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    Questions: The Wedding Edition

    Oh man. I used to love weddings. I really did. I thought they were fun affairs where you got to see family and friends, drink and dance, and just have a good ole time. Plus, when I was single, I almost always got lucky at weddings - something in the air lends itself to sex and romance I guess.

    So i always thought I wanted a big wedding because then it's all the good things about weddings but you're the center of attention and getting all the gifts!! What's not to love?

    Of course, now that I'm knee deep in planning my own wedding, I understand. They are awful, awful things. My family and my family-to-be are doing more than fair share in helping to plan and pay for the wedding (big shout-out to the parent-in-laws to be here!) and still the list of things to do and pay for is just about endless. Is it too late now to elope???

    Anyway, in the spirit of wedding frustration, I present this edition of questions. Now in some of these, I'm appealing for advice, so please help a brother out.

    1) Playlist

    2) Best Thing/Worst Thing

    3) Ideal Size

    4) Ideal Type

    5) Wedding Vets: Advice?

    6) Fu-- Tradition

    7) The Food

    8) Ethnicity Rocks

    9) Groomsmen Gift

    10) A or B



    1) What's the one song you think should be played at every wedding? What one song should never be played? help us build the ultimate wedding playlist!

    Must be played

    • Wedding: Mendelssohn's "Wedding March"
    • Reception: Kames' The Chicken Dance

    Should not be played

    • Wedding: Kames' The Chicken Dance
    • Reception: Mendelssohn's "Wedding March"

    Glad to be of help. ;)

    In all seriousness, my cousin's fiancee' wrote a piece for their reception which was outstanding. Alas, I'm not sure if it's in the public domain, and if it is, what it was called, so not much help there.

    Eye of the Tiger. MUST.

    Just because you need to be sure Genghis is NOT in the house. If he comes forward, and starts stylin' all over your tilin', flee.

    Repeat. Do NOT attempt to engage.

    At a friend's wedding recently, "In My Life" by the Beatles seemed highly appropriate. They did the iPod thing, btw -- totally worked great.

    2) Think back to the weddings you enjoyed most. What did they have in common? What about the ones you enjoyed the least?

    1. Short
    2. I knew a significant number of the people
    3. Unusual (e.g., I had a Hindu friend who was marrying a Christian. Their wedding was quite interesting.)

    Smokin' hot bridesmaids. Though a couple had smokin' hot brides.

    Yeeeaaaaah baby. (Best Austin Powers grin.)

    Short, sincere, personalized ceremony. Not too hot. If I was working, not having friends there. If if wasn't, having at least a few people I knew and liked to talk to. Bride and groom at least appearing to be unstressed. Fantastic homebrew beer. Beautiful setting. Kids playing.

    3) What number of people is the ideal size for a wedding?

    For me, 50-100, but that's definitely a taste thing.

    The bigger the better, but it's important to let them in in rotations. You know, some for the vows, some for the food, some for the chat, some for the dancing, some for the sex with drunken bridesmaids, etc.

    4) What's your ideal wedding: A) Small destination wedding b) Big, lavish affair c) Elope to nearest City Hall or Vegas d) Does not exist

    A, hands down.

    Takin' the twins somewhere hot and sunny.

    For me, or to attend? To attend -- big party, but not particularly lavish. For me -- ideal but unrealistic would probably be a destination thing; but I wouldn't be able to keep the guest list small enough.

    5) If you've gone through your own wedding, what one piece of advice would you give someone about to plan/have their own?

    Listen to your future wife. If she's not happy with the wedding, then you'll hear about it for the rest of your life…

    (OK, I'm being more than a little sexist here and assuming the details matter a lot more to her than to you.)

    Bein' left at the altar isn't as bad as it sounds. Give it 20, 25 years, and it's ok. Really. No. Really.

    Don't try to make everyone else happy...this is you and your future wife's special day!

    On the details of your special day that really matter to the two of you - make it the way you want it, even if others are suggesting to do it another way (and even if they're helping to pay for it).  These are the things that will make it memorable for you.

    As far as everything else - don't sweat it. If you don't care what food will be served or what time the bouquet will be thrown then don't worry about those details...let the others helping you plan/pay take the lead and run with it so there is less stress for the two of you. 

    One final note - What's the worst thing that can happen?  Your wedding is a disaster and you still wake up the next day with your beautiful new bride next to you.  Not so bad right?

    I haven't gone through my own wedding, but I've been "professionally" involved in enough that I feel qualified to comment: plan all the details that matter ahead of time, but on the wedding day itself don't worry about any of it. Something's going to go wrong; someone will get lost on the way, things won't start on time, whatever... And ultimately none of that will matter. Also, don't worry about what "people do" in planning your wedding. Everyone does it differently, and the only thing that matters is that you figure out what's important to you (and possibly your family, especially if they're paying).

    6) What is one wedding tradition you would like to see obliterated forever?

    The "obey" bit. Presumably, you're already omitting that from your wedding, however.

    Wait, that hasn't been obliterated yet?

    Bouquet toss. Especially when the bride starts shouting out the names of her single friends when she sees they're not on the floor. One of my friends actually had a special "tossing" bouquet prepared that split into a dozen mini-bouquets mid-air. I thought that was a cool way to modify the tradition, but I'd rather do without the embarass-the-single-girls-while-emphasizing-that-they-won't-be-whole-until-wed bit entirely.

    7) Best part about the typical wedding meal: a) Cocktail food, b) main course, c) dessert, d) just the cocktails?

    I've always had a fondness for the desserts. That, coupled with the fact that most wedding reception food tries too hard makes it a very easy choice.

    The McNuggets.

    Typical wedding meal? The food usually seems pretty "blah" -- cake included -- so I'd have to go with drinks. Though I've definitely had some excellent wedding meals, too. And I love it when people vary the "cake" idea: layered (on platters) tiramisu for a friend who doesn't like cake; cupcakes (they're "in" now, can be very tasty, and allow for a nice variety of flavors); a flat, white goat cheese wheel (for a couple very fond of cheese).

    8) Ethnic weddings: Which ones are the best and why?

    The ones where the bride and groom have two different ethnicities, because it makes it more interesting. Of course, see my comment in #5 as to why interesting might not be a good thing…

    Best I've seen are the ones where it crosses lines of hatred and war. At the wedding ceremony, they start with all this stiffness and tension, but then you can see people start to get teary, and realizing that they're forming a new kind of union, stepping into a new time.

    Then, at the reception, everyone gets hammered and the knuckle-to-head action starts. That shit's worth payin' to watch. UFC got nuthin'.

    At my cousin's wedding, the fun got started after her husband-to-be's hard-drinkin' Croatian family got into the sauce.  First there was the debacle over his mother's dessert offering, which she began to feel was not featured prominently enough.  After telling my aunt off, she fled to the ladies room to cry.  It look nearly a dozen female guests to talk her down.

    I thought that would be the end of the fun, but then the DJ decided that my uncle, a friend of his, wasn't paying him enough.  He got in my uncle's face and told him so, but this resulted in my uncle throwing him up against a wall and telling him to get the hell out of the reception hall.

    And this was a nice, non-denominational wedding in Berkeley.  Weddings rule.

    9) What's a good groomsmen gift? (Do not say a fully loaded Mercedes, Genghis!)

    • Optimal: individually tailored gifts.
    • If you're time-pressed and have money to spend: sports massages
    • If Genghis is one of your groomsmen: nose and ear hair trimmer

    Correction: If Genghis is one of your groomsmen: nose and ear hair shears.

    10) Pick one: a) Band or DJ? b) Sit-down meal or buffet c) Chicken Dance or Electric Slide d) Pigs in a Blanket or Sushi? e) White or Chocolate Wedding Cake f) Templated or Individualized Vows g) Tux or Suit for Groom h) Prenup or not i) Complete Set of China or Big-Screen TV j) Menu choices on invitation or no?

    a) DJ

    b) Buffet

    c) Chicken Dance

    d) Something vegetarian…

    e) White chocolate wedding cake

    f) Individualized vows

    g) Tux

    h) Probably not

    i) Big-Screen TV

    j) Menu choices on invitation (see d, above)

    Dude. Just this quiz alone is turnin' into a workout. Toooo mannnnny choices. Must have beer.

    So you really like this chick, eh? Wink

    A- depends. B- depends. C- no opinion. D- Sushi. E- the couple's favorite flavor. F- individualized. G-depends on the style of the rest of the wedding. H- I'd say yes, but maybe that's 'cause I've never been anywhere close to getting married. I- china, just 'cause it's easier to split into sub-gifts for the peeps. J- depends on the caterer and venue. Not having choice cards is classier/easier on the peeps, but classier doesn't hold much weight if it's going to mean some people can't get what they'd want 'cause the caterer runs out.

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