I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth. - Umberto Eco

Where the fuck is my wisdom?

Seriously, wisdom was supposed to part of the deal, the salve that soothes amidst aging's unceasing, unending parade of insults and torments. I am now well into my 36th year - my hair is thinning, my back is creaking, my sex drive is waning.

Wisdom should be accumulating, dammit.

I am going to try and keep this as short as possible because I'm off on a biz trip tomorrow (expect a lot less blog activity from me for about a week) and have things I need to get done before then.

But I just had to comment on the statement released jointly this afternoon by the Treasury, the Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation (FDIC), the Office of the Comptroller of the Currency (OCC), the Office of Thrift Supervision (OTS), and the Fed.

I usually hate happy endings in movies. They may be fine for movies like Rudy, but for many films, happy endings often ring false and feel like cheap cop-outs. Yet for reasons I explain in the video below, I actually enjoyed the ultra-gooey finale of Slumdog Millionaire.

Perhaps because America's economic story and outlook has become almost as depressing as the childhood of Slumdog protaganist Jamal Malik, it's somehow fitting that we allow ourselves to be gloriously deluded by inspiring, well-earned Hollywood ending bullshit.

I can't stop stewing over the fact that the South Carolina sheriff decided to investigate Michael Phelps' notorious bong hit, with an eye toward possible prosecution.

I know, I know, the sheriff dropped the investigation earlier this week after deciding there wasn't enough evidence to convict Phelps, who wisely did not admit to smoking the funny weed but merely apologized for using 'bad judgment.'

(Video below)

So Obama is signing the American Recovery and Reinvestment Act of 2009 into law in Denver this afternoon. I've heard several pundits calling the $787 billion stimulus package the beginning of Obama's New Deal. In today's dagbuzz, I discuss why that comparison is foolish, and why we probably couldn't even afford a new New Deal even if we desperately needed one.

I have really little to add here, but this may be one of the most uncomfortable celebrity interviews I've ever seen. This guy is clearly fruit loops.

The buzz today is focused solely on Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner's financial stability plan. My quick verdict is that the plan is woefully inadequate on details, and I just don't understand the rush to announce this plan without a more specific framework for implementation.

OK, I don't know how many people actually listened to my first attempt at the Daily Buzz, but two people commented they liked it (with reservations), and that's all the encouragement the vain Deadman needed to continue the process.

OK, so Obama's tough talking apparently worked.

The administration got three moderate Republican senators to agree to support the stimulus package and prevent a filibuster. In return, some $100 billion in spending from the package was removed while some Republican proposals for tax cuts and credits were adopted (most notably a $15,000 credit for homebuyers).

Ok, so I am totally going to risk extreme personal embarrassment by doing this, but I decided to experiment with a little video rundown of some of the day's top stories as indicated by Yahoo Buzz!, which is a Digg-like service at http://buzz.yahoo.com. I basically put on my Unabomber/Deadman outfit, recap the top articles that interested me, and throw in a little commentary for good measure.

The first time I remember seeing a Reddi-wip can was on a camping trip during a high school summer when some of my friends tried to get high by snorting the nitrous oxide gas inside it. Even back then, a 'whippit' sure looked like a stupid, only mildly effective, thing to do.

Tomorrow evening, the football franchise I grew up with, the franchise I lived and died with and rushed home from Hebrew school every Sunday to watch play, will be competing - after decades punctuated almost entirely by failure and futility - for its first world championship. And I really don't give a damn.

In fact, under normal circumstances, I'd probably be rooting against the Cardinals, sipping on some of that sweet schadenfreude soup, just like I've done in the 20-plus years since the franchise bolted from my hometown of St. Louis.

So in honor of Super Bowl Sunday, I've compiled a list of my Top Ten Mega-Sporting Events. The first five I wrote about in part one, which to recap were:

10. Triple Crown 9. The Grand Slams of Golf and Tennis 8. NBA Championships 7. Bowl Championship Series and 6. World Cup Soccer

And now I present to you my top 5 Mega-Sporting Events:

The Super Bowl is upon us. It's a remarkable event, able to bring together the vast majority of Americans, calling them to a rather inert form of action in living rooms and bars all across this great land. In this Age of Entertainment Plenitude, with the hundreds of TV channels and thousands of other diversionary options we now enjoy, it's a remarkable feat.

Can there be any question as to what My One Favorite Thing this week was? Could it be any more obvious?? I mean, clearly, it was Rick Warren's Invocation Speech. Duh. What a beautiful testimonial to the goodness of god, the power of prayer and the righteousness of Scripture!

So, A-Man, Genghis, Orlando are all painting D.C. blue tonight, making it tough for them to discuss in detail the incredible experiences they must have had today. In the meantime, I figured I'd give my take on Obama's inaugural address.

OK, so I didnt find a way to scrounge up an Inauguration ticket. I'm certainly not going to spend one of the most beautiful and meaningful weeks in recent memory being bitter. At least A-man and the Big O are making me feel like I'm there with their insanely comprehensive coverage (although how about a little more multimedia please!). In the meantime, as my own little contribution to the week's festivities, I hereby offer up a special Inauguration version of my Questions column. Now these are no fun without reader participation, so you need to contribute by answering!

So I was watching next-day coverage of the Hudson River airplane crash on CNN today and at some point one of the anchors brings up God and says something to the effect, "And if you're not already religious, something like this may make you believe."

And it made me wonder,

<---------------------------

It doesn't take much for a bank to make me happy. Give me online access, a good interest rate, a bunch of branches, and I'm all good. Heck, lately I'm just thrilled when my chosen banking institutions don't implode and go boom.