I know...on line dating services....sorta plays into the contention by one unnamed person that the new demographics here are older, female and, from the Midwest, so the content is getting to be a little irrelevant, but since many of us TPMers post on non-politcal subjects, I'm going to take the chance.

But, first, I need to do a little prefacing...

1. I 've been married for going on 37 years, so I've never actually USED one. That means that an argument could be made that I don't know what I'm talking about, but I've never let that keep me from having an opinion, so why start now? :-)

2. I'm a Christian, so THAT means an argument could be made, by some, that I have nothing of value to contribute to the conversation, even if I did know what I was talking about. Rest assured, I have not been a Christian my whole life, and DO have some experience as a "heathen."

So, if you are still with me, I'd like to explore the benefits of on-line dating services. I was discussing them with a friend a couple of nights ago. She was frustrated by her inability to find a good man, and in my self-appointed capacity as a "fixer of friend's problems," I threw out the suggestion that she try e-harmony, which was summarily rejected as not a very good idea (in not exactly those words...)

Somehow dating services can be considered a desperate measure, suited only for those losers who are incapable of forming relationships in the traditional fashion.

I disagree, and here's why...

Marriage, is, at best, a difficult institution. Statistically, most of them fail (I could be a big girl and look them up, but who cares? We all know it's true.) We are in a "throw-away" time in history where most people are more apt to just throw away a relationship and find a new one rather than put in the work necessary to improve an existing one. And let's face it, it is hard work. I always thought that once you got past the 7 year itch, you were golden, but that is soooo not true. In order for a marriage to be successful, you have to be willing to wake up every day asking yourself. "What can I do today to make my partner feel like the most important person in the world?" Most of us don't have a servant's heart, and putting their spouse 1^st, does not come easily. It's much more likely that we will wake up asking, "I wonder what that sob is going to do to piss me off today?" Not a good thing.

Dating is fairly easy, although not as easy as it used to be. You see a guy/girl across the room, you feel that little stirring, you work up the courage to introduce yourself, and then start that horrid process of trying to figure out if you are just going to take him/her to bed, or try to determine if he/she is worth getting to know for a possible long term relationship. Even if you decide to try to get to know them, you are both on your very best behavior. Often times, that initial attraction evaporates as you determine, sometimes months into the relationship that you have NO core values in common. Worse yet, you find out that, although they are great in bed, he/she is a REPUBLICAN! What a waste of time! Sometimes the excitement and heat generated cause you to get into a live-in relationship or God forbid, a marriage, before you even realize how little you have in common outside the great sex.

Marriage (and even a long term, non-married relationship) is the blending of two distinct people and personalities into one functioning unit. How much easier would it be if you were able to "screen" people before you got into the meeting them thing?

Let's face it. In today's real world, it is difficult to meet people. You go to work, if you're really good, you stop by the gym and put in an hour, you come home, exhausted, feed the animals, if you have any, or feed the kids (that's a whole 'nuther can of worms...) fix yourself a bite to eat, do the laundry, maybe clean up a bit of stuff you didn't finish at work, or God forbid, work at the side job you need to make ends meet, and sometime around midnight fall into bed, only to wake up a few hours later, take a quick shower, grab a cup of coffee and repeat....5 times a week. When the weekend finally comes around there is so much to do to keep your life functioning (paying bills, cleaning out the refrigerator - yes, you DO have to do that from time to time - going to the grocery store, calling your mom :-) you get the picture!) Then before you know it, you start all over. WHEN and WHERE are you supposed to find your soul mate, or even a close substitute?

Work is a terrible place to look....office romances = trouble with a capital T! Bars on the weekend? Forget it. Not only is the competition steep, but bar types...well, not my cup of tea, but who knows, I suppose it's possible, although unlikely...

Now this is where on-line dating services come in. You put together a profile of yourself...you've got to be honest. If you aren't, you are wasting your time, and their's and the whole point here is to save time and come out with a for real person who shares your for real values... Pretending to ADORE opera when you really hate it, isn't going to do anyone any good.

Now for a moment, let's consider spam...you know, the kind you find in your e-mail inbox. Spam works, that's why you keep getting it. Out of the MILLIONS of addresses a spammer sends his message to, maybe only 1 in 100,000 pans out, but it's still worthwhile...my math sucks, but you end up w/ a lot of prospects...

Now equate that to on-line dating...the computer takes your profile, compares it to millions of others, and spits out maybe 10 prospects...people with interests and core values that are similar to yours. Now instead of wasting time hoping that the random guy/girl you are salivating over in the bar comes even CLOSE to being what you are hoping for, you have a starting place...Isn't that a worthwhile use of your time and energy?

So, you single and looking? Or single and hoping? Why not use your love of the Internet to your advantage? It doesn't make you a loser. Just prudent in your use of your precious time.