Orion's picture

    "The Innovation of Loneliness"

    I thought this video would be very interesting for people here.

    This site is one of the more intimate ones I have ever been involved in - the feedback from this website has been way more intense and personal than anything that I ever did at San Francisco Examiner, Heritage or Elephant Journal. Way more intense. I feel like I have gotten to know especially Michael Maiello, artappraiser and PeraclesPlease really well (though the last one had to bear the brunt of some of my anger on the guns issue).

    I'm not sure that this level of intimacy could have happened in real life - I think most people tune in or even get a little frightened if political arguments get as heated in the real world as they do here.

    The question has to be asked about how much of that intimacy is happening in the real world. Is it easier to disconnect in the internet world? These questions have been asked alot since back in the 1990s - they are just even more potent now thanks to the advent of Facebook and social networking.

    Comments

    I finally watched this video. It does not describe anything I am familiar with except for the part about humans having a capability of maintaining a circle of close relationships of about 150.

    I like to participate in forums like this one as an alternative to dealing with friends family and business associates for intellectual interaction with others about things I am interested in, things which friends, family and business associates are not so interested in. This keeps my meatspace interactions healthier, I believe.

    I have little interest in talking about myself or promoting myself on the internet. I want to maintain a lof of privacy in the internet space. I hate Facebook and other social networks, it seems to be making socialization into more work and stress than it already is. The internet social network thing is also forcing people to reveal to each other things which in the past they might not, like politics and religion--not to mention secret relationships and social history--which "mom" always rightly warned to keep away from "the dinner table" in order to keep a civil society.

    I don't suffer much from loneliness, never have. Grew up in a very cramped apartment in an ill-kept lower class rental neighborhood with many younger brothers and no privacy of any kind. Other families there were more cramped than mine. And also with no place to entertain friends without embarrassment, always had to hide my home and visit theirs instead. I grew up very jealous of others who had privacy. I also was naturally very shy as a kid but learned to overcome that. Still, dealing with social networks is stressful work and leaves me exhausted. And interacting with the ideas, thoughts and analysis of others with similar interests on the internet is both relaxing and invigorating. And also a great way to procrastinate dealing with real life! (It is not just forums like this one, but also others, like on gardening, for example.)

    When other people on the internet try to take that scenario and create substitute friends and family and community, when they try to get too personal, is when I leave. I also often find that very unhealthy, because these are not real true meatspace relationships and you do not really know these people like in a real social network.  I already have plenty of friends, family and a social network that are more than I can deal with, with problems and delights and needing emotional attention. I am not looking for more on the internet, I am actually looking to get a break from that. I.E., if you see me posting a lot here, you can be pretty sure I am avoiding answering email from friends, family or business associates that is stressful., and looking for intellectual stimulation which is relaxing.

    Another thing.I think those who characterize big urban areas like NYC as lonely and alienating have it very wrong. They are either visitors or recent transplants who have not adjusted to the paradigm yet or people who would be similarly troubled anywhere. It's places like suburbia that are lonely and alienating and require people to find replacements for interaction in virtual spaces like Facebook. I only have to step out my door to get lots of human interaction in NYC, more than I can handle if I turn on my friendly and open Midwestern girl shtick (not really the nuanced truth about the Midwest.) Places that are organized like NY into big webs of neighborhoods with little reliance on cars to get about force you to interact with others, for good or ill. The famous NYC rudeness is not real rudeness but all of us giving signals to each other about whether we need some personal space right now or not. I see the differences clearly when I visit my hometown of Milwaukee. It is organized into social cliques, not neighborhoods, which are very hard to break into. Expats like me have to realize we have to slow down, even walk slower, so as not to appear rude, and cannot feel free to interact with anyone in public, even your close neighbors, because no one is giving clear signals about that.


    You damn near wrote an article!

    I have little interest in talking about myself or promoting myself on the internet. I want to maintain a lof of privacy in the internet space. I hate Facebook and other social networks, it seems to be making socialization into more work and stress than it already is. The internet social network thing is also forcing people to reveal to each other things which in the past they might not, like politics and religion--not to mention secret relationships and social history--which "mom" always rightly warned to keep away from "the dinner table" in order to keep a civil society.

    I didn't have an experience like that until adulthood, when I lived among a huge group in the Pacific Islands. It was very different - for the first time, I was really exposed to what other people thought of me, how I behaved and how I interacted.

    I grew up an outsider - I was the only man among three women and all their friends. I didn't know my dad. I got put in front of psychiatrists before I even had the opportunity to do anything that would warrant being put in front of a psychiatrist. All that was compounded by the fact Seattle and most people in the area are very myopic - it's not unusual for people on the bus to just sit, not talking to one another at all. I have had to train myself to listen to and take in other people points of view as I wasn't really socialized the way people normally are.

    For whatever reason, I always attracted to the internet since the late 90s. I'm not sure why - I have been told I write better than I talk, maybe also it is being able to connect directly with people who share your interests. I am really not sure.

    My internet presence is mostly around self-promotion. This site more than any has helped me land writing and editing gigs.


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