The Tony Montana Institute for Progressive Conflict Resolution ("No women, no kids") announces the first annual *Fortney, and solicits nominations from the public.

The award goes to that figure in public life who most clearly, by his inexplicably craven consumption of crow dished out by the Vulcans, proves that the focus of the surveillance which dare not seek a **warrant is, in fact, the private life of every possible administration foe, the better to cut his balls off at need.

FOR INSTANCE: If a paladin of the left (eg, Dennis Kucinich) were to rise in the House to denounce John Murtha for trying to slow the flow of reinforcements to our beleaguered and sacred troops, we might suspect that someone threatened his continued access to that spectacular red hair, like with a packet of naughty e-mails, or what have you.

Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid, BTW, have already been nominated, as has Jay Rockefeller, so no further nominations of these figures will be entertained.

* a statuette named in honor of Pete Stark, seen grabbing his ankles, pants at his knees...

**Note that the award predicate solves the conundrum we keep turning over "Why won't they get warrants, what are they hiding?"