Joe Biden is the President-Elect and I'm feeling pretty good myself, as the saying goes. Biden's epic victory puts America back in steady hands. It means we can be proud of being Americans again. And it means we can start pretending that none of it ever really happened.

It is becoming more clear that America's first real experience with a populist demagogue is going to end in a historically satisfying way. Donald J. Trump's political career is about to look like this:

2016: Loses popular vote by 3 million, wins Electoral College.

2018: GOP loses 30+ House seats.

2019: Impeached.

2020: Loses popular vote by 6-8 million, loses Electoral College to Joe Biden to become a one-term President.

The town of Rock Springs, Wyoming has a violet past. Violent to the point it was long ago called "The Murder Capital of America," and it was a moniker deserved. The years have passed and the population has dwindled and with that, the violence has slowed down. Not stopped, mind you, as at least once a year someone shoots someone else for reasons fair or foul. But the residents didn't get shaken up about these sort of things. They had seen it all. At least, until the monsters came.

At the age of eight, I enjoyed being in school plays and funny things. I loved cartoons, especially off-the-wall ones like Heckle & Jeckle. I adored H.R. Pufnstuf, without knowing a thing about the obvious drug references. My childhood bedroom door was covered in silly and gross Wacky Package stickers. I wrote silly little plays and dialogues. And when my Dad asked me if I wanted to play Little League Baseball, I said no.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – The United States Constitution, the long respected legal document of the United States government, is in serious condition at George Washington University Hospital, following a suicide attempt late last night. Sources close to the document say it despondently tried to shred itself in a nearby office shredder at approximately 11 p.m. Monday.

Despite stellar early ratings and a cast of guest stars that included Tom Hanks and Idris Elba, The COVID-19 Show is being put on hiatus due to dwindling viewership and a general lack of interest in the ongoing pandemic. Producers of the show will now retool it's format, but promise that the deaths will continue.

“We feel that we can get interest in this virus back to where it was in the beginning,” said producer Michael Bay. “People are still in grave danger, but the plot just isn't pulling people in.”

AFFAM players meeting with HRH. Alh. (Dr.) Shehu Idris, the 18th Emir of Zaria in the Royal Palace of the Emir of Zaria. Idris is a supporter of American football in Nigeria.

When Norm Rixon woke up this morning, he expected it to be like any other morning with some coffee, news and time with Shifty, his dog. Instead, he awoke tied to train tracks in a dusty location outside Joshua Tree, Calif.

"I did not expect that," said Rixon, 32.

Despite his predicament, Rixon said he felt confident things would work out for him.

The upcoming documentary "Michael Des Barres: Who Do You Want Me to Be?" began exactly 30 years ago. That's when a 14-year-old J. Elvis Weinstein watched Live Aid - the mega-concert created to raise funds for to help the Ethiopian famine. The Duran Duran off-shoot band Power Station helped kicked off the festivities, but without lead singer Robert Palmer.

America did not become the greatest nation in the history of nations by trusting science. In a nation noted for its partisan divides, it is this distrust of science that has taken the United States to the top of the mountain. Whether it is conservative mistrust of Climate change or liberal suspicion of vaccines, America is defined by the belief that scientists are nefarious cranks bent on world domination and the death of our babies and economy.

The moment I saw him, I knew something was different. He was a giant, in his way, and he seemed to be involved in everything. He was no ordinary man. He was a person. He was General Electric.

"We bring good things to life," General Electric told me. And I believed him.

"Today, noted blogger William K. Wolfrum announces his respect for American Hero Cliven Bundy. Faced with a tyrannical government, Mr. Bundy has shown himself to be brave, pure of heart, and most importantly, a great American. We will continue to support Mr. Bundy in all his endeavors.

We are living in perilous times. Now, more than ever, it is time for America to have a conversation.

This is why I am here. This is my job. To start this conversation. To get America talking. All I do is present you with the facts. Facts that are perfect conversation starters. Facts that - deep inside - hold truths. Truths that need to be discussed.

Humans have always been an extremely narcissistic bunch. Look at religion. A large swathe of humanity believes that there is a God - an actual God - who knows their name, address and Social Security number. And this God - with all the options of a God open - chooses to spend its time thinking about them.

WASHINGTON, D.C. - More than 42,000 scientists across the globe - including such luminaries as Neil deGrasse Tyson and Stephen Hawking - have been arrested for hour laundering in a world-wide sting, sources say.

"They got them all, finally," said the source. "Finally, this terror ends."

KIEV - "Protest This!™" a revolutionary new App that promises to help users easily meet and assemble against unpopular regimes, was shot down like a dog today in the streets of Kiev.

CLEVELAND - UPS driver Tim Johnston woke up one day last week with a feeling of dread. A feeling that things just weren't right. So often he felt this way but never spoke up about it. But this time, he wasn't going to let it pass. This time, he was going to speak out.

Speaking as an American, which is something I often do, let me just say that I am outraged by the complete lack of American military intervention in Ukraine right now. America and the Obama Administration are once again refusing to show true leadership.