dagblog - Comments for "more haikus for another Friday afternoon plus ..."

Great poem and I just focused

Oxy Mora — Sun, 29 Jan 2012 04:31:53 +0000

In reply to The line, "Rain falls into

Great poem and I just focused on your lead-in to the poem. I simply cannot imagine composing something this good in my head and memorizing it. That is amazing.

Thank you. It is a response

moat — Sun, 29 Jan 2012 02:06:08 +0000

In reply to Very nice work.

Thank you. It is a response to your haiku mixed together with an appreciation for Mr Smith keeping an eye on snow.

Dissolve into your being... I

MrSmith1 — Sat, 28 Jan 2012 20:54:49 +0000

In reply to I like it. The thought

Dissolve into your being... I like that.

How's this:

He meditates, then
dissolves into his being.
(Don't wake him from naps.)

Very nice work.

Donal — Sat, 28 Jan 2012 20:15:59 +0000

In reply to Rain falls into

Very nice work.

Nicely done, and thanks as

Oxy Mora — Sat, 28 Jan 2012 19:53:19 +0000

In reply to From your comment last week,

Nicely done, and thanks as always for your inspiration and leadership in poetry. I wish I could be in NYC to attend your event. Best of luck on it.

I like it. The thought

moat — Sat, 28 Jan 2012 19:19:39 +0000

In reply to The line, "Rain falls into

I like it. The thought approaches the Tao. In that tradition, there is the phrase, sung shin, which is often translated as: "dissolve into your being."

The line, "Rain falls into

MrSmith1 — Sat, 28 Jan 2012 16:34:29 +0000

In reply to Rain falls into

The line, "Rain falls into streams", combined with my back and forth with Mr. Day about 'Now', reminded me of this poem I wrote about ten years ago. The back story is ...

I was lying in a hospital bed and the television had not been hooked up yet, so I was listening to The Raymond Scott Quintet on my iPod ... one of the songs was titled, "Yesterday's Ice-cubes are water today." So I start making up this poem, using the title of the song as the first line of the poem, but not having pen and paper handy, I had to keep repeating it over and over in my head until the next morning when I was able to write it down ...

---------------------------

Yesterday's ice-cubes are water today,
What once was cool has melted away,
Evaporation must come to us all,
Back up to the clouds so the rain can then fall,
Fall to the stream, flow to the river,
from faucet to freezer we soon start to shiver,
We're back being ice-cubes,
don't know where or when,
we just know the process starts over again,
Our minds try to tell us there is only the Now,
As if Life after Now is a fiction somehow,
But the soul goes on being,
though each time here is fleeting,
To glimpse the eternal,
well ... that would be cheating,
For we are just ice-cubes,
at being cool, we're the best,
We can understand melting,
but have to trust all the rest.

No apologies needed. The

moat — Sat, 28 Jan 2012 16:12:28 +0000

In reply to World class, Moat. Imagery in

No apologies needed. The third stanza is clunky. I am disinclined to use your alternative, however, because I try to avoid splitting phrases for the sake of making the syllables fit a line. I will mull it over a bit and maybe come up with a better stanza.

The last stanza is not balanced either but I don't agree that using air is less "classical" than wind. The Greek word is ἀήρ (aer) and if the line "air reflects you best" was translated into Greek, all one would need is the proper declension of ἀερίζω. But your observation does point out to me that the verbs used in the last stanza are not closely knit.

Thank you for the encouraging words.

World class, Moat. Imagery in

Oxy Mora — Sat, 28 Jan 2012 14:50:08 +0000

In reply to Rain falls into

World class, Moat. Imagery in first two stanzas is astounding.

As a born meddler, I keep wanting to rearrange the last two stanzas. I so love the second line in the third stanza, I would like to make it the end:

! ! ! ! ! , in no

rush for our return.

Also if you want the classic 4, substitute "wind" for "air".

Apologies in advance for screwing with such a work of art.

I second that!

Oxy Mora — Sat, 28 Jan 2012 14:41:23 +0000

In reply to Well done, Erica!

I second that!