For those interested, I'm doing a live-blog of Fox News Election coverage all day today. I will likely be in a home for the criminally insane tomorrow, but i do it for you.

--WKW

WASHINGTON — Stung by criticism over using a soup kitchen for a staged photo op that showed him washing dishes that were already clean, Vice-Presidential candidate Paul Ryan has announced he will be making a large donation to the

My friends, the 2012 election is about choices. It is the choice between the out-of-control socialism of Barack Obama and the steady professional leadership of Mitt Romney. Also, the Navy SEAL who actually shot Osama bin Laden lives at 112 Ark St. in St. Louis, Mo.

As a political blogger, I have long had a reputation as a pragmatic, level-headed fellow who often uses humor in lieu of shrillness. While I am proud of this reputation, it is one that has kept me from achieving the popularity I so rightly deserve. That is why, as of today, I will be changing my positions and attitudes to better take advantage of the current political atmosphere.

Emile Griffith was one of the great boxers in the history of the game. Throughout his career, there were rumors regarding his sexuality. Those rumors came to a climax during Griffith’s third fight with Benny “Kid” Paret, who had spent the build-up of the fight taunting Griffith about these rumors.

It seems like every four years or so, a story or person comes to my attention. In 2008, it was Martin Eisenstadt. In 2012, so far, it’s “Virgins Wanted.”

WASHINGTON, D.C. — A new Gallup poll today showing that a large percentage of Mitt Romneys think U.S. citizens are “jerks.”

The poll – which took the opinions of one Mitt Romney over a 10-state area – showed some negative trends for the U.S. public. By wide margins, American citizens were thought to be “stupid,” and “Jerks,” and that they “should not be involved in the governing process.

My friends, the 2012 U.S. elections are the most important of our lives. Which is why you should give me money.

Yes, my friends, it is that time again – the time for you to decide how much you love your country by giving money to a U.S. blogger residing in Brazil. As has been proven time and again, my words reverberate around the globe and give President Barack Obama a distinct edge in his race against humanoid life form Mitt Romney. For instance, when I tweeted this:

WASHINGTON – In its last action before recess, GOP representatives passed a bill through the House that would require President Barack Obama to send a personal letter to Al Qaeda leaders, requesting a large terrorist attack on a blue state of the U.S. in late-October. The bill passed across party lines.

“We feel that a large-scale terrorist attack on the U.S. and its citizens is just what America needs right now,” said Speaker of the House John Boehner. “Just one devastating attack would be the end of this President, meaning lower taxes and more jobs would be on the way.”

DES MOINES – Appearing together on stage for the first time, Republican Presidential nominee Mitt Romney and former Vice-Presidential nominee Sarah Palin had harsh words for the administration of President Barack Obama.

“By even mentioning that he did not like an anti-Muslim video, Obama has put all Americans in grave danger,” said Romney, smirking. “And when I say Americans, I’m not including troops overseas, because I’m only talking about important things in this speech.”

WASHINGTON – The re-election campaign for President Barack Obama has made a $1 million donation to the Mitt Romney campaign. The donation comes on the heels of Romney’s recent foray into foreign affairs, accusing Obama of sympathizing with Islamic extremists, despite the fact that it never happened.

Sources close to the Obama campaign said they wanted to make the donation to give Romney more chances to appear on television so voters could see more of him.

Today is the 11th anniversary of the 9/11 terrorist attacks on the United States. It is a day for remembrance of those who lost their lives and loved ones.  And it’s a day to remember those who have used 9/11 to advance their own political agendas:

It has been several months since I, William K. Wolfrum, formally declared my intention to run for the office that I deserve to win. Since then, I have had multiple donors who have helped me spread my message across this great land.

Over the years, William K. Wolfrum has made numerous outlandish claims in blogs, on Twitter, in real life and occasionally while sleeping. Such claims demand non-partisan fact-checking to give the public the truth of the matter. That is why I, William K. Wolfrum, have taken it upon myself to fact-check some of these claims.

HEAVEN – God, the controversial creator of everything everywhere, has signed a new deal with the Democratic Party that will keep him in their fold for the next four years.

“This is just a thrill,” said God, 42. “There so much uncertainty in this game, but now I feel as though I’ve finally made it.”

Yes, Bin Laden is alive and well in Brazil, where he’s running for office in the mid-term elections. His political aims? Apparently disillusioned by Jihad following his Pakistan bullet adventure, he is running to rid the nation of corruption and child labor. It’s a big move for Osama, who once made a living in Brazil in the bug extermination business.

Brazilians aren’t at all fearful of Bin Laden, and for good reason. They have Batman and Robin to protect them.

One of the first soccer games I attended in Brazil was a battle between Minas Gerais interstate rivals Cruzeiro and Atlético Mineiro. The crowd of more than 50,000 was evenly split between fans of each team, with each side separated from one another in the stadium.

During intermission, I wandered around the stadium, coming to the area where police had cordoned off the sides. On one side were fans of Cruzeiro, the other side fans of Atlético, both sides taunting one another. Then, the taunting got too intense. And the police tear gassed the lot of us.

When Republican Rep. Mike Kelly stood in front of the world and stated that the birth-control mandate was comparable to Sept.11 and the Pearl Harbor attacks, it got people’s attention. This was a true game-changing statement in many ways. Mostly, it changed how we Americans should now compare things.

Being an incredible success in life is something I’ve come to grips with lo these many years. And while I’d like to say that hard work and discipline have taken me to my current staggering heights, we all know that’s a load of nonsense. There is but one reason why I am the successful man I am:

I’m cultured like a son of a bitch.