Creative corner

    William K. Wolfrum's picture

    Penis in Weiner pic to get Reality Show with Donald Trump

    Hey, you heard it here first at the site that specializes in the hottest entertainment news! It seems The Penis in the Anthony Weiner Penis Pic Controversy has accepted a spot on a new reality show with Donald Trump!

    William K. Wolfrum's picture

    Moammar Gadhafi announces run for GOP Presidential Nomination

    LIBYA – Speaking from an underground bunker somewhere near Tripoli, Libyan leader Moammar Gadhafi announced his run for U.S. President.

    “I mean, there’s a lot going on right now,” said Gadhafi, who is simultaneously being attacked by Libyan rebels and NATO forces. “But the field just seems so, you know, empty.”

    Gadhafi’s bid received an endorsement from conservative leader Bill Kristol, who said he was “dazzled” by the dictator’s humor and conservative ideals on a recent Conservative cruise for politicians and donors.

    Ramona's picture

    FRIDAY FOLLIES: On Oprah, Elizabeth Warren, Hitler's Dogs, and Assorted Boobs

     After months of building up to this, on Wednesday Oprah Winfrey said goodbye to her still-huge audience and ended her daytime show.

    William K. Wolfrum's picture

    Dead Elf challenges entire GOP presidential field to debate on Constitution

    MINNESOTA – A wayward elf that froze to death in the snow last December has challenged the entire GOP Presidential Field to a debate on the U.S. Constitution, sources close to the Dead Elf say.

    “He’s pretty confident. Or IT is pretty confident,” said the source. "I’m really not sure how to refer to an Elf corpse.”

    The challenge comes after literally two consecutive years of Republican Presidential hopefuls butchering the Constitution in order to make it appear it agrees with their often-outlandish views. The most recent come from Pizza Guru Herman Cain, who confused the Declaration of Independence with the Constitution, while admonishing his fan base for not actually reading the Constitution.

    Ramona's picture

    FRIDAY FOLLIES: Judgment Day (oh, that), Birthers get Mugged, and Caruso Sings


    The Rapture is coming tomorrow. Tomorrow at 6 PM three percent of the citizens of the world will be swept up and deposited in what they hope will be God's loving arms. The rest of us can look forward to five months of tribulations, until October 21, when a worldwide catastrophe will take place and we'll all be gone.

    William K. Wolfrum's picture

    Breaking: Rapture Came & Went Three Weeks Ago - No One Noticed

    SALT LAKE CITY – The Rapture came and went three weeks ago, say researchers at Brigham Young University. The entire episode took five hours and 45 minutes, and few if any took notice.

    “Yeah, Christ was here, he looked around, played a round of golf at Pebble Beach and split,” said one researcher. “It’s a little disappointing really. We expected serious fireworks.”

    William K. Wolfrum's picture

    Tiberius: No investigations in Jesus Christ ‘Advanced Crucifixion Techniques’ case

    ROME (April 28, 1) — Emperor Tiberius Caesar Augustus has announced there will be no investigations into the purported torture and crucifixion of convicted heretic and enemy of the state Jesus Christ. In a statement from the Emperor’s office, Tiberius stated that Christ’s crucifixion did not meet the empire’s definition of torture, and that it was time for Roman’s to begin focusing on the future.

    William K. Wolfrum's picture

    Koch Brothers donations give them final say on the Rapture

    HEAVEN – Following a staggering donation to the Heaven Fund, the Koch Brothers will now have final say on who gets Raptured. sources tell this reporter.

    David and Charles Koch – who combined are worth $43.5 billion – recently made headlines when it was learned that they had essentially taken control of the economics departments of such public colleges as Florida State University. In the FSU case, the Koch Brothers donated $1.5 million to the economics department, but with the caveat that the money could be taken away should the brothers disagree with any new hires.

    William K. Wolfrum's picture

    Newt Gingrich’s latest marriage is destroying the fabric of my potential divorce

    Coming from a conservative upbringing, I have long held strong beliefs about marriage and the commitment that comes with eventually destroying said marriage. So when I married more than seven years ago, I set out on a path to make mine the most traditional marriage and divorce as possible.

    Michael Wolraich's picture

    Dead Bin Laden Photos Surface

    In the wake of Osama Bin Laden's death, pictures of his corpse have become the most sought after photographs since Britney Spears sans panties.

    President Obama's arrogant, pussyfooting refusal to hand over the pictures to the deserving public has spawned a competition among the world's top news publications to obtain the photos.

    I'm pleased to announce that dagblog's crack paparazzi ninja-spy, William K. Wolfrum, with his trustee sidekick, his own ego, have succeeded where all others have failed. I hereby present to you the real dead Osama photos:

    Donal's picture

    POM Wonderful, PA



    No one has convinced me whether it derives from the Native American name Allatoona, or the German name, Altona, but Altoona is a funny name. George Burns used to quip, "They loved that joke in Altoona!" and I think that proves that Altoona rivals Walla Walla, OshKosh and Burbank for guffaw potential. And it just got funnier. I walked into my daughter's house last weekend, and heard, "Welcome to POM Wonderful."

    Ramona's picture

    FRIDAY FOLLIES: Earth Day, Beautiful Danger, Buseyisms, and Oh, by the Way. . .Jesus is coming

    Today is Earth Day.  Ever since 1970 we've been setting aside April 22 to celebrate the birth of the earth. (It also happens to be Lenin's birthday but I promise there is absolutely no connection.  I only mention it because some subversive with a tea cup is sure to bring it up, and I want to be able to say I got there first.)

    Michael Maiello's picture

    Comment Systems Down Across The Web!

    Talking Points Memo reports that its commenting system has crashed due to a failure at amazon.com.  The failure of Amazon's cloud problem has hobbled Web sites all over the place leaving articles and events uncommented upon.

    At the White House, there was much rejoicing.

    Donal's picture

    The Green Thing

    I found this at John Howley's Green Energy blog. He got it via email and doesn't know who wrote it, so I guess it's one of those things that gets passed around and around.

    William K. Wolfrum's picture

    Charlie Sheen mentions running for President! Interview him now!!!

    Just moments after not being able to win back custody of his kids from a wife in rehab, Charlie Sheen shocked the world by coyly mentioning he may consider a run at the White House.

    “I know I promised this wouldn’t be political, but look where we f— are, man!” said Sheen. “I would legalize pot. Everywhere. Vending machines, all of it. And subsidize everything.”

    William K. Wolfrum's picture

    Paul Ryan chokes 85-year-old Grandmother to death - hailed for his bravery

    WASHINGTON, D.C. – Using his bare hands, Republican Rep. Paul Ryan choked an 85-year-old woman to death last night, earning praise for his “serious” attempt to balance the United States Federal Budget.

    Ramona's picture

    FRIDAY FOLLIES: The Cheesiest and the Choicest

     

    My pal Jan started this yesterday on Facebook with a "Hooray!  Hooray!  It's Grilled Cheese Sandwich Day".  I'm shocked that I didn't know about GCSD.  I love those things!  But when Jan crabbed about her favorite sammich getting the recognition it so richly deserves for only one day, I wondered what I could do to make her feel better.

    Here it is!

    William K. Wolfrum's picture

    Blogger admits to having Masturbation problem

    MY OFFICE – Blogger William K. Wolfrum came out and admitted today what many had long suspected – that he has a masturbation problem.

    “Looking at it pragmatically, yes, I do have a problem,” said Wolfrum, unaware of the pun he was about to create. “When times get hard, I go to masturbation.”

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