The Bishop and the Butterfly: Murder, Politics, and the End of the Jazz Age

    Those amazingly civil centrists.

    By kgb999 on Mon, 01/24/2011 - 4:43pm |

    So, centrist hero Rahm Emmanuel had some bad news today. As you may recall, the gentleman is running for mayor of Chicago. Yes indeed. And his candidacy brings all that classic charm and respect for the electorate that we have all come to love and appreaciate to the Twitters with this amazing bio:

    Bio: Your next motherfucking mayor. Get used to it, assholes.

    So, while we chastize each other over every off-color remark and statement that could be construed as "mean" ... shall we see how one of the luminaries of centrist philosophy is conducting himself? On to the TWITTERZ!  We'll hop in .... oh, randomly at the middle of the Chicago game yesterday (today's twits will be bold).

    1. When Axelrod gets stressed out, he has to take a shit. He's been in the bathroom for most of this fucking quarter. about 22 hours ago via web
    2. Oh goddamn motherfuck. That's the fucking motherfucking game. I am going to get so fucking drunk I'll be hungover until Wednesday. about 21 hours ago via web

    3. Fucking empty motherfucking emptiness. about 21 hours ago via web

    4. Kanye's got his vocoder set to a minor fucking key. We're all lost in this motherfucking world. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. about 21 hours ago via web

    5. I'm not sure Axelrod's ever going to fucking get over this. about 21 hours ago via web

    6. Tweedy's post-game snack: the Hanie. A jalepeno popper stuffed inside a pizza roll. "Tastes like sadness." about 21 hours ago via Seesmic for Android
    7. Oh coffee, you glorious motherfucking bean. about 7 hours ago via web

    8. Motherfucking shit fucking fuck shitters. What the fucking fuck motherfucking happened?! about 2 hours ago via web

    9. OK, Carl the Intern makes a good point: Appellate courts are for pussies. We're going to motherfucking Supreme this bullshit. about 2 hours ago via web

    10. My brain feels like it's on motherfucking fire. about 2 hours ago via web

    11. Throwing that chair through the window wasn't the best fucking decision in the world just now. Now we're fucked AND it's cold. about 2 hours ago via web

    12. I FUCKING HATE THE MOTHERFUCKING WORLD. LET'S FUCKING GO, ASSHOLES. WHO MOTHERFUCKING WANTS SOME? about 2 hours ago via web

    13. Jesus fucking Christ. I'm just lighting any fucking thing on fire right now. Just to feel fucking something. about 2 hours ago via web

    14. Holy fuck, we're so not getting the security deposit back on this motherfucking apartment. about 2 hours ago via web

    15. Axelrod's got his Bears helmet on and is just fucking punching gaping fucking holes in the walls with his motherfucking head. about 2 hours ago via web

    16. Holy fuck holy fuck holy fuck holy fuck holy fuck holy fuck holy fuck holy fuck holy fuck holy fuck holy fuck holy fuck holy fuck holy fuck about 2 hours ago via web

    17. Carl the Intern just tossed a lit mattress through the window. "We don't need no water, let the motherfucker burn." about 2 hours ago via web

    18. HOLY FUCK: Axelrod just flipped the Civic. This shit just got motherfucking realer than real. about 2 hours ago via web

    19. Every fucking thing in this motherfucking apartment is going through the front fucking window right fucking now. about 2 hours ago via web

    20. shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit about 2 hours ago via web

    21. Double birds to the motherfucking world. TO THE MOTHERFUCKING WORLD. about 2 hours ago via web

    22. They'll get to you too. They'll destroy you. They're untouchable, man... I'm so fucking exhausted I can't see straight. about 2 hours ago via web
    23. Motherfucking empty fucking emptiness. again. about 1 hour ago via web
    24. Fucking why about 1 hour ago via web

    25. Fotherfucking why about 1 hour ago via web

    26. Fuck. about 1 hour ago via web

    This is unqestionably the twitter-feed of the day for pure lulz and adolescent rantings from someone billing themselves as qualified to hold the most imporatnt posts in government. And to think, Obama really made this assclown the most powerful man in America.

    Centrists: he's all yourn. Stay classy.

    [Update/Note:  Hehe. I got completely pwned. This was totally satire. And I totally bought it hook-line-and sinker! Gotta love the internets.]

    hrowing that chair through the window wasn't the best fucking decision in the world just now. Now we're fucked AND it's cold. about 2 hours ago via web

    Comments

    That feed is a brilliant, totally spot-on joke.  Which makes me wonder why Twitter suspended my BofAMoynihan account.


    by Michael Maiello on Mon, 01/24/2011 - 5:20pm

    Makes me wonder too. There doesn't seem to be a single entity consistently applying policy consistently in America these days.


    by kgb999 on Mon, 01/24/2011 - 7:04pm

    Uh, kgb, you know that this feed is a fake, right?


    by Michael Wolraich on Mon, 01/24/2011 - 6:23pm

    No, actually. They got me. I don't generally twitter ... and it was reported on HuffPo as if a legitimate feed. I'm blaming (90%) Destor. Based on his s explanation of satire on the Twitters, I thought an account such as this would be against the rules?

    Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck social networking.You fickle-ruled mistress!

    But this DOES restore at least a bit of my faith in humanity ... so that's a good thing. I was truly shocked. Now I'm damn curious what his REAL feed looks like though.


    by kgb999 on Mon, 01/24/2011 - 7:00pm

    Actually, this is his real feed. He's just counting on everyone assuming it's a spoof. This explains why "Destor's rule" need not be followed.


    by Atheist (not verified) on Mon, 01/24/2011 - 7:12pm

    Actually, as of now, they suspended it.


    by Michael Maiello on Mon, 01/24/2011 - 7:31pm

    Mho, you got the "centrist hero" part wrong too. He a ruthless partisan. Also he's definitely a warrior where civility is not part in the arsenal, no spouter of the famous Rodney King maxim, Rahmbo Emmanuel maxim: no we can't all get along.

    Edit to add: the twitter parody may not be that over the top. Real life examples from wikipedia:

    Emanuel is said to have sent a dead fish in a box to a pollster who was late delivering polling results.[18] On the night after the 1996 election, "Emanuel was so angry at the president's enemies that he stood up at a celebratory dinner with colleagues from the campaign, grabbed a steak knife and began rattling off a list of betrayers, shouting 'Dead! ... Dead! ... Dead!' and plunging the knife into the table after every name."[7][8]  Before Tony Blair gave a pro-Clinton speech during the impeachment crisis, Emanuel reportedly screamed to Blair's face "Don't fuck this up!" while Clinton was present; Blair and Clinton both burst into laughter.


    by artappraiser on Mon, 01/24/2011 - 7:51pm

    Dude. Listening to Destor? 

    Ahahahahahahaaha.

    Fuck.


    by quinn esq on Mon, 01/24/2011 - 9:57pm

    And hilarious.


    by quinn esq on Mon, 01/24/2011 - 9:57pm