dagblog - Comments for "On Meeting People at Bars"

The trick is to fall for the

LisB — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 02:19:38 +0000

The trick is to fall for the bartender, or barmaid as it were.

If seeming unavailable is a

Orlando — Mon, 17 Nov 2008 00:06:43 +0000

In reply to Well, of course you are right

If seeming unavailable is a turn on, then I'm totally doing it wrong. I guess I should be clingy? I prefer honesty, honestly (heh). What's wrong for asking for what you want? I don't get games. I guess that's why I suck at dating.

Catch 22 That's why you need

NeuroTick — Sun, 16 Nov 2008 23:52:03 +0000

In reply to Well, of course you are right

Catch 22

That's why you need a "bathroom line"

Well, of course you are right

AM — Sun, 16 Nov 2008 23:12:34 +0000

In reply to I like it. At the very least

Well, of course you are right about the execution. Honesty is a turn off. Unless somehow we could make everybody do it... then maybe things would shift. What gets me is this.... if availability is a turn off... then seeming unavailable is a turn on. But the only people that approach someone who seems unavailable are people who are either very confident, or arrogant, pushy, etc. How does one attract someone who is shy? Or how do you attract someone else who is also petending to be unavailable?

Not tut-tutting exactly. And

Orlando — Sun, 16 Nov 2008 21:45:37 +0000

In reply to I think I hear some

Not tut-tutting exactly. And anyways, what do I know? When I'm attracted to someone, I usually ignore them so I won't have to deal it. I look at dating as a massive chore and suffer through dates with men that my friends and family pick for me. Ten years ago, I was probably like you, in that I could talk to anyone as long as they started the conversation. My mom was one of those people who talked to strangers all over the place--on the bus, in the supermarket checkout, at the doctor's office--and it used to mortify me to no end. Now, maybe because I'm older and don't care as much what people think of me, I have no problem starting conversations, just problems finding people I actually care to talk to. But there again that could be false snottiness, just to avoid the drama of dating.

I like it. At the very least

NeuroTick — Sun, 16 Nov 2008 20:32:02 +0000

In reply to Just so you know, I am very

I like it. At the very least it would make for a kickass performance art project. The problem with the actual execution is that advertising one's availability is a turnoff. Hence the absurd games.

Just so you know, I am very

AM — Sun, 16 Nov 2008 19:37:14 +0000

In reply to I think I hear some

Just so you know, I am very good at talking to strangers and I still don't know how to successfully play the "absurd games."

My feeling is that everyone should have a sign that they hang around their neck. Just put it out there. Like maybe: "I'm looking for a relationship, but am also open to casual sexual relationship with the right person. I like a challenge, so the best thing to do is to talk with me for a few minutes, pretend you're not interested, but then actually call me later. Please don't ask me to talk about my work." The sign should be on our back so we forget it's there, but people will at least have a clue. Yours could say "I like to talk to people but I can't approach them so help me out by coming over and saying hi." Someone's could say "I just broke up with someone and am looking for rebound sex." Also, people who are in serious relationships who are hanging out in bars should definitely have a sign on them. I find the most charming men will always always then introduce you to their girlfriend/fiance.

I have heard of it working

AM — Sun, 16 Nov 2008 19:29:50 +0000

In reply to Isn't the point of meeting

I have heard of it working out, meeting someone at a bar. I kind of agree with you about the alcohol though... it probably isn't as useful as it seems.

I am very outgoing and talk

AM — Sun, 16 Nov 2008 19:28:52 +0000

In reply to Not sure about that. Feels

I am very outgoing and talk to everybody but it still doesn't work. Sometimes I play the good quiet girl and wait for them to come to me and it still doesn't work.

I think I hear some

NeuroTick — Sun, 16 Nov 2008 19:05:00 +0000

In reply to Isn't the point of meeting

I think I hear some tut-tutting in the background. Fair enough point, though. I don't know anyone who found a serious relationship in a bar either. But I suppose that this post was not really about bars. You could insert a coffee shop, a party, or a poetry slam. I'd have the same feelings though the degree might differ. And honestly this post isn't even about finding a relationship. It's about the conflicting feelings that I have between what I wish that I could do and what I feel comfortable doing and about the absurd games we play as sexual beings looking for partners. We know they're absurd even while we play them but that doesn't stop us. Most of us.