not like to agree with anybody, anytime, suddenly agreed since his bowels were running thin, so to speak, and the two dismounted. 

     

    Sir Cheney scowled as always with that weird slanted grin of his. I mean most people grin, but Cheney always scowled. It bothered Boner, but what is a stupid motherf.......er to do?  I mean, everybody has to follow somebody--as Dylan says--and why not the scowler?  WHERE IS MY FOOD, demanded the scowler.

     

    Okay, okay, I shall seek some fowl or other smaller animal, replied Boner. Sir Boner proceeded to the edge of the wood nearby and discovered some wild geese. I mean it was not like there were domesticated geese. But I have to describe the fowl some way or manner do I not?

     

    Cheney looked to the north and saw a light. It was a glimmer reflected from the setting sun upon a helmet. What the hell is that? He thought.

     

    I challenge you to a joust old man!! Called the knight.

     

    Who in the f...k are you anyway? Nobody calls me out on anything. Cheney challenged.

     

    The knight approached as Sir Cheney sneered. I shall hack you down like the rat you are right now. I give you the opportunity to mount your steed and meet your maker like a man....

     

    I have escaped all attempts to make me an enlistee and this is the thanks I get for keeping our island safe from barbarians. And now I am to suffer infidels like this. Cheney mounted his steed with spear in hand. He was filled with fear and the crapola that had plagued him since birth since he was born of cowards.

     

    The two knights sighted each other from fifty yards and came toward one another in a clash of steel.

     

    Cheney was dismounted and on the ground, face down and without breath.

     

    Sir Boner heard the call so to speak. There had been a clash, a mesh of steel. He knew immediately that something had happened.  He moved stealthily from the wood. And he saw the knight in shining armor sitting on his steed looking down at one of the most despicable human beings he had ever known.

     

    Methinks I may stay inside the woods tonight, thought Boner.

     

    Paladin and Quinn, meanwhile, after their epiphany, proceeded toward the Wall. They proceeded with a new vision; a new concept with regard to blood and guts and the smell of battle.

     

    For some reason they stopped, half a league from the wall and decided to bivouac. Paladin welcomed the rest in order to contemplate his new aims in life.  Quinn was filled with fear and awe with regard to his epiphany. A star in the east, he thought.

     

    We must not seek the blood of enemies but we must request that emissaries be present. Methinks that there are other ways in which to pursue our goals, our final aims in this life, Paladin. We need a secure wall. But we do not need to shed so much blood as before, said Quinn.

     

    Yes Quinn, I see that now. I had a vision of Lancelot. But it had been a vision of my own for some time. I just was able to seeeeeeee it. Just once. As it was. As it should be Quinn.  We shall begin a new way, so to speak. We shall seek to incorporate the real message of Jesu Christe (blesses himself) as best we can. I mean, the 'enemy' wishes that we not traverse their kingdom. And we have built the wall to keep them out of our kingdom. I mean, where is the animus, so to speak?  There must be a way that 'they' can stay behind the wall and we can keep our kingdom.

     

    As they sat around the fire cooking their fowl and enjoying their company a call came out from the south.

     

    I see that you do not greet the night with dignity. You have sought to disgrace this land with all that Jesu Christe abhorred!!!

     

    What? cried Quinn.

     

    What? cried the Moor.

     

    No reflection from the sun could be seen of course, since it was night. You know there are few truisms in life. But when the sun sets, there are fewer reflections. Especially in saloons.

     

    Yet the new knight, the new visitor appeared to glow and the two knights sat at their feast with wonder and awe.

     

    Palidan, the Moor, rose to the occasion and mounted his steed, much to the chagrin of Quinn. Why, would my companion after just avowing his need for peace, mount his steed to do battle in this manner? He thought.

     

    Palidan and the New Knight clashed. Crashed. Their spears hitting each other with determination.

    Both of the warriors fell from their horses in dismay.

     

    The two recovered enough to draw swords. 

     

    Why, why are we doing this?  For what reason shall we seek to kill each other? Cried Palidan.

     

    All righty then, cried the other knight.

     

    I have heard that you are from the evil army of cheney whom I have just vanquished. You who were seeking to disavow the words of our own Jesu Christe, (blesses himself).

     

    Oh no, we do not seek such things at all fair knight. Join us and we shall split what fowl and herbs we have left.

     

    The knight layed down the sword and so did Palidan.

     

    And they embraced.  And they kept embracing.

     

    And Quinn became worried about the embracing. I mean, it kept on, and on and on and on....

     

    And yet the two approached Quinn with great joy. And the three of them began to discuss issues and such.

     

    Palidan requested:  We must all have our helmets off.

     

    The third knight responded: All right, one, two, three....

     

    And all removed their masks.

     

    The third knight was shown to be of a feminine manner so to speak and the dynamic duo were amazed and awed.

     

    You are a woman. I mean. You are a woman. What art thou doing in the sphere of man's war?

     

    I am Flower d'Arc. From France and else wheres being here only because I was given the message of the Lord, Our Lord and Savior. (Blesses herself)

     

    Flower d'Arc. Why doth not thou capitalize the 'd'?

     

    Well, I am not really in charge of scrivening but what is a virgin to do?

     

    Are you then a mother of more knights? Answered Palidan.

     

    No, I am a virgin. I have never foaled a child.

     

    All righty then, would you like to try?  Asked Quinn.

     

    Do not be discourteous to the virgin Q. What the hell is the matter with you anyway? The Moor interjected.

     

    I was just asking. Answered Quinn.

     

    Okay, okay. Let us feast together and tomorrow is another day.

     

    And so the trio simply discussed points in common and no one lied about all the sexual activity they had had recently, and truth was found.

     

    The three knights awoke to a new dawn. They were all in agreement that Jesu Christe needed no new blood on the ground nor more dead in battle.

     

    Ev'rybody's talkin' 'bout
    Bagism, Shagism, Dragism, Madism, Ragism, Tagism
    This-ism, that-ism, ism ism ism
    All we are saying is give peace a chance
    All we are saying is give peace a chance

    (C'mon)
    Ev'rybody's talkin' 'bout
    Minister, Sinister, Banisters and Canisters,
    Bishops, Fishops, Rabbis, and Pop Eyes, Bye bye, Bye byes
    All we are saying is give peace a chance
    All we are saying is give peace a chance

    (Let me tell you now)
    Ev'rybody's talkin' 'bout
    Revolution, Evolution, Masturbation, Flagellation, Regulation,
    Integrations, mediations, United Nations, congratulations
    All we are saying is give peace a chance
    All we are saying is give peace a chance

    Ev'rybody's talkin' 'bout
    John and Yoko, Timmy Leary, Rosemary,
    Tommy Smothers, Bobby Dylan, Tommy Cooper,
    Derek Taylor, Norman Mailer, Alan Ginsberg, Hare Krishna
    Hare Hare Krishna
    All we are saying is give peace a chance
    All we are saying is give peace a chance*

     

     

    *John Lennon

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