Jan 20, 2009
Today I became Commander and Chief of the Bounty amid some fanfare. As I well understand the burden of my duties from my years as prisoner of war in the Orient, I took up my office with not much need of the crew's help.

A crowd far from conservative sent us off with great wailing as we embarked, yet it was a day of songs and speeches and rum with my hearty fellows, and I allowed the crew their high spirits far into the night.

Jan 21, 2009
We are beset by conditions most foul! It seems I raised my hand only yesterday to give the first order when the ship began taking on water.

The Bounty threatens to founder, buffeted by strong headwinds and seas that seem to flip and flop before my tired eyes. I am ill. Is it really the seas—or only my point of view—lurching to and fro so angrily?

Jan 22, 2009
The storm has abated only for a few minutes, I think, as I write this. The crew has performed well thus far, but I wonder if they are in need of some reform soon. Lately, I have heard some of the men cursing under their breaths. They look at me askance as if I do not steer a steady helm.

Jan. 23, 2009
Under a break in the clouds, I have given the lash to one of my crew and sent him to the brig. A touch of reform will serve him for his disloyalty.

Jan. 24, 2009
We are becalmed, drifting upon the current of events. I have ordered the master of our ship's assets to see to the economy of our stores, though I confess I hardly know what that means other than putting all hands on half-rations.

Jan. 25, 2009
Upon orders of the ship's doctor, I ate lemons today to avert the scurvy. I heard a man call me "Old Sourpuss," whereupon I saw that more of the crew were turning against me. Thus I summoned Mr. Christian to deliver the whip into Mr. Blunt's firm hand. I was most satisfied that the crew resumed their silent grumbling.

It occurs to me I have seen this behavior before, under another captain. He could not then hold the ranks for the good of the ship, which came close to sinking until I returned from the hard-fought campaigns at the last minute. Yet even I could not force them to unite.

Jan. 26, 2009
Treachery! Betrayal! Unpatriotic mutiny!

Mr. Christian awaits outside my chamber. Are my quarters to be my only sphere of influence? My solitary, oval office?

They are breaking in! O, unclothed shame! Where is the swift sword Commander Lincoln bequeathed to me? Where are the boots given me by Captain Roosevelt?

Nay, it cannot be! Palin is with them! Hurriedly, I drape myself in the flag. I shall teach the ungovernable louts the meaning of reform when they come through the ...


Moral of the Story

McCain has so little standing among the Far Right that his much-ballyhooed return to Washington produced no results this week, only enabling a revolt against the bailout bill by House Republicans.

McCain can't control his party even while the most decisive presidential election in decades draws near. Even when the stakes are a national economic disaster. So what chance does he have to get his agenda passed through a Democratic Congress if he were to become president? With McCain and Palin in the White House, the GOP caucus would splinter and be hijacked by Christian conservatives.

McCain will not be able to govern. Nor should he be given the chance to try.

Now Rec this this or I will have you put in leg irons.