Reverend Ezekiel Leviticus's picture

    Christian Pastor's call for avoiding yoga doesn't go far enough

    Dear friends in our Lord Jesus Christ.  Pastor Ezekiel Leviticus here writing to you from the church compound in Amarillo Texas.  I would like to express my support for a fellow brother in Christ who's come under fire for some comments he made while speaking the truth about the evils of Yoga.

    Southern Baptist Seminary President Albert Mohler reminded fellow Christians that Yoga has no place in the life of true believers.  What surprises me is that this obviously true statement has been met by anything other than a loud and joyful "hallelujah Brother" from fellow Christians.  But instead of the support the bible demands in situations such as these, he faced a backlash obviously inspired by Satan.

    It's obvious to me that the cult of Yoga has succeeded in seducing good Christians to abandon their principles and turn their back on the teachings of Jesus.  I personally don't remember any part of the Bible where Jesus leads the crowd in a "downward dog" or a "reverse warrior".  The reason I don't remember it is because IT ISN'T THERE!  I know for a fact that Jesus didn't want you stretching your disgusting loins in obscene poses.  And I don't want to hear the excuse that there is no one around when you're performing your satanic stretches.  Jesus is around, and he's sickened.

    I actually don't think that President Mohler went far enough in his criticism.  I think that any form of stretching represents an affront to God.  I don't want to hear about how athletes need to warm up their muscles prior to physical exertion.  Don't they think that God can handle giving them their pre-game rub down?  And don't get started about how you like to start your day by waking up with a yawn and stretching your arms above your head.  While it may seem harmless, it's a gateway to more sinful stretching.  Pretty soon you're involved in a gang bang at the local hot yoga center. 

    Please join with me in supporting the brave statements of Brother Mohler (that's not a Jewish name, is it?) and by removing this sinful behavior from your lives.  Remember, every time you're screaming out in pain because your muscles are cramping up because you didn't stretch, it's beautiful music to God's ears. 

    On a side note, this week's bible study will be on Isaiah 36:12 - dealing with God's commandment to eat human dung and drink piss.  We will be trading recipes on making this commandment more palateable.    Praise be to God and his Son Jesus Christ.  Have a blessed week.

    Pastor Ezekiel Leviticus


    Finally, a Pastor I can follow.

    Great post.

    Wow. You're scary. Are you so frightened about the validity of your beliefs that you attack the practice of stretching, breathing, and cultivating compassion as Satanic. Wow. And good luck with denying humans (and especially athletes) stretching. (that's sarcasm) love thyself, love thy neighbor. (that's scripture, not sarcasm)

    I'm not sure that you fully grasp the principle of sarcasm.

    My sense of self-preservation requires me to believe that Anonymous was being meta-sarcastic. Otherwise, I'd have to collapse into a ball of dispair about the state of humanity, and I just don't have time for that.

     ball of dispair

    Or maybe datpair. Why isn't my spell-check underlining dispair? Despair is the only correct spelling, no? (When I type it into the Google search engine, I get the red squiggleys, but not here at Dagblog (although other words, including Dagblog and squiggleys get red squiggleys). Maybe it's a conspiracy by Google, seeing as how I'm using Chrome.

    Did somebody say despair (or dispair--whatever)?

    Thanks. always makes me laugh. 

    One of my favorites:


    Wow...So it's not only Yoga that's Satanic, but stretching in general. "Downward Dog" and "Reverse Warrior" may not be in the bible, but I don't recall a bunch of men getting together and throwing a pigskin around described in the bible either. In fact, I don't think basketball, baseball, frisbee, croquet or any of the hundreds of sports that human beings engage in today are in the bible.  

    But I think I've solved the conundrum. Football, basketball, baseball, etc. are all spectator oriented. Where human beings can get together, drink, cuss and eat until their buttons burst from the seams. Yoga is a non-spectator sport promoting healthy eating and clear minds. Maybe Yoga should become more spectator oriented, that way we could help minimize the pedophile epidemic among the pastors and priests.   

    Why am I having a sense of deja vu? Never mind. Enquiring minds only want to know: is this the blogger formerly known as MonicaL aka Edmund Crankeypants? Or other?

    We don't do pseud wars here, WW. Ezekiel is a real, and funny, writer. But the eating of excrement thing---gross.

    Dear Brother WWS.  I've never been known as this MonicaL aka Edmund Crankeypants.  However, before I was led to the light of Jesus and the clarity of biblical literalism and Young Earth Creationism I was known as crazedandconfused and the insolentbraggart. 

    The only reason I tell you about my sinful past is because everyone deserves to know they can be forgiven for their sins.  Well, not Muslims or gays or the disabled (it's a loophole in II Kings), but normal people.

    I'll be on here giving you clarity in all issues related to our Lord Jesus Christ and his vengeful and angry Father.

    Praise Him!

    There are a lot of references in the New Testament to the notion that one should stop trying to control everything around you and worry more about what is happening inside of yourself.

    The nature of that worry has become the bone of many contentions.

    I like the beginning of Yoga where you just sprawl on your back.

    i am amazed at how many readers dont get your humor, and are taking you seriously.  your form was almost seamless.  the tongue in your cheek starts showing through by the end tho.

    oh, if all morning yawns could end in a gangbang...

    ; )

    Your a true crack pot

    Wow - is this about the time where folks start burning stuff?   Why so much fear?  Where are love and compassion and understanding?   I practice yoga.  I am a spiritual being.  Many of my Christian friends practice yoga and they feel more spiritual and closer to God because of it. 

    Yoga is Satanic?  How sad, how terribly terribly sad to hear that said of yoga. 

    Hatred, ignorance and fear - those things belong in the category of "Satanic".       


    OOPS!  I am red-faced and not because of downward dog.  I made my comment BEFORE I read the entire post  and other comments.  Missed the biting sarcasm - very clever.  Rock on brother.


    Initially my blood pressured spiked when reading the first couple paragraphs of your post.  Then I re-read your post and laughed.  I look forward to your study of Isaiah 36:12.

    Dear Pastor,

    You lost me at "disgusting loins". Your message of exclusion and fear is reprehensible. Men like you give Jesus a bad name. 

    If you'd like to escape your ignorance, try reading this book.


    Silence Doogood

    HAHAHAHA!!!  Thanks for this laugh!  But seriously, it's people like you that make religion look so ridiculous.  Thank you.

    Superb Sattire!

    Thank you Sir Wink

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