Tiger Woods is learning that, in the immortal words of Neil Sedaka, breaking up is hard to do. The New York Post reports that a lonely Tiger has isolated himself from friends. Not even buddy and former NBA star Charles Barkley has been able to get in touch with him. "I've been trying to get to him and can't, it's very frustrating," Barkley said, adding, "Hey man, we love you. If you need anything, pick up the phone." The golf star reportedly spends his days eating cereal and watching cartoons, and his nights hitting golf balls, leading to concern among his friends "that he is dealing with the situation in a very unhealthy way," according to an unnamed source. Woods has reason to worry. His wife, Elin Nordegren, is intent on divorce and has reportedly consulted top Hollywood divorce lawyer Sorrell Trope. British bookmaker William Hill is already taking bets on how much of Woods' $1 billion fortune Nordegren will get, offering 25-1 odds that she'll receive more than $500 million in the divorce settlement, 6-4 odds for less than $100 million, and 1-2 odds for between $100 million and $500 million.

Personally, I would like to see every billionaire eat cereal and watch cartoons for some extended period of time. Might do them some good.

But that is not the subject of this award winning post. Nosirree bob, or james or whatever. I am more enchanted by the oddsmakers and the gambling that makes Amerika what it is today.  So I just thought that I might like to see some odds with regards to other possible contingencies upon our national horizon.

1.               What are the odds that Cheney will get his wish and we will have a god's honest terrorist attack within this country (the lower 48 of course, since no one would realize that there was an attack on our frontier in Alaska for a least a year following the attack. Oh and Hawaii. Are you kidding? Who the hell would ever attack Hawaii?) Now I do not mean some fire cracker in a post office somewhere in Wyoming. I mean the fun kind where at least five thousand are dead and the world is once again aghast. Would this event not warm the cockles of dear Cheney's mechanical heart? I mean the man would positively piss his pants. Of course he pisses his pants every time he looks in the mirror anyway. But, hell his daughter would piss his pants. (I heard rumors that LizC likes to sit on daddy's lap while he tells her stories)

One hundred to one are the odds here folks. Place your bets, praise the lord and pass the ammunition. (The house takes a three per cent cut)

2.               What are the odds that Cheney will every apologize for anything material that happened during  the George W. Bush Administration?  One thousand to one against.                                          

3.               What are the odds that South Carolina or Texas will finally secede from the union, once and for all? Well, the two states would receive hundreds of billions of dollars in defense monies either in the form of grants to defense contractors or through the business created just by the defense installations in their own state. So I offer everyone a hundred to one odds that the states will both secede within the next ten years. (The house takes its normal three percent)

4.               What are the odds that either Ensign or Vitter will be caught in bed with an underage girl (or boy for that matter) within the next three years?  I can only give you fifty-fifty on that that on I am afraid.

5.               What are the odds that Laura Bush files for divorce George W. once she discovers that w masturbates regularly in his socks--Christmas socks to be exact? Three to one odds against, I am afraid.  I mean this is why Laura always gives w new Christmas socks every year.

6.               What are the odds that the pin stripes on Wall Street will cut their bonuses for fiscal year 2010?  One hundred to one against that folks.

7.               What are the odds that Mitch McConnell and John Boehner will work together in the next three years and offer legislation in both houses to erase hunger in the United States?  Fifty thousand to one against.

8.               What are the odds that the Rapture will actually occur in 2012, leaving 144,000 white Christians on the Earth to rue the chance to fight evil for eternity? 20,000 to one against.

9.               What are the odds that some repub mad scientists will raise Reagan from the dead to fight against truth, justice and the American Way as he did three decades ago? 10.000 to one against.http://www.babelgum.com/4012651/zombie-reagan-raised-from-grave-lead-gop...

10.            Finally, what are the odds that Fox News will hire Bill Maher and give him his own one hour show? Ten to one against. I mean they already have three comedians by the names of Sean Hannity, Glenn Beck and Bill O'Reilly.