LAS VEGAS - In a shocking move by Ultimate Fighting Championship owner Dana White, President Barack Obama has been named the winner of Ultimate Fighter season 10, replacing Roy Nelson as this season’s winner.

When Barack Obama began his more-or-less Keynesian approach to fixing a U.S. economy that was terribly broken by Milton Friedman`s rehashed laissez faire approach, two strange things happened amongst Republicans. First, Republicans began crowing about how they dominated social media web sites like Twitter - a meme primarily put out by Republicans. Second, every Republican in a state position immediately thrust themselves into the national political picture.

SIMI VALLEY - Celebrated golfer Tiger Woods - in the midst of his biggest personal crisis - has announced that he will do a full photo shoot for Playgirl Magazine’s Christmas issue.

“Tiger’s aware that he’s let down many of his fans recently,” said a spokeman for Woods. “We believe this photo shoot will remind people of just how impressive Tiger really is.”

For more than 30 years, Americans of all sizes, shapes and colors admired Tiger Woods and his golf game. Now, when the name Tiger Woods is mentioned, you can only think of one thing - his Penis.