Maiello: Defeat the Press
Miami Fans Mistakenly Chant "Let's Go Eat" During Playoff Game
Following an announcement by the Romney campaign that universal healthcare was available somewhere back East, Interstate routes 80, 70 and 40 were clogged with old cars, pickup trucks and U-Hauls in what looked to be the largest mass migration since the 1930's.
Google map servers crashed as millions searched for information about Massachusetts. In the confusion Wikipedia opened a page on a state called Massatuusetts, and wily contributors had a field day misdirecting folks to out West somewhere---"it's between California and Nevada", people were yelling out to others in the McDonalds drive-thru lanes.
Joe "Stubby" Stutt from Kansas had a few of his personal belongings and his four red bone hounds in the back of his 250 Ford dually. He was interviewed by a young reporter on Rt. 44 near Springfield, Missouri where he had stopped to relieve himself and pee his dogs. "Hell, I don't know where Massatuusetts is, but the drought killed my corn crop, the wife run off with her boss, and there must be some good huntin' somewhere back there. When I get to Massatuusetts, wherever that is, I'll work at Home Depot and live out of my truck. At least I know if I get cancer I won't die because I can't get no treatment."
Lisa Scruggs from Indiana was panhandling outside a Denny's in Erie, Pennsylvania. Her three kids were stuffed into a Ford Focus and her credit card wasn't working. "I left my husband Aaron back in Indianapolis", she said, "cause he's an ironworker and just got called back on a highway job. The Republicans finally got the jobs bill passed despite Obama trying to kill it. But my girl Ginny is ADD and Buddy has terrible bad asthma, so we need to get some healthcare. Aaron wants to make sure he can vote for Romney who's going to straighten out that damned Obamacare. When Indiana gets the same plan as Massatuusetts, me and the kids can go back."
A kindly gentleman gave Lisa a $20 bill and suggested that she go back home in the hopes that Indiana might implement a state healthcare exchange. When Lisa saw the Obama magnet-sign on his door, she threw the $20 back in his face. "Obama's ruined this country, I'd rather starve than take money from someone like you", she said.
Officials from Massachusetts and the Midwestern states were alarmed. The highway patrol in Massachusetts had no idea how to handle the influx of healthcare seekers which was expected to swamp the state---visions of California being flooded with Okies came to mind. They decided to close the Mass Pike at the Rt. 91 exit and force people to head south back to Connecticut and New York or north to Vermont. Officials in Vermont were thanking their angels for not yet having implemented a state healthcare exchange. Mayor Bloomberg said he wasn't worried. "They won't last a week on New York streets, I'll see to that.", he said.
But the problem for Midwestern Red states was that the sudden exodus of so many base voters from the Republican party threatened Romney's chances of winning the election. It seemed that Democrats had sniffed out the possibility of universal healthcare in their own states, had weighed the odds, and were staying put. Romney's campaign experts were wringing their hands. "We've got to find a way to keep these folks from moving out before the election. Is there a way Mitt can imply that if he wins, he'll implement healthcare exchanges in places like Indiana and Kansas?"