Dateline: 2 Days from now

Obama made history yesterday when he signed an executive order forcing Fox Corp. to make a new season of the acclaimed and prematurely canceled television show Arrested Development. “We are at a crossroads,” said President Obama. “We can either go back to pushing the failed agendas of the past, such as canceling a hilarious television show, or we can move forward by doing the things necessary to make TV more watch-able.”

While Democrats and television enthusiasts applauded the move, it was met with strong consternation from Obama’s critics. “This use of executive authority is unconstitutional and unwarranted. If it was such a good show why didn’t anybody watch it in the first place?” Said Republican Leader John Boehner.

Meanwhile in Hollywood, preproduction has already started. After a call from the President, show creator Mitchell Hurtwitz made scripts for the upcoming season available to Fox by 10 AM the morning of the announcement. “The right wing didn’t complain when Bush had all those signing statements that made torture legal. How is this any worse? I think if you ask most Americans they would prefer to watch good television to torturing.” Hurtwitz agent, Paul Beederman says.

Today, the White House announced that Obama will do a series of town hall meetings defending his decision and sharing why he likes the show so much. Each town hall will open with a question and answer session followed by Obama reading a list of his favorite reoccurring jokes from the show and solo reenactments of funny scenes.

DagNewsNetwork obtained an exclusive copy of the list of reoccurring jokes Obama will be patiently explaining in town halls. They are printed below in their entirety:

1. Hey Brother

Every time that Buster says hello to one of his brothers he says, “Hey brother.” I guess it’s not really a joke, but I find it highly amusing and it happens almost every episode.

2. I’ve made a huge mistake

When a character makes a mistake it is often followed with them quietly saying “I’ve made a huge mistake.” Gob gets back Maria, Gob decides to own up to being a father, Michael gets back with Maggie Lizer, Tobias in Reno, George and his twin brother Oscar with Lucille – all followed by this line.

3. Never nude Tobias/Homosexual Tobias

Tobias Fumke (David Cross) is a complicated man. 1) He can never be nude. Even when showering he wears denim cutoffs. 2) He says at least 5 homosexual innuendos a show. e.g. “Can I put some bangers in your mouth?” He asks as he is serving breakfast sausages.

4. Chicken dance

When anyone but Michael is mocking someone else by calling them a chicken they dance around “like” a chicken and make sounds “like” a chicken. Like is in quotations because they do horrible chicken impersonations. Seriously, think the worst chicken impression possible in your mind, and now double it.

5. Ann: Who?/Her?

Michael’s son, George Michael dates Ann in several episodes. Michael is not crazy about this. He dislikes her so much that he consistently doesn’t remember her name and when George Michael reminds Michael of who she is, he says “Her?” At one point George Sr. even says, “Her? She must be funny or something.”

6. Gob sees his parents having sex

On 3 occasions Gob sees his parents having sex, twice at prison and once in the back of a limo. Funny because it’s horrible.

7. George Michael + Maybe

Incestuous awkwardness brought on by the close proximity of two teenage cousins. This is where Michael Sera honed his skills of acting the like anxious loser who you can’t help but root for.

8. Hop-ons, you’re going to get some hop-ons

Because their assets are frozen the family has no choice but to drive a truck with a set of stairs attached to it (originally used for the family jet that they had to sell). Consequently, when they drive it people hop-on for a free ride. “It’s just gonna happen.”

9.  The Banana Stand

They own a banana stand, nuff said.