Dear Sarah,

I hope you won't mind the informal mode of address, as I feel like I already know you!

But I was just thinking that maybe others in this great country don't now you so well as some of us do. Wouldn't it be great to speak to them, you know, off the cuff? Really show them your down-home, folksy, Alaskan common sense about government accountability and all?

And what better way than to answer reporters' questions? Right to their faces!

You could take on that mean old liberal press like the true reformer and agent of change you are! Show that good ol' boys network by appearing right there on Campbell Brown's show!

Now I know that Oprah has said she'd love to have you on her show after the elections are over, and that does seem sort of liberally biased if you ask me, considering she had Obama on her show before the campaign started. Why she hasn't had him on since then, I don't know. He IS Mr. Celebrity! But you should be given a chance to talk about hockey and motherhood, too, right in front of the public and the tough questioner Oprah can be.

Anyways. I'm wandering here, girlfriend. (LOL!)

The point is, talk to those reporters as soon as you can. I know the McCain people keep saying they want you out in front of the public, but heck, wouldn't being on TV or in teh newspapers do you as much good? I just know it would!

You could stare those uppity media types down and tell them you didn't ask for a bunch of earmarks. (Who really believes earmarks could cost $27 million, anyway? My piercings cost $5, and even if your whole town got them, why, they'd cost $3,000 apiece!)

And the Trooper Gate thing. Give me a break. So you had some guy fired because he wouldn't fire the guy who dumped your sister. (Men are such jerks! I say serves the guy right, even if you did have to pull a few strings as governor.)

Now, I know you hate contraception and baby killing, but I have to say that it doesn't seem real smart to cut funding for teenage pregnancy services in Alaska when you could probably figure on Bristol "doing it" before she was really ready to have kids. Oh well, at least she isn't like those black kids that can't keep their legs closed. I'm glad you got the bum to agree to marry her. That makes it right.

In closing, let me just say how excited I am that you will be putting God back in more classrooms and government offices. Where I live, there aren't any crosses in the public buildings. Sure will be nice when you and Senator McCain turn the bums out of Washington. As a mayor, I know you did that a lot when the police chief and librarian wouldn't toe the line. And after 28 years in Congress, I know Senator McCain knows just how to clean house! Finally!

Regards,

Your biggest fan