Michael Wolraich's picture

    How To Be Tough: A Primer

    1) Say "I'm tough". Say it a lot. Also, use the word "fight" in every other sentence.

    2) Promise not to quit. Ever. Consequences be damned.

    3) Compare yourself to tough historical figures. Like Rocky.

    4) Do not apologize. Tough people don't apologize. Rocky doesn't apologize.

    5) Tell anecdotes of about yourself in tough situations. E.g. "We landed under sniper fire and had to run to our vehicles."

    6) Play tough music. Examples:
    - Eye Of the Tiger (Survivor)
    - I Won't Back Down (Tom Petty)
    - Never Surrender (Corey Hart)
    - We're Not Gonna Take It (Twisted Sister)

    7) Say tough-sounding things about what you'll do to the bad guys. Examples:
    - "We would be able to totally obliterate them."
    - "We're going to get him. Dead or alive, it doesn't matter to me."
    - "We will bury you!" [bang shoe on table]

    8) Do not allow anyone to question your toughness or the value of toughness or even the meaning of toughness. Tough people don't take questions on toughness.

    9) Win some primaries. This is the most important step. If you win, the media will conclude that you have successfully persuaded voters that you are tough and that your opponent has a toughness problem. They will talk about your toughness and your opponent's untoughness endlessly until the voters start to believe that you are truly tough.

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