And now Mornin' Joke with Jughead and Mika and Pat Buchanan and the gay guy who brings you the news that does not really matter in a courteous and conservative way and always agrees with Pat and Jughead even though his boyfriend does not like that...but that is another story.

Hello America, Jughead here and right after Mika reads the teleprompter telling you about all the socialistic legislation coming from the White House to the both Houses of Congress and then, I assume back again; well have we got a show for you.

Senator Imhofe from that great state of Oklahoma is going to be here and tell us how this global warming crap is just a bunch of , well ,crap.  Hahahahahahahahahahahaha. The group likes to laugh and giggle together.

Now you know there might be two sides to this issue Jug (Mika always gives him the sobriquet of Jug) and we must....

Oh, ha ha ha, Mika, there you go with that liberal stuff again.. Hahahhaa, Pat what are we going to do with her.

Andyway, we are also going to talk to Senator Imhofe about how best to secede from the Union. And he is going to elucidate why even legal Mexican immigrants will work for less than the socialist minimum wage.

Later we will hear from George Bush the twenty fifth about his plans to throw watermelons on the White House lawn.

Mika

I thought for a mimute you wasn't wantin the news this mornin; hahahhaha

Oh Mika, hahahahhahahah

The White House just announced another four trillion dollar budget that will primarily be used to hand out money to banks and other lending institutions and pay for all the mortgage foreclosures.

Boy you got that right. It costs a lot of money to kick those people out of their homes. And you know Pat, it is all their fault.

And who is that Jug, I did not quite hear that.

Pat have you got that hearing aid on. Here let me see. You put the damn bottle cap in your ear again.  Here I got it.  No stay there.  Puts hearing aid back in Pat's ear.

Go ahead Mika.

Mika squishes her face again and tilts her head. Did you ever notice that one dimple is bigger than the other and that they do not quite jibe?

Well I just thought you two BOYS were trying once again to prevent me from doing my job here.

Yesterday the mayor of Dumsville had sent out an email with the picture of the White House Law covered in watermelons with an caption saying that the annual Easter Egg Hunt has been cancelled. When the mayor was confronted with the prank he denied that there was any racial intent, I mean what is racist about watermelons?  Mika squishes her face and tilts it again while viewers all over the country spit out their coffee

Hey Pat what do you think about watermelons on the White House Lawn? Do you think that picture is racist?

Well Jug, comparing a little fun Easter card with what Reverend Wright said about the GD America, I would say that this misstep is well down the rung of abuses against this nation. A little fun and oh we have all the Black preachers out there calling for the lynching of mayors tryin to have a little fun.

Yeah Pat. I just do not get it at all. Don't get me wrong. Slavery was a terrible thing, but I went to school after the desegregation cases and I can tell you that I never saw any racism in my schools in South Carolina. And I want to tell you that by the time Newt and I got the majority in Congress by telling the American People the truth, the racist issue had totally switched to the point where a black man could get a job anywhere he wished and some white people, white people Pat started wearing black face just to get jobs and then we went ahead and got rid of those cadillacs being driven by Welfare Queens, and I am not talking about gay prostitution here Pat, and then Newt and I saved America.

That was quite a story there Jug and I remember it well because we had to do the same thing during the Reagan Administration when our great leader talked about those welfare Queens driving their cadillacs while we subsidized them with taxpayer's money and while working men in this country were hitchhiking, hitchhiking Jug trying to get a ride to work and those Welfare Queens would not even pick them up so they could go to work.  We changed all that Jug.

Well boys, can I finish the news now? Squishing her face and tilting it showing her dimples andsighing for three straight minutes while the scroll at the bottom of the screen was showing that North Korea had just dropped the big one on Seoul.

Oh sorry Mika, hahahaha, we want to get our news, we are waiting to get our news, we are wishing to get our news.

All right Boys.  Today Representative John Boner...

Now Mika, I told you that it is spelt Boner but pronounced throat warbler manglode...

Well , anyway the Minority Leader...

See how things have changed Jug, I mean Minority Leader used to mean Reverend Jackson sniveling about disparity in the greatest country in the world...

Let me try it this way, last night the republican leader in the House of Representatives stated that soon there will be no money in the country at all and that people will be stuck trading goods like it was during the Revolutionary War. People are going to have to grow tomatoes on their driveways and you know how touch that can be Pat...wait a minute. Now you have me doing it...........

And now its time for a commercial break.

America, we had Viagra introduced to you by presidential candidates, well now we have Viagra Extends. Your soft place, and most people watching this show at this time of the morning have soft places, becomes so big and so powerful that you will not be able to go to airports within a week of taking a dose of this brand new medical miracle....

Now we are back with Senator Imhofe from that great state of Oklahoma.  Tell me Senator, did you like the musical?  Mika was smiling and so proud that she could ask this powerful man a question without interruption because Pat was still in the bathroom fixing his depends and Joe was across the street purchasing a quart of Starbucks coffee with whipping cream and chocolate chips, his favorite.

Uh no, I have never seen that musical.  Said Imhofe dourly, although he always says things dourly.

Hmmmmm, responded Mika who loves to say hmmmmmmmm just before taking some more medication. Tell us Senator, what about global warming.

Global warming is the single biggest fraud being perpetrated on the American people since the Civil War which should not have been fought in the first place.  Smog, we do not have smog in Oklahoma because of all that wind being generated in Warshington, DC....hahahahahahahahaha

Pat comes back to sit down after his adjustments.  Hello Senator.

Why hello Pat. Responded the Senator. We were just talking about the fraud being perpetrated on the American People by those prophets of doom claiming that we are all going to be toast in ten years and all the Polar Bears will have to rent refrigeration sections at your local 7-11.

Hahahahahaha. You know who is making all these fraudulent claims?  Rich elite Democrats who go to ivy league schools and attempt to purchase green businesses.....

Jughead returns.  Good morning Senator. Tell me what do you think about this new 4 trillion dollar package and what do those good people in Oklahoma think?

Well Jughead, it is socialism plain and simple and now we have a communist president who was not even born here and I...

Well, to be fair Senator, and we are always fair here, I was really taken by President Obama and that tremendous speech he gave in Illinois and I thought, here is a man who can encapsulate what America is all about.  But he promised all this time that he was going to extend his hand across the aisle so that republicans would have a say as to what this legislation was going to say. And this is a right of center country, and I should know because I played right tackle on the high school football team so I know what right of center means....hahahahahahahaha

hahahahahahahah said everybody.

But then in 1994 Newt and I were elected as a new team, with a new idea, to save America.......

This is a special announcement from our programming supervisor.  I am so sick to my stomach that we are going to cut to I Love Lucy, in progress when Lucy and Ethel are squishing grapes with their feet.....