Church of Covidians Opens Bars, Restaurants

    The Supreme Court decision recognizing the exemption of religious organizations from attendance limits has led to a filing today for tax exemption under IRS Code 501 (c) for the Holy Church of Branch Covidians.

    The Church will hold worship services in a chain of Covidian refurbished businesses that investors have bought up at fire sale prices. Most of these properties did not previously have a religious affiliation.  Restrictions from state or city orders for control of the COVID-19 contagion will, the Church believes, no longer apply as Church bars, restaurants, fitness centers etc. are converted into sites of worship.

    Larson E. Cheatum, a lawyer with Dewey Cheatem and Howe, representing the new religious organization, said that the leaders of the religious order believe there is as a fundamental spiritual justification and demand for the church and its associated commercial operations.  Many feel  their freedoms are being unfairly and illegally infringed upon by overzealous health officials promoting masks and social distancing.

    Chief Justice Roberts, in dissent on this case, on a similar worshipper numbers case over the summer, in which the Court ruled not to interfere with public health rules:

    Chief Justice John Roberts wrote, in a case similarly challenging restrictions on church attendance, that local officials “should not be subject to second-guessing by an unelected federal judiciary, which lacks the background, competence and expertise to assess public health and is not accountable to the people.”

    Justice Gorsuch on this case the First Amendment and COVID, Amy Coney Barrett joined him as the deciding vote in a 5-4 decision

    “It is time — past time — to make plain that, while the pandemic poses many grave challenges, there is no world in which the Constitution tolerates color-coded executive edicts that reopen liquor stores and bike shops but shutter churches, synagogues and mosques,”

    Have a safe and happy Thanksgiving everyone, and follow the advice of public health authorities!

     

    Comments

    Filed for the Church of the Subgenus Subgenius. 

    The Constitution guarantees Slack as a basic freedom, including 1A the right to peaceful Slackssembly, 2A the right to own and bear Slack (perhaps the universe's most effective weapon if used properly and scientifically), 5A the right not to use Slack against oneself, as well as the 13-15th additions assuring no discrimination due to amount of Slack.

    While the Covidians, Dred Zeppelins, Pastafarians and Marshall Applewhite/Jim Jones fans can all avail themselves of the freedoms Rev JR "Bob" Dobbs fought so nobly for, we know the roots of this Yahweh 2.0/Free Man movement, and look forward to the Supreme Court finally coming to it's senses.


    good point well done. laugh

    I just saw a good counter argument on Twitter though by some lawyer type person, said he's not comfortable with the idea of public protest being favored over worship. Made me think. Of course the practical mechanics are different in this situation--outdoors wearing masks is now known to be much safer--but the principle of the thing...


    Thanks, I recall seeing a study in Asia, I believe China, that summed up studies tracing over 5,000 COVID cases, all were from indoors, not one case from outdoor infection was ever documented. Of course, in Asia in general and particularly China, mask use was 100%.



    He needs better lawyers. Somebody should suggest he get the Covidians Larson E. Cheatum or Trump's ex lawyer, Sidney Powell, she's now available


    Larson E. Cheatem of Dewey, Cheatem & Howe, just checked out your link now laugh


    Out in the Live Free and Die States, one can gather at any outhouse with no anxiety lost to having infected people one does not know. If your pod has it, let everyone get a taste.

    Here in the City, this same liberality of spirit hurts a lot of people who did not go to the party. It smacks of privilege.


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