Winner - Lena Dunham, now the viral video Obama Girl 2012 along with monster book advance - I feel a bad Foreigner hit coming on...

Loser - Donald Trump, still finding ways to look ridiculous post-The Apprentice

Winner / Loser - Mourdock, finding the positive side to Richard Speck and Albert DeSalvo, and portrayed as Voldemort on Stephen Colbert, has earned himself a lucrative earlier-than-expected post-congressional Fox career. 

Maybe Winner - Katy Perry? Or Barack Obama? Or both? Or Michelle? Was it only a fundraiser? Is Barack/Michelle divorce on or off again? Is "Kissed a Girl" about Mee-shelle? is that Hawaiian retirement love nest still in the offing for January? so many questions, so little time...

Winner - Google ads, sucking the profit out of media since 1999. All your click-throughs are belong to us.

Losers - non-swing states. Letterman used to send gazebos to towns to spice them up - maybe he can send swings to make them feel better. What's that? Oh, never mind.

Winners - Roman centurions and Hessians - GOP congress assured to quadruple budget for  heavy horses and riflery, in order to #OccupySesameStreet.

Losers - Big Bird in Benghazi safe house as we speak, while Congressional militants surround - one targeted drone strike away from a frozen TV dinner.

Winner - Candy Crowley - now leading both male presidential candidates in latest Gallup poll.

Loser - Bob Schieffer - even less exciting than his year 2000 low. Perhaps might consider Hollywood - can take comfort in how Lugosi handled his later career. 

Winner - Nate Silver, the demigod rockstar of pollsters, now Big Data crunching local nano-targeted polls and NSA eavesdropped data to accurately predict what you're buying as Christmas presents.

Loser - truthiness. The need to be truthy is a vanity we no longer need to suffer, nor pompous factcheck.org - from "evolving" on issues to just reversing them, with a makeover, we can wash that man policy right out of our hair, immediately. Got the facts wrong? What-ever. Leading to:

Winner - Etch-a-Sketch. Suffering in the shadows of Orwell's Memory Hole since its 1959 debut, Etch-a-Sketch made a surprise breakout earlier this year, and since then its appearance on talk show circuits and TV debates has been non-stop.

Loser - House, Senate and Governor races. Oddly, there are other elections this year besides President. Sorry guys, we decided to put that $2 billion+ media spend into our American Idol finalists. Consolation prize - you're on the same ballots when early voting takes place - maybe you'll see some trickle down effect on the ballot.

Winner - white guys. Proving when we work hard & put in a gutsy performance, we can still win. And when we just show up and parrot our opponent, we can still win. God, I love Being White.

Loser - Paul Ryan. Going from the party's he's-so-smart rockstar policy wonk to "the CEO's nephew I was told to hire", fast trip from the boardroom to the mail room. Hey Paul, care to detail that Medicare plan again? Thought not.

Winner - US withdrawal from Afghanistan, marijuana legalization - November 7.

Loser - Social Security, November 7.