MURDER, POLITICS, AND THE END OF THE JAZZ AGE
by Michael Wolraich
Order today at Barnes & Noble / Amazon / Books-A-Million / Bookshop
MURDER, POLITICS, AND THE END OF THE JAZZ AGE by Michael Wolraich Order today at Barnes & Noble / Amazon / Books-A-Million / Bookshop |
I sit here before Deadman's brother's giganamous extreme-density power projection screen, eagerly awaiting the biggest television event of the year--Superbowl Ads XLIII. Yes, I belong to that silent majority of superbowl watchers who don't give a flying football about Cardinals vs. Steelers. We're here to see Ford vs. Toyota, Coke vs. Sprite, Bud vs. Miller, Mac vs. PC. I'm here to live blog answers to all your burning ad questions:
Pre-Kickoff
Avon - Are they serious? We're watching an avon ad before the superbowl? Who's their marketing genius. (Aside: Deadman has just confessed that his mom is an avon lady.)
Hyundai - The Smashing Pumpkins should come up with a new song called Sell Out. "Despite all my rage,I'm still just a greedy bastard."
First Quarter
10:00
Bud Light - Continuation of the decade long joke about how everyone loves Bud Light so much that they'll do anything rather than give up Buds. Does anyone actually love Bud Light. It's Bud Light. People alling out of buildings is always funny though.
Ron Howard's Angels & Demons - I love action-suspense films involving priests.
Audi - Grand Theft Auto parody does an excellent job of underscoring just how stuffy Audis are.
Pepsi - Bob Dylan & Will I M - And I was shocked by the Smashing Pumpkins. What is the world coming too.
Doritos - Throwing snow globes is inherently funny. Doritios is in the lead for best ad.
5:30
Bud Light - Conan, if you're going to endorse, at least make it funny. Talk about embarassing ads.
Jack Black in Year One - Could be funny
Toyota Venza - In the lead for worst ad. People might like their Toyotas, but who wants to be a Toyota?
Chuck 3D - Dumb
First quarter break
Bridgestone - LOL. Potato heads are even more inherently funny than throwing snow globes. Surges to the lead for best ad.
Fast and Furious XLIII - Enough said
Castrol - Does ape-kissing violate FDIC standards?
Second Quarter
14:09
Will Farrell in Land of the Lost - Could be funny.
Doritos - Yes, lingerie! Not snow globe funny though. Not even close.
GoDaddy.com - Undisputed bad taste champion of the Superbowl. Again!
14:00
Pedigree Adoption Drive - I like the old woman chasing the ostrich.
Budweiser - Horses fetching logs are not as funny as throwing snow globes.
Heroes - Give it up. The show was ruined by horrendous writing. It ain't coming back.
13:something
Budwiser - The horse is called Daisy? They've got to drop this horse thing. Try a dog. Spuds MacKensie Jr.?
Star Trek Revisited
8:34
G - ???
Cars.com makes its superbowl debut. Should have spend some of that $3M on a better ad team.
Red curry break. Please stand by.
2:59
Hyundai - Shouting German and Japanese car manufacturers. Interesting that they didn't choose American manufacturers (who would probably be sobbing instead). I liked this ad. Not particularly funny but memorable and made the point.
Chuck 3D - Why would anyone want to watch Chuck in 3D? For that matter, why would anyone want to watch Chuck at all?
2:something
New Pixar movie - Could be funny. They usually are.
Bud light - Gratuitious skiing wipeouts. Bud has clearly determined that their sweet spot is people falling down.
1:something
H&R Block - Python does Death better. Points lost for lack of "death and taxes" joke.
Teleflora.com - Mean insults from talking flowers are always funny.
0:59
Cheetos - Clever. Persecuting irritating cell-phone talkers is noble.
We take a break from Superbowl Ads XLIII to say "Wow, what a run!!!!!"
Half-time
Sobe - New office policy: no more halucinagens at ad planning sessions
Chuck - This is why people don't watch network television anymore
Nextel - There's a fine line between clever and stupid.
Heroes - [Sigh] I remember when this show was just for nerds.
Toyota Tundra - This ad is a self-parody. I LOLed when the truck started driving through fire.
Priceline - William Shatner is permanently frozen in time
Overstock.com - Ad buy: $3M. Total ad budget: $3.01M
NBC.com - For the record, I made that LMAO joke like eight months ago. Someone should pay me to do ads.
Third Quarter
Coke - cute
Bridgestone - First one was better
Denny's - Kinda funny.
Monster.com - I don't get it. Why is the guy sitting under a moose's ass?
Budweiser - Someone please shoot the horse and put us out of our misery. Deadman's brother wonders if the "I love this country" line is related to the fact that they were bought by the Belgians
2:11
Career Builder - Defeats Monster.com in a blowout. Brilliant ad.
Coke - Winner for Best Cinematography
Kellogg's frosted flakes - Is this a cereal ad?
Conan O'Brian - His own ads aren't funny either
Fourth Quarter
John Turturro channels Christopher Walken. Not sure what the ad was for. Beer, I think.
Ax men - The History Channel has clearly lost sight of its mission.
Acura - Precision is Power. Uh huh. Maybe they should show an Acura driving through fire.
12:something
Axa Equitable - Primates featuring heavily this superbowl. Maybe if there were fewer monkeys on Wall Street, we wouldn't be in this mess.
Celebrity apprentice - What kind of celeberty wants to kiss Trump's ass? This is going to be Surreal Life 2.
11:something
Coke Zero - Play off the classic Mean Joe Green ad. Meh.
Cash4Gold.com - Not the company that I would have expected to be running a Superbowl ad.
8:something
Taco bell - Funny
GE - Not seeing the relevance of the scarecrow
7:something
Hulu with Alec Baldwin - Smart humor. Me like.
5:28
GE - Strike two.
Pepsi - I wanted it to be funny. But it wasn't funny.
2 minute warning
GoDaddy has clearly found its niche. Their first superbowl ad with Candice Michelle in 2005 was provocative and funny. Now they're just beating Budweiser's dead horse.
Exciting football delay, please stand by
Congrats Steelers - Great game
Late update: I somehow missed the 1-second Miller ad. Perhaps b/c it was only 1-second. Anyway, here it is...
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11:00 AM 2/09
I have reviewed the top candidates and given careful consideration to style, humor, memorability, and tastiness. Here are the results...
Honorable Mention: Dorito's Snow Globe Toss. Viewed in the sober light of morning, this commercial lost its luster. The joke is funny because of the surprise factor, but it's not particularly clever. Nor does it leave me hungering for doritios. Still, the unexpected snow globe smash left me LOLing the first time I watched it.
Third Place: Bridgestone's Potato Head Marital Strife. What can I say, I love potato heads. In high school, I decided that it would be funny to give each of my friends a potato head on his or her birthday. And it was funny...until my birthday came around. Guess what I got? In any case, the sight of Mrs. Potato's bouncing lips cracked me up, and it's subtle enough to still be amusing on the re-watch. Not much connection to Bridgestone though.
Second Place: Hulu's Evil Alien Alec Baldwin. Funny, smart, and very re-watchable. Baldwin is brilliant. Hulu's product plays prominently.
First Place: CareerBuilder's It May Be Time. This brilliant, pithy ad aptly captures workplace trauma in a sequence of one-second tragedies. It made me want to leave my job, and I work for myself. It's clever, memorable, rewatchable, and the content ties directly to the product. Juxtaposed against Monster.com's weird, unfunny moose-butt ad, CareerBuilder blows away the competition.
Worst of Breed: In a spectacular feat, Toyota wins both silver and gold. Silver for the Are You a Venza? ad which suggests that rich, aestheticly-inclined black people with African art in their living rooms dream of being weany Japanese sedans. Gold for the Tundra Tunnel of Fire ad, in which a rough-hewn gravelly-voice narrates without a hint of self-consciousness as a truck drags an unimaginably heavy load up a spiral track through a ring of fire in the middle of a desert as a helicopter circles above it. The only thing that I can say for this ad is that if I need a truck that drives through fire, I will certainly consider the Tundra.
Comments
Forget the Samoan. Ghengis is the Philosopher Royale of this game!
by DC Bound (not verified) on Sun, 02/01/2009 - 6:44pm
Conan O'Brian is not funny. Not here, not ever.
by DC Bound (not verified) on Sun, 02/01/2009 - 7:05pm
Anything with Will Farrell is funny. Always. My heart actually skipped a beat when it was revealed to be Land of the Lost. Almost as funny; Doritos dude getting hit by a bus.
by DC Bound (not verified) on Sun, 02/01/2009 - 7:07pm
Dude getting hit by lumber. Always funny. Is this a theme? Have the monkeys and farting horses finally be repaced with physical abuse of dudes?
by DC Bound (not verified) on Sun, 02/01/2009 - 7:10pm
GoDaddy...doesn't even qualify as bad taste. Just not funny. Although they do host my domain.
by DC Bound (not verified) on Sun, 02/01/2009 - 7:12pm
Who is this DC Bound person?
GoDaddy has the cheapest domains. But no not funny.
by Michael Wolraich on Sun, 02/01/2009 - 7:18pm
Who do you know going to DC? A doi?!
by DC Bound (not verified) on Sun, 02/01/2009 - 7:24pm
Barack! Is that you?
by Michael Wolraich on Sun, 02/01/2009 - 7:25pm
It's Sasha!
by DC Bound (not verified) on Sun, 02/01/2009 - 8:02pm
This is the most self-censored ad season ever. They can't do dogs b/c kids would become alcoholics. They can't use women in gags. They can't be serious b/c that would contibute to national malaiase. They can't use monkeys (except for Castrol??) because that would imply ignorance of the 2000 Superbowl and subsequent dot-com blowup...
by DC Bound (not verified) on Sun, 02/01/2009 - 7:27pm
Here's the banned Peta ad for you:
by Michael Wolraich on Sun, 02/01/2009 - 7:58pm
Are there a lot of ads featuring women in gags?
by Orlando on Sun, 02/01/2009 - 8:27pm
Why do you care so much about bands licensing their material for promotion? That's the business model now.
by Anonymous (not verified) on Sun, 02/01/2009 - 8:04pm
I don't. It's hypocrisy that provokes my censure. Don't finger the Man with your right hand while you take his money with your left.
by Michael Wolraich on Sun, 02/01/2009 - 8:14pm
Shoot the horse? First you hate Ira Glass and now you want to shoot a horse? You really are a misanthrope, huh? (and apparently an equinthrope as well)
by Orlando on Sun, 02/01/2009 - 8:50pm
You seem to have taken this whole Ira Glass thing very personally. Is there something that you want to share with us?
by Michael Wolraich on Sun, 02/01/2009 - 9:30pm
Who doesn't love Ira Glass? He's adorable. He's like a puppy. Or a little elf. Who doesn't love puppies and elves? I'm afraid there might be something tragically wrong with you.
by Orlando on Sun, 02/01/2009 - 10:05pm
He's irritating and smug. I will not be tyranized by you Glascists.
by Michael Wolraich on Sun, 02/01/2009 - 10:28pm
You know they have therapists that specialize in persecution syndrome. We don't have membership cards. There's not even a secret decoder ring.
by Orlando on Sun, 02/01/2009 - 10:49pm
CareerBuilder add is genious. Punch the koala. Punch it. Punch it.
by DC Bound (not verified) on Sun, 02/01/2009 - 8:59pm
Whah? Crif Dogs? I don't get it.
by DC Bound (not verified) on Sun, 02/01/2009 - 9:10pm
MC Hammer! Ed McMahon! That's actually a pretty good ad. I'm prying out my fillings as we speak.
by DC Bound (not verified) on Sun, 02/01/2009 - 9:19pm
My brain is jelly. I'm going to bed.
by DC Bound (not verified) on Sun, 02/01/2009 - 10:08pm
This has been a great public service, Genghis! The closest I've been to the game in years.
by littleblackprop... on Sun, 02/01/2009 - 10:58pm
LBP! About f-in time you paid us a visit, you coy bastard. We need your wit. Maybe you can teach Orlando a thing or two.
by Michael Wolraich on Sun, 02/01/2009 - 11:38pm
Three people in the room -
1. snow globes
2. diet pepsi
3. Hulu
I made the last one up because I liked it. We also like the horse fetching. Second pepsi ad was good but lost points for selling out. Insulting flowers bad. Brother says frito lay won the nightover all but Dennys was real good.
See what we think (remember) tomorrow.
by Bluesplashy on Sun, 02/01/2009 - 11:01pm
Snow globes, yes. Hutu, yes. Pepsi? Seriously? Which ad are you referring to? I must have missed the frito lay ad, though I'm not sure how that's possible, since I was friggin bloggin all the ads.
Potato heads is a definite contender as well, and I personally liked the screaming German. That may be a genetic thing, since my ancesters were often screamed at by Germans.
I will follow your advice and decide tomorrow. Woudn't want to judge rashly.
by Michael Wolraich on Sun, 02/01/2009 - 11:39pm
Hutu? Jeez. Not gonna ask what their ads are for.
by quinn esq on Mon, 02/02/2009 - 12:27am
Frito lay makes Doritos and Cheetos both and the brother thought all three ads were good.
Potatoes heads didn't do it for me at all. Beer at meeting - stupid, but the office chair out the window was GREAT. As was all those men getting slammed - I'm good! I was falling off the couch while my brother was trying to tell me it wasn't THAT funny. Must have been the perspective (woman thing). I did think the screaming german was good.
Hulu - I have a thing for Alex Baldwin - he could talk to me about ANYTHING and I'd love it. I know - weak, but hey look those STUUPID go daddy ads.
This am in my mind I see Horse fetching limb and the I'm good ad (the bowling ball one haahahhahahahaha). And Dylan and Will I Am on the same screen, well my heart says yes yes yes but my mind still says sell out.
by Bluesplashy on Mon, 02/02/2009 - 8:32am
I was a cootie bug kid, no potatoe heads in my house.
by Bluesplashy on Mon, 02/02/2009 - 8:34am
Superbowl Ads: The Winners.
I have reviewed the top candidates and given careful consideration to style, humor, memorability, and tastiness. Here are the results...
Honorable Mention: Dorito's Snow Globe Toss. Viewed in the sober light of morning, this commercial lost its luster. The joke is funny because of the surprise factor, but it's not particularly clever. Nor does it leave me hungering for doritios. Still, the unexpected snow globe smash left me LOLing the first time I watched it.
Third Place: Bridgestone's Potato Head Marital Strife. What can I say, I love potato heads. In high school, I decided that it would be funny to give each of my friends a potato head on his or her birthday. And it was funny...until my birthday came around. Guess what I got? In any case, the sight of Mrs. Potato's bouncing lips cracked me up, and it's subtle enough to still be amusing on the re-watch. Not much connection to Bridgestone though.
Second Place: Hulu's Evil Alien Alec Baldwin. Funny, smart, and very re-watchable. Baldwin is brilliant. Hulu's product plays prominently.
First Place: CareerBuilder's It May Be Time. This brilliant, pithy ad aptly captures workplace trauma in a sequence of one-second tragedies. It made me want to leave my job, and I work for myself. It's clever, memorable, rewatchable, and the content ties directly to the product. Juxtaposed against Monster.com's weird, unfunny moose-butt ad, CareerBuilder blows away the competition.
Worst of Breed: In a spectacular feat, Toyota wins both silver and gold. Silver for the Are You a Venza? ad which suggests that rich, aestheticly-inclined black people with African art in their living rooms dream of being weany Japanese sedans. Gold for the Tundra Tunnel of Fire ad, in which a rough-hewn gravelly-voice narrates without a hint of self-consciousness as a truck drags an unimaginably heavy load up a spiral track through a ring of fire in the middle of a desert as a helicopter circles above it. The only thing that I can say for this ad is that if I need a truck that drives through fire, I will certainly consider the Tundra.
by Michael Wolraich on Mon, 02/02/2009 - 12:05pm
i really enjoyed this liveblog, G-money. i'm pretty much in agreement with you - i thought both the dorito commerical and bridgestone one were way funnier on first viewing. I wasn't nearly as big of a fan of the careerbuilder one, but i'd say they got their $6 million worth. I vote for the Hulu one as my favorite - dude, I think I'm in love with Alec Baldwin.
BTW, on a side, barely relevant note. I think E-trade had another baby ad yesterday, but these outtakes (which I first saw during commercials before I saw Frost/Nixon) are soooo much better.
by Deadman on Mon, 02/02/2009 - 5:26pm
This is classic.
by Deadman on Mon, 02/02/2009 - 7:02pm