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    NEWT THE STAND-UP COMEDIAN!

    By Richard Day on Thu, 05/19/2011 - 10:40pm |

    I promised Q to follow up with a reading of the 1866 statute that is now being used to prosecute/attack/bring to justice the five pigs who destroyed our economy along with the help of hundreds of other pigs who destroy our economy every goddamn day.

    But I happened to hit the Back Door comic studio where The Newt was headlining.

    And with the help of Stardust I just could not resist.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h3mrLi-1m4g

    THE NEWT. 

    It is so good to be here. I gotta tellya one of the wives was going to keep me here and I said:

    HEY I AM A FREE MAN!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K1GjyrQiSRs

     

    (Laughter from audience)

    Did ya here about this Ryan abortion?

    Hey, talk about Obamacare, I mean this Ryan will rape you and will never let you get a free rape kit or even seek an abortion!

    Ha!

    (Laughter)

    But I do not mean that in a bad way!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h3mrLi-1m4g

    I mean Ryan would cook your grandparents and make them into Soylent Green Crispies for Chrissakes!

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Soylent_green

    (laughter) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Acr5TriuQMw&feature=fvw 

    But let me tell ya.....

    Us repubs are the only thing you guys have to protect you from the menace of the Muslim Brotherhood or the menace of Kenyan Communism.

    http://www.outsidethebeltway.com/newt-gingrich-obama-may-follow-a-kenyan-worldview/

    (Great laughter from audience.) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WDIi0dzmvpE

     

    I mean I used to be for universal health care! http://www.thenewamerican.com/usnews/health-care/7528-faux-conservative-newt-gingrich-defends-obamacare-mandate

    But times change and so do the votes from these ignominius voters!

    (great laughter from audience)

    But then again, I used to be for universal Morman marriage. Ha http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J7L-wxm5frM

    (great laughter from audience)

    But I wanna tell ya.....

    I used to be the most important single person in America....Except when it came to Air Force One http://community.seattletimes.nwsource.com/archive/?date=19951116&slug=2152925

    Well fuck the plane, I as Speaker of the House was the single most important person on this planet in the 90's. And don't yall forget that

    (greater and greater laughter in the audience)

    I went to school for over two decades and received more degrees than a standard thermometer-- and twenty years of schoolin and they are supposed to  put you on the day shift. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AavGb57oWN0&feature=fvst

    The man in the coon-skin cap wanted too much damn money. Fuck you, shoot your own coon you asshole!!!

    Life is not all glitter  for me you know! 

    (Audience greater greater laughter)

    IN CASE ANYONE HAS NOT NOTICED THIS WE HAVE A NEGRO IN THE WHITE HOUSE!

    Well I spoke to Rush and he told me:

    http://www.snopes.com/politics/quotes/limbaugh.asp

    I mean take that bone out of your nose before you respond to me!

    (more audience laughter)

    Well I wanna tell you that Obama is the greatest threat to Democracy ever seen in our times; Obama is a greater threat than Osama; Obama is Osama with a nice suit on.http://justoneminute.typepad.com/main/2010/09/newt-gingrich-on-obamas-kenyan-anti-colional-worldview.html

    But I have found the one and only true God with all of my degrees and I have asked Him to lead me to the true course!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DrBLqp-s__o&playnext=1&list=PL06AA6836B9D02161

    And God and I had a talk.

    (Biggest laughter yet from the audience)

    And God told me that obama was a Socialist secular Muslim....http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0311/51956.html

    (Biggest laughter since the last biggest laughter)

    Homosexuals will govern us all in a secular Muslim empire that will stretch across our contient bringing us nothing but death!

    There once was a time when we were free to be you and me!

    http://www.slaverysite.com/images/images2.htm

    Just as long as you were a lot like me! Ha

    (Greatest laughter of all from audience)

    Ron Paul and Curly Rand Paul both understand that Jim Crow did right by us!

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:JimCrowInDurhamNC.jpg

    And this extreme secular muslim anti American stream finally got going...we we were headed for communisms. Ha

    (You betchya said the audience, clapping and fucking each other in a pure orgy of ecstacy)

    BUT I DON'T MEAN THIS IN A BAD WAY!

    Comments

    Very, very VERY good.


    by Peter Schwartz on Fri, 05/20/2011 - 8:37am

    Well thank you Peter!

    Nice way to start a Friday.


    by Richard Day on Fri, 05/20/2011 - 8:41am

    I was going to add this must have taken you a long time to put together. But what I mean is it would have taken ME a long time to put together-:) Good work.


    by Peter Schwartz on Fri, 05/20/2011 - 9:47am

    Dickon is a National Treasure, and would have even recognized that other, er, tintin.

    I have to get some of those old books.


    by bwakfat on Sat, 05/21/2011 - 7:43pm

    Newt: "Hey, but seriously folks, when I said all that stuff about 'social engineering', I was talking about Joe Biden's parties on Amtrak ... (ba-rump-bump)  And I don't want to say anything negative about Paul Ryan, but if he wants to talk about budget problems, he oughta to see my alimony payments ...  I've got an ex-wife that's so mean, she makes John Kyl look like Dennis Kucinich. I mean, come on, take my ex-wives ... please!  But seriously, folks, I'm here till Tuesday. Try the veal..." 


    by MrSmith1 on Fri, 05/20/2011 - 9:46am

    hahahhahah

    ba-rump-bump! ha


    by Richard Day on Fri, 05/20/2011 - 10:52am

    LOL!  I guess this answwers the burning question, "What did you do on your Spring Vacation, Dick?"  (Sorry I didn't have time to follow all the links, but the gist is clear.)   ;o)

    Didn't know Ricki Lee covered 'Homesick Blues'; man, that was great, and the mix-up or mash-up was fantastic!  And I swear she said, "Watch those fucking meters"!  (Some cities have gone to card-swipe meters, I kid you not, by the by.)

    I will confess that a year ago I was predicting that Newtie would be the nominee; but that was also before he decided to attend the Mad Hatter's Tea Parties as an honored guest so often.  Now he no longer sounds like an Intelligent Crank, just a Mad Hatter Crank.

                                         


    by we are stardust on Fri, 05/20/2011 - 11:35am

    If you mean parking meters that take credit/debit cards, one is right outside my office door.


    by Donal on Fri, 05/20/2011 - 12:02pm

    I thought you had to pay for every swipe for cryin out loud.

    Banks probably net more on those contraptions than the municipalities that install them.


    by Richard Day on Fri, 05/20/2011 - 1:08pm

    Too many links, did not expect the folks to read this let alone hit em all!

    But at least when I do put in all the links, if someone questions what I am doing or says--this guy never did this; i got the link!

    You picked the right one though. I was surprised by this version of Dylan!


    by Richard Day on Fri, 05/20/2011 - 1:06pm

    Oh oh OHHHHHHH!


    by bwakfat on Sat, 05/21/2011 - 7:41pm

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