The day before the Pennsylvania primary, Barack Obama's campaign has been rocked by news of another troublesome relationship. There have been reports that Obama is separated by only six degrees from mass-murdering terrorist Osama Bin Laden. According to the reports, Obama's kindergarten teacher's family friend's cousin's doorman's grandmother was the kindergarten teacher of mass-murdering terrorist Osama Bin Laden.

In addressing the issue, Hillary Clinton took the high road by praising Obama's patriotism, but she expressed sympathetic concern, as a fellow Democrat, that Republicans would raise the issue of Obama's relationship to mass-murdering terrorist Osama Bin Laden: "I'm sure he's very patriotic," Clinton said of Obama. "But his relationship with mass-murdering terrorist Osama Bin Laden, mastermind of the 9-11 attacks in my city of New York, will be questioned by Republicans."

Proving Hillary Clinton's insight into Republican tactics, John McCain today questioned Obama's relationship to mass-murdering terrorist Osama Bin Laden: "I'm sure he's very patriotic," McCain said of Obama. "But we question his relationship with mass-murdering terrorist Osama Bin Laden, mastermind of the 9-11 attacks in Hillary Clinton's city of New York."

Both McCain and Clinton have demanded that Obama immediately reject and denounce mass-murdering terrorist, Osama Bin Laden, as well also his own kindergarten teacher, his kindergarten teacher's family friend, his kindergarten teacher's family friend's cousin, and his kindergarten teacher's family friend's cousin's grandmother, not to mention anyone else who is connected to Osama Bin Laden by six or fewer degrees, which, according to social scientists, includes 6.6 billion people.

In response, Obama criticized the press as well his opponents for engaging in "gotcha politics" and for sensationalist coverage of non-issues. Representatives of the press responded that since Obama's opponents had issued press statements about his relationship with mass-murdering terrorist Osama Bin Laden, the relationship had become, ipso facto, a campaign issue and thus merited sensationalist coverage.

Representatives from the Clinton campaign, who asked not to be identified so they wouldn't be held accountable, have also darkly hinted that Obama has more skeletons in his closet which might be questioned by Republicans, including six-degree relationships with racist bigots, steroid-using athletes, elitist snobs, and Kevin Bacon. They also alluded to rumors that Barack Obama's last name and Osama's first name differ by just one letter and called on him to reject and denounce the "O-ama" part that the two are alleged to share.