Ramona's picture

    FRIDAY FOLLIES: On Roswell, A Beer for the Times, Disappearing Art, and a Twitterpated Pope


    Roswell, NM is in the news again with only just another suspicious "crash".   The "crash" supposedly burned "28 acres" of "grassland".  Uh huh.   The official word is that the pilot "ejected safely".  No ID on the "pilot".  Nobody is allowed to "see" him.  The base is "asking the public to cooperate with military and civilian authorities at the scene to ensure the safety of everyone involved."
    Ramona's picture

    FRIDAY FOLLIES: On Bachmann, Founding Fathers, Glenn Beck and Where Gays Come From

     Happy Canada Day (formerly Dominion Day), July 1, and Happy Fourth of July (formerly Independence Day), July 4.  Both days celebrate independence from Great Britain, the only difference being we dropped the Brits in 1776 and the Provinces to the North went on bitching about them until 1982.

    William K. Wolfrum's picture

    Shia LeBeouf - I tapped that

    When I saw that Shia LeBeouf told the media that he had "hooked up" with Megan Fox, I was not surprised. After all, I have hooked up with him, as well

    Yes, friends, I, noted comma user, William K. Wolfrum, have hooked up with Shia LeBeouf.

    The first time was on the set of Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. We both figured we'd never work again, so what the hell?

    Michael Maiello's picture

    The Michelle Bachmann Dozens

    Michelle Bachmann is...

    ...so flaky that when she showers with Head and Shoulders, she disappears.

    ...so flaky that if she eats a Hershey's Kiss she becomes pan au chocolat.

    ...so flaky that she snowed in her own cross country bus tour.

    ...so flaky that when she goes to KFC, biscuits order her.

    ...so flaky that she could sell herself in Japan as panko under the brand name Pannko.

    …is so flaky that she thought the first primary debate would be held on the Food Network.

    …is so flaky that the Gorton’s Fisherman chases her around.

    Ramona's picture

    FRIDAY FOLLIES: Huntsman's debut dud, New Bank Heist Health Care Plan, Pop-up Pianos, and Barbie killed Bratz

    Rachel Maddow, dear-heart, I'm begging you--never, ever do beat poetry at the bongo drum AGAIN!  Gawd!  That was painful! I'm telling you, it was excruciating!  I love you truly but that was just gawdawful.  Really.

    Ramona's picture

    FRIDAY FOLLIES: On the Dalai Lama, Thurber, Michael Scott and Mitt

    I've always dreamed of someday meeting the Dalai Lama (hasn't everybody?); sitting down with him, picking his brain, asking him the questions of the day:  What do you think about war and famine and global warming?  If I knew I was actually going to have the chance, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be working up a joke to tell him.  But then I'm not Australian anchor Karl Stefanovic, who had been saving his best joke (I'm guessing) for his best interview ever only to find it painfully lost, in translation and ever

    Michael Wolraich's picture

    Republican Debate Shocker! No One Turned Into a Werewolf


    Herman Cain discusses Islam

    Political experts across the nation burbled approvingly after Monday's Republican presidential debate in New Hampshire. The candidates surpassed expectations by maintaining human form and refraining from howling, salivating excessively, or biting moderator John King on the leg.

    Ramona's picture

    FRIDAY FOLLIES:On Jockey shorts, Palin's bus, Christie's 'copter, and Stone dead alligators

    We were all a-twitter last week by the big news that a close-up photo of a suggestive section of a pair of gray jockey shorts was sent to a young follower from Rep.

    William K. Wolfrum's picture

    For God's Sake, Sarah! Tell us what you're doing!!

    Speaking as a some-time member of the corporate media, let me just say that Sarah Palin's recent Bus Tour has been driving me nuts. Not only won't Palin tell the Media what the main purpose of the tour is, aside from the hazy patriotic gibberish, but she hardly gives the "Lamestream Media" the time of day!

    Now, I understand that Palin quit her job as Governor of Alaska half-way through and that it's highly unlikely she'll ever hold a political office again. But what is the bus tour about!?

    William K. Wolfrum's picture

    Penis in Weiner pic to get Reality Show with Donald Trump

    Hey, you heard it here first at the site that specializes in the hottest entertainment news! It seems The Penis in the Anthony Weiner Penis Pic Controversy has accepted a spot on a new reality show with Donald Trump!

    William K. Wolfrum's picture

    Moammar Gadhafi announces run for GOP Presidential Nomination

    LIBYA – Speaking from an underground bunker somewhere near Tripoli, Libyan leader Moammar Gadhafi announced his run for U.S. President.

    “I mean, there’s a lot going on right now,” said Gadhafi, who is simultaneously being attacked by Libyan rebels and NATO forces. “But the field just seems so, you know, empty.”

    Gadhafi’s bid received an endorsement from conservative leader Bill Kristol, who said he was “dazzled” by the dictator’s humor and conservative ideals on a recent Conservative cruise for politicians and donors.

    Ramona's picture

    FRIDAY FOLLIES: On Oprah, Elizabeth Warren, Hitler's Dogs, and Assorted Boobs

     After months of building up to this, on Wednesday Oprah Winfrey said goodbye to her still-huge audience and ended her daytime show.

    William K. Wolfrum's picture

    Dead Elf challenges entire GOP presidential field to debate on Constitution

    MINNESOTA – A wayward elf that froze to death in the snow last December has challenged the entire GOP Presidential Field to a debate on the U.S. Constitution, sources close to the Dead Elf say.

    “He’s pretty confident. Or IT is pretty confident,” said the source. "I’m really not sure how to refer to an Elf corpse.”

    The challenge comes after literally two consecutive years of Republican Presidential hopefuls butchering the Constitution in order to make it appear it agrees with their often-outlandish views. The most recent come from Pizza Guru Herman Cain, who confused the Declaration of Independence with the Constitution, while admonishing his fan base for not actually reading the Constitution.

    Ramona's picture

    FRIDAY FOLLIES: Judgment Day (oh, that), Birthers get Mugged, and Caruso Sings


    The Rapture is coming tomorrow. Tomorrow at 6 PM three percent of the citizens of the world will be swept up and deposited in what they hope will be God's loving arms. The rest of us can look forward to five months of tribulations, until October 21, when a worldwide catastrophe will take place and we'll all be gone.

    William K. Wolfrum's picture

    Breaking: Rapture Came & Went Three Weeks Ago - No One Noticed

    SALT LAKE CITY – The Rapture came and went three weeks ago, say researchers at Brigham Young University. The entire episode took five hours and 45 minutes, and few if any took notice.

    “Yeah, Christ was here, he looked around, played a round of golf at Pebble Beach and split,” said one researcher. “It’s a little disappointing really. We expected serious fireworks.”

    William K. Wolfrum's picture

    Tiberius: No investigations in Jesus Christ ‘Advanced Crucifixion Techniques’ case

    ROME (April 28, 1) — Emperor Tiberius Caesar Augustus has announced there will be no investigations into the purported torture and crucifixion of convicted heretic and enemy of the state Jesus Christ. In a statement from the Emperor’s office, Tiberius stated that Christ’s crucifixion did not meet the empire’s definition of torture, and that it was time for Roman’s to begin focusing on the future.

    William K. Wolfrum's picture

    Koch Brothers donations give them final say on the Rapture

    HEAVEN – Following a staggering donation to the Heaven Fund, the Koch Brothers will now have final say on who gets Raptured. sources tell this reporter.

    David and Charles Koch – who combined are worth $43.5 billion – recently made headlines when it was learned that they had essentially taken control of the economics departments of such public colleges as Florida State University. In the FSU case, the Koch Brothers donated $1.5 million to the economics department, but with the caveat that the money could be taken away should the brothers disagree with any new hires.

    William K. Wolfrum's picture

    Newt Gingrich’s latest marriage is destroying the fabric of my potential divorce

    Coming from a conservative upbringing, I have long held strong beliefs about marriage and the commitment that comes with eventually destroying said marriage. So when I married more than seven years ago, I set out on a path to make mine the most traditional marriage and divorce as possible.

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