One thing that has been said by a friend to me about the 2010s is that it just has been a trip back to the 1970s. The 1970s were a chaotic and, in many ways, hate driven era of American politics, more so than typically: the Black Panthers, George Wallace, Richard Nixon, Kent State, Vietnam, Harvey Milk, Texas Chainsaw Massacre. When becoming president after the resignation of Richard Nixon, Ford referred to his presidency as the "end" of a long national nightmare.

Films from the 1970s or depicting that decade demonstrate this. Whereas 1980s films like Back to the Future are crisp and clean, films like Taxi Driver were creepy and dirty - with a plot centering around pornography, pedophilia and murder. As a close friend said to me, "everyone was creepy in the 1970s."

And so it is here. The social climate in this country (and the world, to a lesser extent) is toxic. Mass shootings demonstrate the worst, most grotesque element of it. Most of my social encounters are rife with tension like a mindfield. For some times, I wondered if it was me but just watching others showed that I was getting only a mild dose of it.

While staying at a hostel in Portland, one of the roommates would come home from work, unloading storylines of his day at work completely uninitiated and complaining about people he encountered, usually based on their ethnicity. At one point, he said something insulted that I don't even honestly remember but I remember his response when I didn't answer. He said, "Michael's quiet because you can tell he's hurt inside."

Some time later, I guess after deciding that he liked me, he tore in to my roommate Sergei, who was from Ukraine. Sergei, like me, worked from home for a commercial website. He usually slept twice a day and then went back to work. he often played ambient Euro electronic music while he worked. The other roommate (who I won't name) came in after work, aggressively saying "You know, I expect mutual respect not someone playing music all night. You know I can find another place. I work for a living - I don't just sleep all day," looking at Sergei while he said it. I wanted to say "You know very well he works alot" but it would have been pointless. People don't arrive at hate with reason - there's good reason to believe they won't be talked out of it with reason either.

After finally finding an apartment, I ended up with a landlord who took to me initially but then got almost cartoonishly angry at me. I had a freakout after the Orlando shooting which he did witness - I was at Seattle Pacific University a day before the shooting there, my mom was in France during the Paris attack and my best friend was in Santa Barbara during the UCSB shooting - I needed to get my frustration and anxiety out and I did by through an anxiety attack, which I'm sure most readers know the look of. (And, honestly, I feel alot better since then - I haven't felt the same anxiety about all that since I let it out.)

This roommate called my anxiety attack a "shit show" and said I was obsessed and must have ADHD or autism. Then, right before I finally left - a wave of pettiness came as he accused me of stealing food he encouraged me to eat while he ate my food in abundance. During all this, I gained with a transcription job and had packages of ordered goods coming to me almost daily - he talked depressively of how his life was a failure and how he couldn't get any legitimate work, relying instead on others. Boxes I had because I thought they might be useful in packing when I left were a "fire hazard." He was batshit crazy but envy was at work, just like my previous roommate.

I thought of all sort of retorts but just felt like it was pointless, doing as the jerk said until I finally left with the help of a friend. If my roommate was well to do and being nasty, maybe then I could tear in to him. Instead I just felt sad and sorry for him. I was happy to get away from him and thanked God my friend was there helping me do it. I actually have a very good friend whose spouse said almost identical things when she had an anxiety attack.

I'm old enough to know that this isn't normal. There's always problems but there have been times when we've been able to go through the day's business without childish pettiness and an almost desperate need to insult someone - anyone - for something. The key is how to survive a climate like this without feeling hurt by it.

It's not about you. I not only witnessed with the others I mentioned but also when I was at McDonald's in Portland some time ago. A man started tearing in to staff for not delivering food fast enough, claiming he would lose his job because of it. The woman working hard there simply smiled and said "I'm sorry you feel that way." Even if it's not directed at you, in a climate like this, you're likely going to encounter it.

You know your gifts and talents - you have them. You also have fears and anxieties like anyone else. Don't be ashamed of them. These people only demonstrate that they hate themselves and aren't worthy of you. Move on. When times improve, they will be long gone from your life and you from them.