The Bishop and the Butterfly: Murder, Politics, and the End of the Jazz Age
    Richard Day's picture

    THE SACRED HALL OF RECORDS

    Daily Beast: The "birther" movement got a boost Tuesday evening, as Liz Cheney, the former vice president's daughter, appeared sympathetic to the conspiracy theory that President Obama is foreign-born. Appearing on Larry King Live, the host pressed Cheney on the issue, asking her if she believed Obama was born in Kenya. Cheney said no, but added, "I'm saying that people are fundamentally uncomfortable and fundamentally I think increasingly uncomfortable with an American president who seems to be afraid to defend America, stand up for what we believe in." James Carville, who was also on the show, seemed baffled before saying, "These poor pathetic people are believing stuff just like Ms. Cheney tonight. She refuses to say this is lewd, ludicrous because she wants these people to believe this."

    HuffPo: CNN host Lou Dobbs contributed to keeping alive the conspiracy theory that President Obama is not an American citizen when he speculated on his radio show that Obama may be undocumented:I'm starting to think we have a document issue. You suppose he's un... no, I won't even use the word undocumented, it wouldn't be right.

    According to Think Progress, Dobbs agreed with a caller that Obama's presidency and actions as president could be deemed "illegal." Learn more about Dobbs and the birther movement here. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/07/21/lou-dobbs-speculates-if-o_n_242430.html

    Huffpo: on Hardball, Chris Matthews did his part for sanity, hosting California Congressman John Campbell, who is one of the Congressmen who have sponsored the "Birther bill" which "would require future presidential candidates to provide a copy of their original birth certificate." That bill's main sponsor is Florida Representative Bill Posey, who has never adequately explained to Stephen Colbert whether the rumors that his own mother is the mutant offspring of a human and an alligator are true. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/07/21/bad-day-for-birthers-as-m_n_242378.html

    By the by, Matthews just skewered the idiot.

    How do we know what we know as Rummy might have put it?

    We live in a fluid society.  One hundred years ago most people lived and died within twenty miles of their birth. And it was that way for thousands upon thousand of years. Maybe even more than six thousand years.

    But today, people stay at their jobs for four or five years and move on.  I mean dickyc was born in Nebraska for Chrissakes and moved to Wyoming and spent most of his life in DC fucking up millions of peoples' lives.

    w was born and grew up in Connecticut, went to Yale and Harvard (they really do take ANYBODY, and I mean ANYBODY) and speaks with a phony Texas accent.

    Now I was told that I was born in St. Mary's Hospital in Minneapolis, MN. I remember sitting across the river at the U when I graduated for the second time and looking across the river at that hospital. 23 years of age and I had only gotten across the river, I thought.

    But how do I know for sure that I was born there. By deductive logic I recall my first memory on a train when I was two years old.  I do not remember being born. As a parent I learned that it can be a messy experience indeed that I have no desire to revisit.

    My parents told me. But few people who knew them would take their word on any serious matter.

    And think about it. How the hell do you know where you were born?

    You get a goddamnable birth certificate. (blesses himself) There is no truth, except some personal truths after all. We live in a society and it is what can be proved by a preponderance of the evidence sometimes, other times proved  beyond a reasonable doubt. That is it. Period. But for proof purposes you have to have a 'certified copy' of that certificate. 

    Who thought up  this idea of a certificate anyway? I mean I see nothing in the Bible. I mean Moses had some problems with proving his origins.  And Jesus, I mean being born in a barn and put in a manger with paternity being challenged and all.

    Well we have to go to our State, Federal and even Territorial governments. That's it. There is no other place to go for 'proof'.

    THE KEEPERS OF THE RECORDS. A rather ceremonial and sacred place, the Hall of Records.

    Oh and this thing about Hawaii being a territory. First, our President was born in 1961. Hawaii became a state in 1959. BUT IT'S IRRELEVANT.

    Do people really think that 60 year olds who were born in Hawaii are not citizens? What are they nuts?

    And if you happened to have been born in Puerto Rico, YOU A UNITED STATES CITIZEN. You have freedom to come here and live across the street from fathead dobbs if you have enough money and you are dumb enough to be in the proximity of one of the worst and ill informed demagogues on tv. And you do not need a fucking green card or permission or nothin'.

    But I digress.

    STATE LAW governs most of our 'records' in this country. So pretend that 50 and 60 degree weather is a good thing and pretend you live in Northern Minnesota.  And we shall take a walk to our local HALL OF RECORDS.

    MINNESOTA STATUTES

    First look to your state Data Practices Act. In Minnesota its Section 13.01 et seq

    Subd. 3. Scope.

    This chapter regulates the collection, creation, storage, maintenance, dissemination, and access to government data in government entities. It establishes a presumption that government data are public and are accessible by the public for both inspection and copying unless there is federal law, a state statute, or a temporary classification of data that provides that certain data are not public.

    Subd. 7. Certified birth or death record.

    (a) The state or local registrar shall issue a certified birth or death record or a statement of no vital record found to an individual upon the individual's proper completion of an attestation provided by the commissioner:

    (1) to a person who has a tangible interest in the requested vital record. A person who has a tangible interest is:

    (i) the subject of the vital record;

    (ii) a child of the subject;

    iii) YADAYADA YADA

    The statute goes onto define who has a tangible interest. Supposedly not everybody can get a certified copy.  But, and you will love this, if you prove you are an attorney, YOU GET ONE. ON ANYBODY.

    This tells you how to get a certificate. But like the question of 'where do we come from' you might wonder 'where did the proof of where we came from come from'?

    144.215 BIRTH REGISTRATION.

    Subdivision 1.When and where to file.

    A record of birth for each live birth which occurs in this state shall be filed with the state registrar within five days after the birth.

    Subd. 2.Rules governing birth registration.

    The commissioner shall establish by rule an orderly mechanism for the registration of births including at least a designation for who must file the birth record, a procedure for registering births which occur in moving conveyances, and a provision governing the names of the parent or parents to be entered on the birth record.

    Subd. 3. Father's name; child's name.

    This tells us how to get a court order to make the bastard contribute to the cherub's college fund.

    Subd. 4. Social Security number registration.

    Parents have to provide social security numbers.

    Subd. 5. Births occurring in an institution.

    When a birth occurs in an institution or en route to an institution, the person in charge of the institution or that person's authorized designee shall obtain the personal data required under this section and shall prepare the record of birth. For purposes of this section, "institution" means a hospital or other facility that provides childbirth services.

    Subd. 6.Births occurring outside an institution.

    (This tells us what to do in case our kid is born in barn and put in a manger)

    Subd. 7.Evidence required to register noninstitution birth within first year of birth.

    This further defines how best to take care of the cherub in the manger.

    Now this is important. The Director of the Hospital or his designee (which is usually a brother in law that just cannot seem to find fruitful employment elsewhere) under Subd. 5  prepares the information for the documents. Why should we trust this bastard anyway? TRUST HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH IT. The statute says the guy or gal in charge of the hospital either gets the info or assigns someone else to. END OF DISCUSSION.

    After these documents are prepared they must somehow get to the state registrar within five days.

    Now there are complex procedures for going into court and 'challenging' a public record.  Maybe DNA tests demonstrate Fred was not the dad but rather his brother Clem. I mean who cares.

    There are always procedures for procuring a Writ of Mandamus to order a public official, like the State Registrar to do something, like change a record.

    And there are more clear cut statutes available in your state outlining procedures for going into  court and asking for relief like amending a birth certificate.

    Normally the issues concerning birth certificates have nothing to do with 'proof of birth'. They involved the adopted, those individuals who wish to discover their parentage.  Or natural parents who wish to find out the location of their 'natural children'.

    Here is another statute relating to all of this.

    Subd. 3. Laws and rules for preparing vital records.

    No person shall prepare or issue any vital record which purports to be an original, certified copy, or copy of a vital record except as authorized in sections 144.211 to 144.227 or the rules of the commissioner.

    So it is against the law to falsely prepare a document, to certify a false document.  And there would be criminal sanctions against this conduct. If you have a certified document the contents there in can be challenged. But there is a great burden of proof put on the party OPPOSING THE DOCUMENT.  The burden is not on the individual proffering the document!!!

    This is not a legal brief and I am no longer an attorney. I am just pointing out some aspects of certification. How does our system work? And our statutes in Minnesota may differ somewhat from the statutes of other states. And there are Federal Laws that tell the state what it can do and what it cannot do with regard to these records.

    And these conspiracy theorists are all nuts. And every time they have applied to the courts of Hawaii for some sort of relief under its statutory structure, the actions are dismissed.

    Someone cannot just come and attack us in court without some underlying facts to support a cause of action.  Anyone can serve and file pleadings alleging some cause of action against anyone assuming they include proper statutory language in their complaint. But that does not mean that a motion to dismiss on the basis of the pleadings alone will not be granted.

    Clinton did not kill Vince Foster.

    w did not order an attack on the Twin Towers.

    My President was born in Hawaii in 1961.

    THE END