dagblog - Comments for "Dickie Ray's new Venture"

I could visualize the

trkingmomoe — Mon, 16 Feb 2015 17:25:49 +0000

In reply to Yep, that's Dickie Ray's ex

I could visualize the waitress bouncing around with a gun strapped to their "Daisy Dukes."

Yep, that's Dickie Ray's ex

Oxy Mora — Mon, 16 Feb 2015 14:32:51 +0000

In reply to I just ran across this in the

Yep, that's Dickie Ray's ex-wife.

Thanks, trking. I might well start making Texas Sniper Biscuits for real.

I just ran across this in the

trkingmomoe — Mon, 16 Feb 2015 12:57:47 +0000

In reply to Dickie Ray's new Venture

I just ran across this in the LA Times. I think it ties in nicely with your story.

http://www.latimes.com/nation/la-na-shooters-grill-20150128-story.html

Waitresses glided past, balancing trays of bacon and eggs on their shoulders while sleek black pistols bounced on their hips.

Boebert even dreamed up the "sidearm sandwich" special — dinner and a concealed-carry class for $75.

There is a sign on the door.

"Please keep all weapons holstered unless need arises," advises a sign on the door. "In such case, judicious marksmanship is appreciated."

I thought you would enjoy this.

Thanks very much. It takes a

Oxy Mora — Mon, 16 Feb 2015 03:03:23 +0000

In reply to Way to go, Oxy! You've

Thanks very much. It takes a lot of whittling and your comments and encouragement are very much appreciated.

I was thinking the process is like making a good marinara sauce or chicken soup. Once you get all the ingredients in the pot, it's the reduction that counts.

Way to go, Oxy! You've

barefooted — Mon, 16 Feb 2015 00:42:45 +0000

In reply to Dickie Ray's new Venture

Way to go, Oxy! You've filled some holes and put everything together very nicely - it reads well. By the way, I do like the dialog style. Not easy to pull off I imagine, but you certainly did.

Your commitment to the story is admirable, and is a testament to how it should be done.

Thanks, trking. 'Preciate you

Oxy Mora — Sun, 15 Feb 2015 13:36:17 +0000

In reply to Thumbs up on the second

Thanks, trking. 'Preciate you.

Thumbs up on the second

trkingmomoe — Sun, 15 Feb 2015 10:02:02 +0000

In reply to Dickie Ray's new Venture

Thumbs up on the second rewrite.

I aint tired, Ma'am, and

Oxy Mora — Sat, 14 Feb 2015 23:01:28 +0000

In reply to Are you sick of us yet?I like

I aint tired, Ma'am, and Tiffany and me might could git together.

Right, mucho back story here.

Thanks very much.

Are you sick of us yet?I like

barefooted — Sat, 14 Feb 2015 22:23:59 +0000

In reply to Dickie Ray's new Venture

Are you sick of us yet?

I like the new title, it defines the story and is a much better.encapsulation. I'd love, however, to know how Dickie Ray developed from a well intentioned, but inexperienced and bungling average guy into a successful entrepreneur. Why did the first-person character invest so heavily in his idea? There's a backstory begging to be told. And what's up with the budding romance between "you" and Tiffany? Delve into it, use it to build complexity and undertones.

You know what Mr. Smith and I are getting at, don't you? This piece feels unfinished because it's bigger than a short story. It deserves more.

Thanks very much, Smith.

Oxy Mora — Sat, 14 Feb 2015 22:11:05 +0000

In reply to Much improvement in the re

Thanks very much, Smith. Great points.