In Washington on Tuesday, Republican Minority Whip Eric Cantor announced that the GOP would hold a banquet in September to honor outstanding Americans for their contribution to public debate.

Said Cantor, “The President gets to hand out the Presidential Medal of Freedom to whoever he wants. Just this week, President Obama handed out the medal to two dead guys. Our award will have much stricter eligibility requirements.”

Inaugural award nominees include:

*Newt Gingrich, disgraced former Speaker of the House who may be planning a bid for president in 2012, who has a long history of spewing half-truths as well as downright dishonest statements;

*Sarah Palin, disgraced former Governor of Alaska who may be planning a bid for president in 2012; Palin has been on record many times for her ridiculous remarks, however, since many believe she is simply too stupid to know what she is saying, she is considered to have long odds to win;

*Some guy who attended a Town Hall in Omaha, NE and suggested that his constitutional rights are being violated by a Democratic administration that would like to provide him with affordable health care options.

When asked to comment on his opinion of the newly-minted award, Senator Al Franken, a noted expert in the field of lies and the lying liars who tell them, said, “I think it’s great for the Republican party’s self esteem. However, it could be problematic that none of the recipients will be able to correctly spell the award’s name on their resumes.”