I remember the night in early 2008, waiting in a line that stretched for 5 blocks.  People all excited.  Freezing temperatures.  20,000 of us, waiting to see our man.

His speech was electrifying; I was seeing Lincoln, RFK, Malcolm X.  I was feeling the thread of history of America in my nerves.

I remember afterwards watching CNN, C-SPAN.  Watching him give that same stump speech over, and over, and over again.  It kind of took the edge off his words that night.  It kind of ruined it.  Like how you feel when you are accidently told there is no Santa.  That the magic is just a production for you.

But I nonetheless realized that my grown up self had gotten confused with my juvenile self.  This is just how it is; don't be so naive.

That helps for awhile.

Last week, I was realizing how the same things repeat themselves.  Like noticing how every time Obama speaks he says "Thank You" in a slightly tedious way, or that he, once finished, thrusts his waving hand in the air and always ends with, "Thanks, everybody."  Then struts away to shake hands.

Yes Virginia, he is a politician.

I find myself thinking less about his soaring oratory, on race, on peace, on change, and hope, and more of the times he or Gibbs do containment or damage control instead of coming clean. 

Maybe it's just inevitable.

Perhaps a juvenile and naive part inside all of us needed an RFK, a Malcolm Little for President.  But we have seen slowly and repeatedly, in little gestures and in big decisions, that he is not anymore the incarnation, not that he ever was except in our psyche. 

Obama has simply lost his edge.

Not maybe his nerve, but let's face it--he has "arrived." He is not the outsider anymore. He now is seeming to be "too nice" because he is not some underdog from Chicago, fighting against the establishment. Now, he is the establishment. What is he supposed to do, burn the Capitol?

He is now, having been elected--in the spot to keep it from getting away.  He now has to worry not just about himself, but his entire party.  Elections.  Polls.  2012.  It is nuts, but it is reality.

But there is something more important than political considerations. 

He is in the unique spot all outsider artists, poets, musicians and community organizers are in--when they cease to be a force outside on the street, and instead sleep, work, and act from inside the coziness and distance of the big house. He has to weigh his old realities and plans with the new realities and plans. He has to deal with people who on the outside talked the talk of what "we'd do"--and now--have to figure out how to do it. He also has to not only carry his message to his ardent fighters and backers--but carry an olive branch to the others he now serves. How do you attack and fight half your constituency?

He can't, or dare I say shouldn't--unless he can win publicly, with the backing of a slim majority of us coming around to his way of seeing things.  But that has proven badly for him.  Look at Health Care.

But neither can he cater, or beg, or be "too nice."  The opposition has it in for this particular man.  It really doesn't matter if it's race, or fear, or ideology.  They have it in for him.

Yes, he must lead them. He must lead us. 

But he has to lead through strength, and summon the courage and wit and charm that JFK and RFK had--and I believe this President has in store--to melt and shame us at the same time to be on his side.  Use words.  Use actions.  Ideas.  Go places, but be daring, not NICE.  Speak your mind again, and stop playing it safe, just because you're in the big house.

I recall the parable by Malcolm X of the House vs. the Field Negro.  (And not because of his race.)  But because his dilemma is central to why he was elected in the first place.  We wanted the urgency and outrage of a field hand, not the complacency and moderation of a house servant. That is our President's problem.  You just can't be both at the same time.

He must get firm. He must get his mojo back, and have an edge again. Not just through "going out into the country." Not just by having town halls where he rolls up some sleeves on his $600 shirt. No. He must get back on the forefront of IDEAS, of the things that MOVE. The things WE wanted done, once Cheney and Bush were removed.

Dear Mister President,

End the fucking Wars! Get the flow going to new jobs, or even better--our OLD jobs! Just make sure they are REAL jobs; get jobs that are in our grasp--back into our grasp, however you can. Get tougher on Wall St. Get tougher on BP. Prop. 8 was just defeated.  Consider overturning DOMA, but at least overturn DADT!!!! AND DON'T WAIT FOR US TO SAY SO!

Lead US!  You, of all people--we will follow, if we can just believe something will be better.  You are best, when you seem hungry, when you seem tired, when you seem fiery and determined.

You are the President.

Now do it like you were outside the damn White House, ready to do anything to get a foot inside.