Back at Camelot we move into the Squire's School, run by Master Rumpole...

All right, so which of you are sure that you shall become knights upon reaching that magic age of 13.  Come, come, SPEAK UP.  Richie, tell me, are you all prepared to pick up the mantel?

No Sir Master Rumpole, for it has been written that: If my children are honest and brave, they will have enough, if they are worthless, it would be a pity to leave them much, responded Richie.

Very well put, Richie. And you, Tumsy, who was the first Knight for All Times?

Uh, uh, Alexander the Great, Master Rumpole. Greater than all the rest.

Well, Tumsy, I am going to let that slide. That is not a bad answer but I wanted to underline who are greatest examples of knighthood are during the lecture the morning. And remember, in Squire School....Master Rumpole looked up

MORTIMER. MORTIMER GET UP HERE RIGHT NOW.

Mortie went to the front of the class.

MORTIMER, WHAT IS THE FIRST RULE OF KNIGHTHOOD IN THIS CLASSROOM.

Uh, uh, keep thy hands out of one's leggings?

Now go sit down you little slime bucket.

As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, we must remember that the things said in this class, the things taught in this class, the things learned in this class are outside the ambit of the clerical.  Now what does that mean Red Bottom....RED BOTTOM

Um...Catechism class has nothing to do with the class of the squires Master Rumpole. And ..er..outside this classroom whether in Catechism or playing in the yard, this is a secret place a...secret society. This is where we learn honor.

An A for the day Red Bottom, for sure. Fine, fine answer. Everybody, what do we say to Red Bottom.

Honor above all and honor to Red Bottom today, the class roared.

Very good. Very fine. Now I must go back to my first point this morning. The Archangel Michael is recognized as the first example of Chivalry. Always beckon onto him. A.M slew the dragons, carried the word of the Lord (blesses himself) along with the Angel Gabriel and served as God's right hand for centuries untold.  Otherwise the list of the best examples of knighthood are as follows:
        

Hector, of Troy, Achilles of Greece, Alexander of Macedonia (All of Classical Greece)
Julius Caesar of Rome
Josua, David, Judas Maccabaeus (all three of the Oldest Testament)
King Arthur
(And one day Charlemagne as foretold by Merlin and Taliesin and Blaise)

These represent the best of all the human knights. Remember Semper Fidelis.  What does that mean Scruffy?

Master Rumpole, Semper Fidelis means always faithful.

WHAT ART THOU INVOLVED IN NOW PINKY PANTS?

It was not me it was Mortimer, he was throwing boogers at me.

PINKY PANTS GET UP HERE NOW. Pinky waltzes up to the front of the class.  You are now on Manure Detail for the rest of the week.  Pinky slinks out.

NEVER, NEVER, NEVER RAT ON YOUR SCHOOL MATES!!!!! But Booger Mort, get up here. You will stand on your head in the corner until I give the thumbs up.

To whom, Scruffy? SCRUFFY. To whom are you to remain faithful?

Always faithful to the death to members of one's knighthood.

Very fine. Very good Scruffy. We are first faithful to ourselves. Then to our steeds. Then to our comrades in arms. And finally we are faithful to our Knighthood.

Now we shall list the most important rules of Chivalry. First, we are forever in worship of Our Lord and Savior Jesu Christe. He is the object of our adoration at all times. We shall never forsake him. We shall never place ourselves above him or any other person or thing.

The First Rule of Knighthood after our fealty to Jesus Christ. (All kneel and cross themselves)

The Mortal Rules of the Knighthood are many and sundry. Red Bottom what does sundry mean?

Various and many Master Rumpole.

Very good and very fine. Now the first rule in the mortal world involves honour, honour above all else. I know it when I see it.

But what does honour encompass? Well sometimes I go to basic sources, like Wiki:

 Honour  (from the Latin word honos, honoris) is the evaluation of a person's trustworthiness and social status based on that individual's espousals and actions. Honour is deemed exactly what determines a person's character: whether or not the person reflects honesty, respect, integrity, or fairness.

Dr Samuel Johnson, in his A Dictionary of the English Language (1755), defined honour as having several senses, the first of which was "nobility of soul, magnanimity, and a scorn of meanness."  Finally, with respect to women, honour may be synonymous with "chastity" or "virginity", or in case of a married woman, "fidelity".

Do not spend too much time on  that nasty issue concerning chastity and virginity. Save that for Catechism and at least feign an understanding of it. Honour therefore is not really a rule  it is a STATE OF MIND, a STATE OF THE SOUL, and a STATE OF INTERNAL BEING. It encompasses all of the rules of chivalry. So when we speak of Honour, we are speaking of perfection attained by following the Rules of Chivalry.

The first Rule of Chivalry is PRIDE. But this involves several aspects and examples at the same time.

We must have pride of self.  If we are not proud, we are in no position to fulfill any of the goals of knighthood.  We keep ourselves clean. We bathe at least once a week. Which reminds me, Tooter.

Yes Master Rumpole.

You will leave presently and will return home to bathe immediately. Jesu Christe (Everybody blesses themselves as if one of the little boogers had just sneezed) you smell like a republican at an energy convention.   Tooter slinks out of the room.

All of a sudden, Red Bottom stood up and declared:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY RUMPOLE OF THE BAILEY

And with that all the boys dropped their leggings, turned around and mooned their master.

Master Rumpole turned red, and began roaring with laughter.  CLASS DISMISSED. We shall continue this discussion tomorrow:

JESU CHRISTE (Blessing himself and laughing himself into his chair)


Meanwhile, the Moor has been reunited with Eduardo...

The knight and steed had set out to find Snerf who was supposed to finding Lancelot....

Oh it is good to be back in the saddle said Palidan.

Methinks you have been in the saddle for a fortnight, responded Eduardo.


WHAT. Enough silliness. We are on a quest. A quest seeking the quester for the...Oh this is far more complicated than any horse could understand. But I will not stand here, or gallop here or pace here for a fortnight listening to smooching and cuddling and holding and caressing, Jesu Christe...

Sir Palidan blessed himself. Eduardo was not very good at blessing himself, but he kind of noddedin silence. Which was ok since he was a horse and everything.

Just then, in the distance, a grand knight appeared with spear ready for a joust and called out:

I AM THE KNIGHT OF THE FOREST, DECLARE WHO THOU ART KNIGHT AND PREPARE FOR BATTLE.

Oh Jesus (did not bless himself this time, after all Palidan was kind of new to all this Christianity stuff but he was working on it and Eduardo did not give him much guff and...) Sir Palidan prepared his spear and readied for the joust.

I AM SIR PALIDAN OF THE COURT OF KING ARTHUR, PREPARE TO MEET YOUR MAKER.

Oh lighten up fair Palidan. I just like to say that line. It makes me feel better. Besides I have been having this trouble with my back and one more joust and I might as well retire and make ale.  You know distilling is a much better hobby. And what good can come of all this warring all the time. A savage type of engagement between two knights. Do you not think? And with that the Knight of the Forest dismounted and bowed to the Moor.

Sir Palidan began laughing and he too dismounted.  And the four mammals commiserated.

They supped and spoke of deeds and ladies and their quests.

Join us in our quest, Sir Knight of the Forest, prayed Sir Palidan.

That is a fine idea for an errant knight.

Eduardo swore that the knight's mare was winking at him.