Personal Information

Superpowers

Biography

Jollyroger admits that he did work his way through stripper school as a lawyer, but since graduating he has rehabilitated himself, and profits no longer from the misfortune of his brothers, but from the lust of his sisters instead. He is currently on the 60 day DL (too fat); Until he is called back up to the show, he is temping as an inventor.

Favorite Quotes

* Favorite Quotes

REX VISIGOTHIS:"I believe in less than enough feed, just enough speed, more than enough weed, and way too much pussy"

BERNARD EIBER: "You write like a god"

KATHY SISSON: "You fuck like a god"

SUZANNE FARRELL: "Someone had to be eliminated, and poor Roger was the most expendable"

VANESSA FARRELL: "You have such a pretty dick"

MY SISTER: "He wasn't always like this...you should have seen him before all the acid.  My God, he's a Woodrow Wilson Fellow!"

MY MOTHER: "So I told his father, 'Look Manny, let's don't kid ourselves.  All he really wants to do is get high and get laid..."

History

Member for

2 years 31 weeks

Blog Posts

Hey, Prez! (you worthless punk) Four steps to a fifth face on Rushmore.

by jollyroger 11/8/2012 - 11:41 pm

With fear and trembling we turn towards the second term agenda.

Let's pretend that Obama has learned a thing or two besides how better to fake feisty.

These are a few of the several crucial pivots off the recent election that will give some hope for a new House majority in 2014, failing which we will continue deadlocked and stymied.

Prez, your mission should you choose to accept it: Lock in the components of your coalition, bring them directly to bear upon specific House repugnants rendered vulnerable by votes forced upon them over the next two years.

We begin, of course, with the elimination of the filibuster, thus turning the Senate into a weapon of mass repugnant destruction. [Read more]

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Desperately Seeking Saviour: Heroic IRS agent, a nation turns its lonely eyes to you.

by jollyroger 11/3/2012 - 4:14 pm

"Where am I going?". This was my cousin Tracy's charmingly naive response to my question :"What do you pack?" (.a Glock as it turned out). I had just learned that her recent accountancy degree had brought a job with the IRS, specifically the C(riminal) I(nvestigation) D(ivision).

Tracy has rehabilitated herself, and is no longer employed in law enforcement, but my mind turns today to her, and the other hundred thousand or so IRS agents. If you are one, (or a friend/relative of one) this post is for you. Your country calls out in peril, and you have the access code to save it, albeit at great personal cost.

Willard, (not the furry rat-the bipedal one) teeters on the edge of election.  [Read more]

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Prez to Pashtuns:"OK, we'll leave you medieval tribal nut cases alone. But we're taking your women with us, you murderous pigs. Blanket asylum for Pashtun women. How ya like us now?"

by jollyroger 10/19/2012 - 5:07 pm

When the subject of our impending Afghan exit is discussed, it is common to lament the wretched condition to which the women of that country will be abandoned. On the Pakistani side of the Durand line, the same or worse oppression obtains.  [Read more]

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Goin' tribal, gettin' on the bus to Philly.

by jollyroger 10/11/2012 - 2:13 am

Some coming weekend morning, as the busses deploy from Atlantic Center at the unforgiving hour of 8:30, I will drop an extra 20 mg. of Adderall to steel myself against the unfamiliar glare of the morning sun, and set off to go door-to-door for that worthless punk, Obama.

 

Do not be deceived: I'm still voting for Jill Stein, and I haven't begun to forgive the suave deceiver who made me cry twice- once when elected, once when revealed as the stealth running dog of the plutocrats that he is. I am, after all, volubly on record as disgusted beyond all human endurance by the waste of a moment of real possibility for political transformation.  [Read more]

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Help wanted: Gunslinger. Must be licensed to practice in the State of Utah.

by jollyroger 10/7/2012 - 2:33 am

Billy the Kid, hero of my earliest youth, would have known how to right this wrong.

Withal, as trial lawyers are alternately known as "gunslingers" (it never bothered me a bit...) someone needs to ride into town and destroy two subhuman life forms, if only by way of crushing punitive damages. [Read more]

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Prez to Romney: "Don't you even THINK of patronizing me, you lying shape-shifting sack of tax cheating off-shoring bust out artistry."

by jollyroger 10/4/2012 - 7:22 pm

It's not enough to have talent, you gotta have character.

Evidently utterly unmanned by fear of alienating the remaining three undecided voters in the country, "Mr. Nice Guy" (aka The Great Left Hope) actually let Willard get away with a version of "Don't bullshit a bullshitter" to his downcast face, viz, "Don't bullshit a father of five sons".

Prez sadly eschewed the obvious riposte "With a father like you, it's no wonder your boys lie like a rug!".

From the long catalog of Romney lies, the best we got was "Never mind!" as a sarcastic summation of Romney's total renunciation of his prior positions. [Read more]

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The Bed-Stuy Chain Saw Massacree

by jollyroger 9/22/2012 - 6:31 am

From the annals of Brooklyn justice an illuminating tale, casting in bold relief the true venality of prosecutors trolling for easy pleas.

As the charging documents would have it, defendant Shaborn Emmanuel was a particularly dangerous fellow. In a common commercial conundrum, he had accepted drugs on consignment and now found himself, through circumstances not made immediately clear, in possession of neither the inventory nor the money owed therefore.

His supplier, evidently unconvinced by the bald assertion that a thief had unfortunately made off with the goods, gave Emmanuel a choice. "Present me", he said "with my money or the head of the thief".

I think you can see where this story is going. [Read more]

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Free-Loadergate's hidden taper-Our hero: Sir or Madam, I salute you. Class traitor, true patriot, America's friend

by jollyroger 9/19/2012 - 3:55 pm

Willard no doubt wishes that he had been able to confiscate all cell phones at the door, but that's a non-starter.

Withal, someone paying 50k to attend (or a beautiful "paid for" guest...), someone surely not in the reviled 47%, did a real number on the guest of honor.

The floor is open for nominations.

I rule out the disgruntled help as too visible and too harried to pull off the taping.

The more I ruminate, the more I lean towards a female hand on the record button.

I love you, baby.

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What's that smell? Do you smell that smell? It's the smell of a Repugnant victory-and it smells like fecal incontinence

by jollyroger 9/4/2012 - 12:11 am

So much attention has been drawn by the proposed substitution of "vouchercare" for Medicare that many voters have overlooked a companion disaster bearing down on them.

As middle class voters on the wrong side of the farcical 55 year old safe harbor (below which age your future at the tender mercies of the Ryan budget is bleak indeed) weigh the pros and cons of changing a defined benefit Medicare program for a defined contribution vouchercare program ( cf. exchanging a pension for a 401k) they probably cluck their tongues but fret little over the planned trillion dollar cut in Medicaid. They think it will not impact them--after all, they are financially troubled but not yet so poor as to qualify for Medicaid. [Read more]

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Pashtuns-Never too old to die fighting

by jollyroger 9/1/2012 - 7:21 pm

A moment of truly spine tingling synchronicity:(cue the Twilight Zone theme music...): Just as Clint Eastwood was proving that 82 is too old to vamp, back in Afghanistan, a member of the people once described as Clint Eastwood in a turban was proving that 70 is not too old to die fighting.

*A nightime raid by Australians had drawn the ire of President Karzai. Responding, a U.S. spokesman offered the current blanket categorization that if you are military age and dead, you are a Taliban. The wrinkle here is that we now recognize that Pashtuns never quit. [Read more]

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