dagblog - Comments for "When Social Media Becomes Too Much To Bear (Death Goes Viral)"

Just ran across this recent

artappraiser — Tue, 20 Aug 2013 07:57:38 +0000

In reply to When Social Media Becomes Too Much To Bear (Death Goes Viral)

Just ran across this recent article which amazingly seems to address some of the points in both your post and the post directly previous on DAG by "Another Trope":

The Real Reason Why So Many People Overshare on Facebook, by Paul Hibert, republished by Slate from Pacific Standard Magazine, Aug. 19.

While I'm usually not a big fan of short-form sociology via pop media, the author does seem to point to some thought-provoking theorizing that might be worth pursuing in more detail.

This is a very heavy topic to

Orion — Tue, 20 Aug 2013 05:58:07 +0000

In reply to When Social Media Becomes Too Much To Bear (Death Goes Viral)

This is a very heavy topic to start off with, Natasha. Congratulations and I'm glad that we've moved from friends of friends to colleagues.

Social Media, despite its name, has made life pretty socially awkward. The pressure is to say anything and everything and you don't really get to feel the response of others the way you would normally. A friend of mine said that the world may be insane but it may actually be less crazy than in the past - in this day and age, we simply see everything.

Hi ocean-kat, Thanks for your

Natasha Gural — Mon, 19 Aug 2013 14:58:37 +0000

In reply to What I find most

Hi ocean-kat,

Thanks for your comment. I was thinking of Walden when I wrote this, as I often do when I think of death and dying in general. I agree with you, and think that some of the most content, emotionally stable, and dare I say *happy,* people I know do live life quietly and not in the quest of fame as defined by public recognition or appreciation.

I laugh when I think of people who write biographies, as some of the most banal I've ever met have penned their own. *shakes head*

That said, I do understand why people seek widespread recognition for their creative or scientific work, or any meaningful pursuit that leaves a legacy by virtue of some quality of greatness, whether that's tapping into and articulating something new yet universal or discovering something that alters (and improves) life for others. But so very few and rare are the people who have any chance of ever achieving such greatness. The Internet lets us believe otherwise, and this notion that if something goes viral it becomes meaningful disgusts me. My father repeatedly reminded me: "Tash, life is 99% disappointment. If you can accept that, you may be able to be happy." Too many people want only to be happy, yet they do little in that pursuit. In a hypersocial world, too many falsely believe that if a lot of people just read about or watch a video of something they've said or done they are *famous,* and therefore must be happy. This I cannot comprehend.

There's also the sense of entitlement, regardless of where someone falls on the banality scale. What's worse is when the banal believe they are better than others and end up hurting other people (the only ones who care about them) as they take drastic action just to draw attention to their "ordinary, boring, trivial lives." As Erskine says in Oscar Wilde's The Portrait of Mr. W. H.: "You forget that a thing is not necessarily true because a man dies for it."

What I find most

ocean-kat — Mon, 19 Aug 2013 10:17:57 +0000

In reply to When Social Media Becomes Too Much To Bear (Death Goes Viral)

What I find most disconcerting about Facebook and Tweets is the banality of it, the endless parade of the trivial details of the poster's life. As I read section after section of Manley's site that is what came to mind.

Thoreau said, "The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation. What is called resignation is confirmed desperation...." I don't think that's so. Most people live ordinary, boring, trivial lives and, perhaps surprisingly, are quite happy to do so. I'm one of them. The story of my life would be boring if I were to take the time to write an autobiography.

Manley lived an ordinary, boring, trivial life.Harsh I guess, and we're taught not to critique the dead. But Manley killed himself for the sole purpose of getting strangers to read the stories of his ordinary life and discuss it.

90% of his site, excluding the small part explaining the reason's for his suicide, was nothing more than stories of his life and his interests. It all could have been posted without the suicide, but no one but his friends would have read it. No one but a friend would have cared. He committed suicide to get people to read what no one would have read but for the suicide.

Really, I don't mean to be so harsh. I have many of those same trivial stories that no one but a friend would care about. Manley tells a couple of stories about how he met his wives. The women I married first noticed me because of some adolescent sarcastic comments I made at some high school marching band competition that made her laugh. Manley's favorite musician is James Taylor. I suppose mine is John McLaughlin. He lists his favorite movies. I could list mine.

I don't expect you to care that I like McLaughlin absent some interesting analysis of his music. Or that I like Groundhog Day. The story of that girl who became my wife because she found me funny is really quite boring. I don't expect you to care.

Manley was likely a nice guy, a good friend to his friends, kind to dogs and cats and little children. But for some reason he does care that complete strangers read the ordinary trivial stories of his life and his likes and dislikes. He cared enough that complete strangers hear his story that he killed himself to get them to his site.

And that's something I don't think I'll ever understand.

Thanks, Michael. I know

Natasha Gural — Sat, 17 Aug 2013 18:04:43 +0000

In reply to Nice to see you here,

Thanks, Michael. I know sensational suicide isn't new. I was in Amherst, Mass., town center the day Gulf War protestor Gregory Levey, burned himself to death on the town common in 1991. The difference is that now anyone's suicide can become a national news story, using social media as a vehicle to go viral. In 1991, few people outside of the Happy Valley (Hampshire County, Mass.) had even heard about Levey's self-immolation, and Levey's dad was married to Ellen Goodman, the Pulitzer Prize-winning columnist. I think what troubles me is how people use social media to "go viral," even if it's to get traffic for a *news* article they've written by using a sensational headline that is in no way supported by the article text. I struggle every day professionally with this phenomenon of marketing maven savvy trumping anything with meaning or resonance and the breakdown of editorial quality. The idea of someone treating their own death like that kind of story is difficult for me to comprehend at an emotional and intellectual level. I hear you on the Facebook memorial outliving it's intention and creating an awkward and uncomfortable situation for users who appreciated it when it was timely, even necessary. I cringe every time I get an update, months, even three years in one case, after I've signed some online guest book on an obit page. I can only imagine what emotional impact a visceral condolence that pops up in your inbox, long after the initial sting of death and loss, must have on the people closest to the deceased. Cheers to your bacchanal, in life and after.

Nice to see you here,

Michael Wolraich — Sat, 17 Aug 2013 15:34:37 +0000

In reply to When Social Media Becomes Too Much To Bear (Death Goes Viral)

Nice to see you here, Natasha! I'm not sure that social media is changing peoples' fascination with public death--sensational suicide is not new--but it certainly facilitates it.

The piece reminds me of a related experience that I had with the loss of a friend. He was my wife's colleague. When he died suddenly, his many friends in her department were devastated. Unable to attend his funeral overseas, they created a facebook group in his memory. It served as a virtual wake; people wrote in to share their memories and voice their sorrow.

It was a beautiful and poignant expression of loss--at first. The only trouble was that websites do not expire. Most mourning rituals have time constraints. Jewish law, for example, prescribes a precise schedule: 7 days of intense mourning, 23 days of moderate mourning, and for children of deceased parents, 11 additional months of milder mourning. After that, people are only permitted to mourn the deceased on the anniversary of the death. While I don't advocate such a rigid schedule, the time limits serves a purpose. We have to move on.

The facebook group had no such limits of course. Months after this man's death, I received email messages from people telling him (i.e. the group) how much they missed him. They became harder and harder for me to read. Ultimately, I unsubscribed from group, which felt disloyal. Perhaps it continued to serve a need for those who stayed in the group, but I wonder. I suspect that time-constrained mourning rituals are not designed to release us from devotion so much as to obligate us to let our loved ones go.

PS Jewish funeral rites are so lame. When I go, I want a bacchanal in my honor. Maybe skip the open casket though. Just stand my ashes on the bar.

Dear Anonymous, I have worked

Natasha Gural — Sat, 17 Aug 2013 12:45:28 +0000

In reply to I personally knew Martin

Dear Anonymous, I have worked in multiple newsrooms, and have known and worked closely with many people in various sports departments. I've also done reams of agate myself, a requirement for every editor on the news desk in the early part of an AP career. I meant no offense. I have read about Manley's background. Despite any achievements, awards or accolades, a career in this industry can still be demoralizing, even for the most accomplished.

I'm sure Natasha meant no

Ramona — Sat, 17 Aug 2013 11:17:58 +0000

In reply to I personally knew Martin

I'm sure Natasha meant no disrespect. Maybe you could help us understand Martin Manley's actions since you knew him. It is an intriguing mystery to the rest of us.

I personally knew Martin

Anonymous — Sat, 17 Aug 2013 06:49:08 +0000

In reply to When Social Media Becomes Too Much To Bear (Death Goes Viral)

I personally knew Martin Manley. And if you personally knew him, you would get it and understand. And by the way, he was an amazing data/stats analyst who could turn numbers into meaningful words. Your quote, "Maybe spending a career 'dealing with sports statistics,' drove him to finally be the news, instead of playing a back office role contributing data for bookies and gamblers." is offensive to anyone who works in a news sports department. Manley created the NBA's current efficiency index. You might want to Google that.

Good post. Gave me lots to

trkingmomoe — Sat, 17 Aug 2013 04:28:36 +0000

In reply to When Social Media Becomes Too Much To Bear (Death Goes Viral)

Good post. Gave me lots to think about.